Haptephobia
by iesztaj
Summary: Seto Kaiba cannot cope with his painful past. His complicated emotions become even more difficult, when he starts to feel something he never should. /includes incest (aged up), and I know you probably don't like it, but try this story, really. You will not regret.
1. Catharsis

****Tabloidshipping story. But if you've already taken a look at it, don't give up. Incest doesn't bite in this story. Read, maybe also review? I would love all (constructive) comments.****

****I don't like to put any warnings, since the story is rated M, and anything more could only spoil you reading. So just one thing to get to know – Seto is twenty, so Mokuba is fifteen years old.****

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><p><strong><strong>I updated this chapter, and I'll probably do the same with the next ones. I want to make this story as better as possible, and since I noticed my English really improved, I decided to fix all mistakes I'd made (besides, now it's also a little expanded version). Nonetheless, if something is still wrong, I'm so sorry; I'm not native, I still learn.<strong>**

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><p><em><em>It doesn't matter what I want<em>_

__It doesn't matter what I need__

__It doesn't matter if I cry__

__No matter if I bleed__

__You've been on a road__

__Don't know where it goes__

__Or where it leads__

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><p>Two months passed since the young CEO of Kaiba Corporation visited his parents' grave the last time. Recently he did not have much time, always busy because of some issues of Kaiba Corporation, dueling or – what was the most important – his little brother. Sometimes Seto Kaiba was not only tired, but even exhausted. Exhausted with his work, bothering thoughts, emotions, with his whole life. He needed some rest that would have been able to help him escape from them, even if just for a moment. Where could he find some peace, if not at his beloved parents' grave? After over eleven years he still missed them; at that moment even more than anytime before. He used to believe that he was able to cope with everything on his own; self-sufficiency was one of the abilities he valued the most, such necessary to survive. Too many people would disappoint Seto to let him believe he could count on anyone, but himself. There was only him; him and his brother, and keeping Mokuba safe had become his main aim many years ago. He used to deliver on the promise, no matter how much suffering it would mean to him. But lately something had changed. More and more often Seto felt that the task overwhelmed him. He did not used to believe that when after a lot of years of anxiety their life finally was peaceful, Kaiba was the only one who was going to become a danger to his little brother.<p>

__"Nii-sama?" Seto raised his glance from above the screen of his laptop. He might just as well did not do that; not only because there was only one person except him in the mansion; there was just only one who called him ____in____ that wonderful, coddling way. "Why aren't you sleeping?" Mokuba asked, stepping in. Slowly, he headed towards his brother's bed. "It's over three..."__

__"I could ask you the same," putting the computer and some paper sheets aside, Kaiba made enough space for Mokuba to sit beside him. "Nightmares?"__

__Mokuba shrugged, "I just woke up." He ____joined____ his Nii-sama____ on the bed____. "I meant to go to the kitchen for something to drink, but then I noticed that a lamp____in your bedroom was____on. Why are you still working?" The teen shifted a little, so he had better view on the other's face. ____Seto____ had dark circles under his eyes, and – Mokuba had no doubts – they were not caused by the wrong angle of the____falling____light. He was too aware how overworked Seto____ was____. Working till such a late hours was not anything new, nonetheless it still worried Mokuba. The younger Kaiba sat behind his brother, facing his back, and put his hands on Seto's shoulders. Gently, with slow movements, he started to massage them. The action met Kaiba's quiet sigh of a relief; the pain which he felt after several____,____ almost motionless hours was accumulating exactly in the spots Mokuba was touching. He closed his eyes. However he did not like to be touched, especially when it was unexpected, Mokuba was the only one allowed to do that. Following moves of the small hands were relaxing, giving such necessary soothing.__

__"And?" The teen whispered into his sibling's ear, clinging to his back. "You like it, Nii-sama?"__

Damn, Mokuba, you don't know how much,__Seto did not dare to say his thoughts aloud, and only a soft murmur left his mouth in a response.__

__"As I supposed," Seto was not able to see Mokuba's smile, but he could feel it, when the younger Kaiba pressed his lips to the elder's cheek. He left some gentle kisses on it, and made away of them down Seto's jaw.__

__Altought the way to the grave Seto knew by heart, that time he chose the longer one. It was so peaceful: the Sun was emerging behind the horizon, and the only audible sounds were his footsteps and, from time to time, the trees soughing under the wind. Passing another graves, Kaiba was hardly looking at them. His stare was attracted mostly by the most beautiful ones and the smallest – the graves of children. Some of them Seto knew by the names etched on them; often he stopped in front of them for a longer while. At that moment he did not not only because those graves were one of the things he was not able to comprehend; focusing on someone else's tragedy let him forget about his own, even if just for a second. Kaiba still did not understand, when he had made a mistake, and had let Mokuba get too close to himself. It was not the brotherly bond which included Seto's care and the admiration Mokuba had to the other, but something more, and it made Kaiba really scared.__

__Seto turned to face Mokuba whose hands were moving from Kaiba's shoulder to his chest, caressing him throught the fabric of his dark shirt. The soft 'Nii-sama' left Mokuba's lips, when the elder bent down, leaning his forehead against the teen's. Seto started to stroke the raven hair. He loved it; glossy, silky, wearing the most lovely scent. Looking into big stormy eyes, Seto had no doubts which feeling was staring at him from them. He bit his lower lips nervously, noticing that Mokuba parted his shapely mouth slightly.__

__"I love you, Nii-sama." Seto would hear it so many times before, despire this a shiver run down his spine. It did not let him do anything, but pull himself away from the embrace.__

__"I'm tired. You should go to your bed too." Kaiba realized he told 'yours' too sharp than it sounded in his mind.__

__Mokuba nodded; even if he did not want to, he was not capable of saying no to his brother. But he would not have been himself without one more question. "Could you kiss me goodnight?"__

__Seto sighed. The awarness he should not have agreed was not capable of wading through his desperate desire of having Mokuba's taste on his lips, even if it would have been nothing more, but a slight brush. He pressed his mouth against his brother's cheek; he did not suppose that Mokuba would react so quickly, that he would wrap his arms around his Nii-sama's neck, that his lips would start to seek Seto's, annihilating the leftover of the distance between both of them wich guaranteed Kaiba the minute quantities of self-control and the safety.__

__"Goodnight," Seto said coldly, when he forced himself to get away of Mokuba. He stared at the quilt, not being able to lost himself in those brilliant stormy eyes again.__

_"Why the fuck I want it so badly?" Unexpectedly Seto spoke out his thoughts aloud. He looked around, but there was anyone; he had chosen so early time on purpose. Kaiba did not wanted to see any other people, even the strangers._

One moment ago his reflections went away involuntarily; finally Kaiba came to his parents' grave. He took a bunch of withered flowers away, and replaced it with one of white roses – his mother's favourite kind – he brought with himself. "Mom, dad," Seto said quietly as a greeting as though he believed they really could hear him. "I am sorry I have not visited you for such a long time, but... I missed you so much, you know? So much... And I still do." He squated to light some candles, afterwards he sat down on a wooden bench in front of the grave. Seto was still holding a little red light, his fingers running up and down the form; the unsignificant action like that always helped him collect his thoughts. "I'm sure you are watching me... us, Mokuba and me from the heaven. Or wherever you are now..." Kaiba looked at a small figure of Jesus Christ between his parents' names. A bitter smile played along his lips. The times he used to be very religious seemed to be incredible distant; like something what happened in a different life. If the other day he would really belief, his mother was the only reason. Seto still remembered as she would took at first him, later also Mokuba to a church near to their home. Even after so many years he all the time had its look in his mind; that small, wooden building with an ornamental gallery, the place he used to spent the masses the most willingly. Besides, his mother used to tell him a plenty of tales about Christ, the Blessed Virgin, and other saints. And even if now he did not feel anything thinking about them, but a contempt, he had to admit that she had been really good at it. She had been the only one who keep his faith; since that damn day which totally had changed his life he never went to a church, or any other temple. If somewhere above was really a merciful, loving god, why the fuck the world was eaten by so much evil every day? Why did the suffering existed? Why a justice was nothing more, but an utopian idea? If that senseless god was real, why the fuck their parents had had to die, and had been replaced by those damned people who had given them nothing, but painful experiences? All the time he celebrated those nonsensical festivals, though it was only for Mokuba. He was not able to refuse his little sibling; Seto knew how much Mokuba enjoyed that; he supposed it reminded him of family they did not have any longer.

"I did not used to talk with you in such seriously way, about mature issues... I wish I could do it now. I need this as never before. Maybe I believed in my own abilities too much, in myself, that I'm able to cope with everything... I really don't know what to do, it's like a damn dilemma." He hated to talk about his emotions. He could not do that, every word stuck in his throat, feeling like a real pain. But something inside Kaiba was just making him confess what bothered him for so much time, and there was no better opportunity to do it. He needed that; desperately needed to calm himself down. "I wish you were here. I wish I was a carefree child again, not caring of anything, seeing everything as simple. I miss times where I could do something wrong, and you never shouted at me. Instead of it, you would speak with me calmly. I remember it very well... We would sit down on that soft, black sofa in the living room, and you, mom, would bring me a cup of hot chockolate. I still have a recollection of it in my mind... It's something like the taste of my childhood."

Seto closed his eyes, hanging his head. A sudden, slight breath of wind brushed his hair, making some dark wisps fall down onto his eyelids. He smiled under his breath; it was like something straight from his parents. Maybe irrational, but Seto did not even try to get rid of that thought, and did not brushed his hair away.

"Now it seems to be so... unbelievable," after a short moment of silence Seto spoke once again. "Later it changed. Everytime when I did anything what made... him angry, he used to punish me very severely. The chastisements were more painful, when it was Mokuba who did something wrong. But I could endure all that suffering, if thanks to that I was sure that bastard wouldn't touch my little brother. At least, I learnt that no matter what happened, I should have never show any weakness, because in other case someone could use it against me. That I should derive my force from all those terrible situations... But you know...? There never was, and there still isn't anything what would be able to help mi cope with... with everything. With no chance to dispose of those fucking emotions eating me from inside... Repeatedly I would want to scream, to break something, to ravage everything around me... do anything what could soothe me. But I did nothing. I told nothing. Never, to anyone. I would never be capable of talking about it as I'm doing it at that moment... with you." __If this monologue could be name____d_____talking___. __"Even with Mokuba – my beloved brother... my only friend. I'm so afraid he could see any fear in his Nii-sama's eyes, hear some shivering in his voice. But... The fact I still get along... I want to get along can be credited only to Mokuba."

His fingers clenched on the candle tightly. Why he did not feel better yet? Seto cursed himself in his mind. How naive he was, believing that after forcing himself to confess his feelings, the distresses tormenting him would have just get away. It is impossible to ever get rid of them, isn't it? Of those hellish emotions torturing him for so long... Seto closed his eyes, trying to not let single teardrops fall down his cheeks. All of a sudden, he felt some vibes in the pocket of his pants. Looking at the screen, Kaiba hid his cell phone at once. __As if he knows I'm talking about him right now.__

_"I did something wrong... I still do. No, wrong isn't a proper word.__Maybe inexcusable would match better, or awful. I know one thing, that you would never accept it. Altought if you were here, it probably would never happen. Because... Because maybe it's caused by the fact I don't have anyone, but him. For all my life." Seto was whispering barely audible, but he realized that his voice started to tremble. He closed his eyes, fisting his hands in his hair, and resting his elbows against his knees. "Is it really important in what way I care about him, protect him? Isn't the most imporant that he just would be safe?" ___I ____want it to be true so fucking much____.___ "Since your death I always tried my best to replace you... I was sure I managed to. I gave him a new home, a stable future, normal life. But I still can't restist the impression that because of my imprudence my efforts went to waste."_

He remembered everything. As during long night he used to cuddle Mokuba, to sing him some lullabies, not knowing any other ways to calm his brother down; just the ones which he had been used to. Seto would love to read to Mokuba, to help him at school, he treasured every moment spent with his brother – his only motivation to survive. From all his scars, he knew very well which ones had helped him keep Mokuba safe from sharing his suffering. None of hits he had ever get never stopped to hurt, but Seto could not say it was not worth it.

__We used to sleep together; for two years in the orphanage, and many times when we settled on our own. I used to help him wash himself when he was a child, and there never was anything ambiguous in it. But even if he's so young, he isn't a child any longer. He's grown up, his body's changed, altought his features are delicate, his beauty very feminine. And this long, silky hair... Damn, I really started to look at him in a totally different way. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised so did Mokuba. He always admired me, did everything I wanted him to. How to not obey beloved Nii-sama? It's like I abused him... And there's nothing worse than abusing. When the hell did I a mistake? It would be easier, if it was only about me. In my fucking life I went through lots of hell, I would cope with that... somehow. But now so many things must change.__

_"I screwed up," Seto raised his voice, what surprised even him; luckily he was sure there was not anyone, but him. "I let Mokuba down, I let you down, I let myself down. Because of my own fault now I must keep him on distance. I totally don't know what to do, it can't be like that, but... I really don't see any other choice.__" ___Fuck. Am I totally insane? I've come to my parents' grave, and I'm talking about falling in love with my brother... How pathetic I am recently. I shouldn't have come here. What a fucking idea... Fucking me._____Seto pulled his knees up to his chin, and wrapped his arms around it. He found it hard to recollet when had been the last time he had spent time only with himself, not worrying about anything. After going back from Kaiba Corporation he always went to his home office to work even more, or just fell asleep when his head only touched a pillow. A while, no matter as short, was desired by him as hell. ___So peaceful____, ___he thought to himself, staying montionlessly for a while__. A longer time had to pass until he realized something what devastated the little peace he had finally found. I want him to be here. He imagined Mokuba's small arm around his waist, Mokuba's cheek leaning against his shoulder... In his mind's eyes Kaiba's fingers went through his brother's hair, he was playing with them... Seto almost felt that sweet scent, his scent.___ No. Damn, no.__

_"I still remember the day, when I swore to myself I would protect him forever," Seto said quietly; not only because that thought came to his mind suddenly, but mostly because he wanted to get rid of the imagination. "The day of your death, when our life completly changed. I'm sure I'll never forget it. From all my experiences, this is the worst, the hardest. I close my eyes, and it happens again. I'm taking Mokuba from the nursery school, we're coming home by the longer way, because it's the beginning of the spring, and the weather is so beautiful... We really believe we're going to enjoy it during following months." Seto's voice cracked. He would return to that memory a countless times, but it was the first when he said it aloud. Kaiba never talked about it even with Mokuba; he kept the recollection to share it with his sibling in the future, and to never forget that his life used to be different sometime. "Later, we were sitting on the couch in the living room. I was studying, while Mokuba was watching television. It didn't worry me you didn't come back at once... It was something you did quite often. But whilst more and more hours were passing..." Seto bit his lower lip heavily; he did not expect there was something harder to talk about than his emotions. "I called you plenty of times, even when I stopped to believe I would hear your voices. I hated pretending everything was alright, but I had to, when Mokuba started to ask where you were. I wasn't able to answer, just some stupid excuses. He was so impatient... A day ago, you, dad, promised him to spend more time with him, because that time you had lots of work, and not many time to us. I was looking forward to it... To something what never happened." Seto ceased talking. With his sleeve, he wiped some wet from under his eyes. He did not want to talk any longer, to end the story, but he knew too well he should. And he needed to do so. His confess, his catharsis just must have been ended._

"I've had a lot of nights in my life I wish never befalled, but I could go through them once again just to avoid that one... Altought without it, the others would have never happened." Kaiba realized that such a strange grief souned in his voice; something like a reproach, but he never felt anything similar, it would have been pointless. "I couldn't fall asleep, I even didn't want to. When I wasn't by Mokuba's side, checking if he was sleeping, I was sitting in the kitchen, looking at the street. I'll never forget how my hands were trembling, my heart racing... I knew I should call anyone, do anything, but I was totally frozen. Subconsciously, I felt you wouldn't be back, but I was afraid of making my anxieties come true. I cried a lot... At least Mokuba slept well. For a long time it was the last time he did it... Later he would wake up with a scream, crying, nestling to my arms, and I would be sure I couldn't be more powerless..." His thoughts, at first collected, quickly became chaotic. He rested his forehead against his knee; he could not be sure if his parents listened to him, nonetheless he really, really wanted to believe in it. The loneliess brushed against him with another gust of wind, being more clearly as anytime before. "The very next day the police knocked to out door; Mokuba was standing right behind me, when they told you're gone. Now I know I was prepared to hear it as much as possible. Mostly because of him... I had to take care of him. He did not know what 'dead' meant, and I did not know how to explain it. When he understand we wasn't going to see you anymore..."

Seto lookd up at the grave once again. A hard to describe feeling filled him; a relief? In any way he was glad to get rid of the memory which bothered him for so many years, even if there were still a lot of unspoken recollects inside him. Maybe it was the reason why he still felt a piercing feeling in his chest; though he was not able to confess anything else what could help him. And maybe he should just get used to that feeling... He did not even realized, when some tears rolled down his face; he wiped them away at once, scolding himself in his thoughts for being such weak. He hated to cry, even if that moment he felt there would have not been anything unsuitable in it.

"I can't regret anything I went through, becauese I know there was no any other way to give us a better future. It doesn't matter I still can't cope with some things... I tell to myself over and over that it was worth it, deceiving myself this awarness will soothe me. You know... I just love when I go back from work, and he runs down the stairs with cheerful 'I missed you, Nii-sama'. There's no more gorgeous words, no more wonderful embrace... I wish you don't hate me for all words I've told you today."

He stood up, and approached to the grave. Seto knelt down in front of it, lighting the candle, and he put it in the middle of the headstone. Was it the moment when people should start to pray?

"You know... You can be calm. No matter what happens, I will always take care about Mokuba, and I will always protect him. Even if I would have to protect him from myself... I will not let you, or him down... I swear." He used to say those words a lot of times in his mind, but at that moment, in that position, in that place, saying aloud for the first time, it sounded more seriously that anytime before.


	2. Enjoy the silence

__Before I go to sleep tonight, won't you tell a story?__

__One that does not center around power or glory –__

__A simple tale of love that is tender and sweet__

__However glorified, still uncorrupted, with a steady heartbeat__

__Or better still of love that's also passionate and wild__

__That holds the light of youth and makes you playful like a child__

__And let me fall in love...__

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><p>For the raven-haired teen, all school days seemed to be the same. Whilst his peers were playing, talking, laughing, he was spending time alone, sitting agaist a wall, with his knees pulled up to the chin. At the beginning he used to bring with himself some portable consoles made by Kaiba Corporation, but he had rejected the idea as quickly as he had realized that it had attracted too much attention. Being the great Seto Kaiba's younger brother did not equal being popular; not in the way Mokuba wished to. At first, most of classmates liked to tease him because of one reason or another. Sometimes it was his short height, sometimes his delicate, even feminine beauty which distinguished between him and the others. It could be as well caused by his shyness, tendency to being an outsider; the features that – no matter if Mokuba wanted them or not – were a indissoluble part of his character. Both the character and the unmanly apparition had not been changing with the passage of time; Mokuba Kaiba was still the same long-haired, withdraw teenager; the older version of the introverted, growing up in an orphanage child, who used to be in trouble every time when his Nii-sama had not been around. As early as being there he had had problems with contacts with other children. It had started to be even more harder, when they had become adopted; both he and his elder brother were allowed to leave the mansion of their step-father. Mokuba had hardly ever left even his own bedroom. But he very well remembered what his Nii-sama would reiterate – <em>never let anyone be too close to yourself.<em> According to Seto's words, it was impossible to end in a good way, because people hurt. Always. Mokuba could agree with the statement or not, though, in a matter of fact, it was not important at all; he had found himself unable to do otherwise than he had been told. So, instead of sitting amongst his peers, the younger Kaiba could only watch them from the farthest school desk.

He started to play with one of his raven wisps; slowly, Mokuba run it through his palm. Bored during the lessons, he often did such things. Mokuba was grateful to his Nii-sama for not letting him cut the hair, when the teen had wanted to; he still remembered how shocked Seto had seemed to be, when Mokuba had told him about that idea. Afterwards, Kaiba had prohibited him from cutting them shorter than to the half of his back. In retrospect, Mokuba was glad that Seto had not allowed him to do so in such decided way; the only reason why Mokuba had wanted to shorter his hair, and change his look in general, was tiredness of being mocked. Now that recollection ashamed him; Mokuba had stopped taking to heart what people told about him a long time ago. As long as his Nii-sama liked his appearance, the younger Kaiba did not care about anyone else's opinion.

Nii-sama...

__When I'm with Nii-sama, nothing more is important. Certainly not in the moment, when with switched off cell phone and a laptop left in his home office, ____Nii-sama is only for me. Admittedly, I hear some noises from a movie which we're watching, but only theoretically; I've got an impression that we hardly look at a televisor, 'cause we pay an attention mostly only to each other. Nii-sama soaks a strawberry in some whipped cream, then puts it into my mouth. I feel that the evening is supposed to be a making up for his infrequent presence at home latelty. I'm aware of his busy time in Kaiba Corp, he had a really hard week; I'm trying my best to make him forget about the work and problems conneted with it just for a moment. I asked him for eat with me, but he refused. Nii-sama should eat more, sometimes he does so only because I force him to it by an unbearable waffle. It worries me; I see how overwokred he is and I dream of taking care of him. Though, I know him too well____, I don't deceive myself____. Nii-sama's too indepented ____for that.__

__I insert into my mouth another strawberry. Subconsciously, I'm very happy with my metabolism. I can eat whatever I want, how much I want, and I still keep my weight. Nii-sama feeds me yet again, then he puts the both bowls aside onto a nightstand. __

__And he does something I would never expect. __

__"Come," he says in his low, husky voice. It causes a thrill which runs down my spine. This reaction is more and more often. __

__Until I react, Nii-sama wraps an arm around me. I rest my cheek against his shoulder, and close my eyes, hugging him tightly. His other hand runs through my hair. He strokes it slowly... as he hasn't been doing for so long. Too long. "My Nii-sama," I whisper, scratching his back. I don't wanna anything else, I don't need, he's my everything. This short moment close to his body is enough to me to be pretty sure about it. __

__I didn't realize when he turned off the television. I find it out, when I lower my head, and the only audible sound is his hear____t ____beating.____ The most wonderful kind of silence. I look up at his beautiful eyes. He doesn't have to smile; his gaze does it in the most brilliant way in the whole world. "Want more?" He asks quietly, but the answer seems to be obvious to him since Nii-sama doesn't wait for it. Instead, he gives me one more strawberry. __

__While I'm eating, some whipped cream smudges onto my mouth. I reach for gather it and lick; then I hear soft 'wait'. Nii-sama pulls my chin up carefully, whereupon he kisses me nearly the corner of my lips. When he gives me one more kiss, I start to return the action, brushing my lips against his jaw. I feel as Nii-sama frozes. His eyes widen, staring at me in surprise. "Something's wrong?" I ask barely audible. I scrutinize his face, looking a happines which, I could swear, was there just a short moment ago. __

"Kaiba," a sharp tone got Mokuba off of his thoughts. He raised his head, rested against his palm, and look up; his faraway gaze met a teacher, standing in front of him. "Another time as you haven't paid any attention, right?" It souded more like disapproving statement than a question, and the teen was aware of it; the lack of concentration, visible both in his face, and in the distracted stare, had to be too obvious. Mokuba was not even going to pretend that he had been listening to the teacher, even if it was not a helpful answer. So he just kept silence, waiting till he would be alone with his thoughts agian. He fixed his gaze atop on the desk, his cheeks reddened, yet it was more beacause fo irritation than embarrassment. At that moment everything all around was annoying him, especially the fact that everybody were staring at him; he did not see it, but he was sure. "May I know what are you thinking about, if not about the subject as we arranged?"

"About his brother!" Mokuba heard a laughted across the classroom, some more accompanied it.

_Fucking funny_, Mokuba thought to himself, even if only he knew how true those words were. He knew that most of his peers found his relationship with Seto odd, unhealthy; people thought that he always followed Seto, always obeyed him, they poke fun at him that he was not able to take care of himself on his own. And it was as right as it was not. It was not like that, he just loved the protection of his Nii-sama, nonetheless, there were matters Seto did not know about. For example Mokuba would have never confessed to his troubles at school, but it was just because he did not want to worry his brother.

"Behave properly, or I will call your brother," after those words anoter laughters rang out. Mokuba hardly managed to ignore it.

This time he promised to himself to pay more attention, but even when he really wanted, sometimes Mokuba had problems with concentration. He was quite talented and smart, he knew it – his Nii-sama would praise him for helping at work, and Mokuba was back then only eleven. School was something different; it annoyed him like nothing else. But he knew that Seto had had intentions when he insisted on sending him to a school, altough at first Mokuba had wanted to learn at home, just like his Nii-sama.

__"Who would you like to become in the future?" __

__This unexpected question was asked by Mokuba's astonishment, while he was sittng with his older brother in the living room, viewing Seto's new cards he had just bought.__

__Mokuba raised his eyebrows. He did not remember if Seto had ever asked him about something like that, and even if it sounded quite loosely, he did not understand, why Seto asked right then. "Well," he murmured, focusing his gaze on two spell cards he had in his hand, "I could work with you." He had some experience; he was supporting Seto from the beginning, so he had learnt some important things. He had a knach for it, reportedly. But then another thought ____sprang____to____ his mind, ____so natural to him that he had no idea why he had not thought about it before. "Or I could stay and come, get down to the housework."__

__Seto growled. "I was sure you are a more abitious kid," he said with the characteristic annoyance in his voice, staring at his own hands, shuffling cards he had in them.__

__"It's not like that!" Mokuba said quickly, louder than he had meant. He did not find himself unambitious. He always wanted to be like his Nii-sama, but he would not have any objections to just abandon the work for Kaiba Corporation for things which were more important to him. "I just... I would love to give you a real home. When someone would always wait for you, and take care of you... Do everything to make you happy." Mokuba turned his gaze, blushing. No way to give any other answer; it one was right from his heart, it expressed everything he had been feeling for so long. Was it something wrong that the only thing he desired was making his Nii-sama as happy as possible, restoring a smile onto his beautiful face? __

__When Seto kept silence for a longer time, Mokuba took a look at him hesitantly, and it what he saw amazed him a lot. His brother did not seem to be irritated any longer. The younger Kaiba would have given a lot to be sure that this gleam in the sapphire eyes, that hard to describe expression on his Nii-sama's face meant even a slight delight.__

_His thoughts were interrupted again, this time by the bell. Mokuba collected his belongings, and left the classroom as quickly as possible without running. He walked towards almost empty corridor, then went outside. Withing walking distance from the buliding, he sat down on the ground, resting his back against a tree, hoping for even a short while of peace. He hid his face between his pulling up knees; __being immersed in his thoughts, he almost fell asleep. Then, he felt something brushing against forehead. Mokuba squealed, realizing that this thing was an abnormal huge spider. _

"Take it away from me," he almost yelled, covering his face with arms, but the teenager in front of him threw the creature onto Mokuba again. Even when Mokuba realized that it was just a bloody toy, looking awfully realistic, the fear was still mixing with disgust inside of him. He cursed the moment when he spoke about his arachnophobic issues.

"Hey, Kaiba," one of teenagers muttered, not going to take Mokuba's words into account. "Don't say you're afraid of it!"

"Take it away from me," Mokuba repeated more quietly, ashamed as if he was about to collapse under the ground.

"C'mon," another male voice talked to him in tone usually used whilst talking to children, "don't you want to play with us?"

Mokuba was used to being treated not well by his peers; being teased, all those malicious commens. But this time it was too much to bear. He bit his lower lip nervously, going back to the previous position, hoping for staying alone.

"You have to ask for it, very nice ask for it."

How many more there were them? Feeling artificial limbs, moving across the back of his neck, and shoulder, he did not have enough courage to check it. He was completely frozen, unable to any movement.

"Please," he said barely audible.

"It had to be nice."

"Please," Mokuba reapeated. This word was burning inside of his throat; was wanted to cry, but no because of fear, nor anger. "Please, leave me alone." It was mostly because his was afraid how his Nii-sama would have react seeing his little brother being so weak, lacking his pride – the feature Seto always valued the most. Nonetheless, he desires to have his Nii-sama by his side right now. His Nii-sama would have never ever let it happen.

"You see how his brother trained him?"

Mokuba clenched his fists onto the fabric of his pants, when some laughters rang out.

"Let's go, it's boring."

"Damn, wait, 'twas gettin' funny."

"The break's already off, you jerk."

The sound of conversation reached Mokuba fragmentarily, but he knew very well, when he was alone eventually. But... But he had enough his own matters. The teen's hands clenched of a few blades; he pulled them up violently, putting all his anger into this action. Then he did it again, not able to find another way of giving vent to his frustration. Mokuba was not going to stay there any longer. Even when he primped his hair, and brushed himself down, he was aware how miserable he had to be looking.

At the moment, Mokuba had no idea why he had never told his Nii-sama about all those school issues. It was obvious that if Seto got to know, he would be angry with him for concealing it. But he just did not want to worry him. Mokuba saw the bruises under his brother's eyes, those beautiful sapphire eyes, so often bleary and tired, he knew about Seto's headaches. And his Nii-sama never complained.

Being quite far from the school, he reached for his cell phone, and dialed the only telephone number he knew by heart. When he got no response, Mokuba tried once again, in his thoughts urging his Nii-sama to answer, as if it would have been possible to make Seto do so telephaticaly. He was not going to grumble; in fact, he hated to grumble. Mokuba did not anything, but just hear his brother voice, that wonderful, hoarse tone which could soothe him like nothing else. For a moment he was thinking about heading towards Kaiba Corporation, istead of coming home, but recently he had an impression that Seto was not too happy, when his brother visited him. Mokuba hoped it was just because of heaps of work.

Mokuba realized that thinking about his Nii-sama made him feel better, dissuaded him from all bothering things, like his school problems. And it did not amaze him. At last he found his Nii-sama, his only family, the most important person, the only one he loved, just perfect. And, oh God, how he dreamed of sharing even the slight part of this perfection.

* * *

><p>It was almost midnight, when he dragged himself away from work. He took one more look at the screen, searching for any oversights. When he found nothing, he saved the file, and sent it to one of investors. Seto closed his eyes, leaning back in the soft chair, his arms rested against the armrests. He had accustomed himself to the chronic tiredness. When he had started this bloody life with just few hours of sleeping, with eating hardly ever, he was sure it would change when he get independent. Now it sounded even funny. He had stopped believing it would be possible long time a go. Long time ago he had stopped caring for making it possible.<p>

Seto stood up, dressed his white, sleeveless coat in, and left the office, having locked the door. Going throught a hallway, his footsteps were echoing amongst the empty area. With no doubts, Seto Kaiba was not a typical chief executive officer; through all years for which he had been running Kaiba Corporation, he had met a lot of bosses which most part of work was about supervisioning their employees. Kaiba would have never done such thing. He could not imagine anyone else making decision about his buisness, even the most irrelevant. Workers of Kaiba Corporation had stopped to be surprised about his unusual methods of work much time ago. Seto came to the office as first, and left it as the last one. Recently he had started to spend even more time in his office; Kaiba was not eager to admit, even to himself, that it was not because of the new project he worked on.

The warm gust of summer wind messed his hair as he left the building. Seto smoothed his fringe, heading towards his black ferrari 485 – the gift his got from his brother for his last birthday. There was a way in which it still touched Kaiba; a slight mention was enough to Mokuba to spend a great deal of money, even if his brother's money, just to please his beloved Nii-sama.

He turned on the engine, then reached for the album he had been listening in the morning. The silent sounds of Depeche Mode rang out; the best background to his mood.

__Words like violence  
><em>___Break the silence  
><em>___Come crashing in  
><em>___Into my little world  
><em>___Painful to me  
><em>___Pierce right through me__

"Damn right," he muttered under his breath.

Kaiba sighed, bitting his lower lip. There was no need to pay much attention to the lyrics to understand it; besides, the song was one of his favourties.

__All I ever wanted  
><em>___All I ever needed  
><em>___Is you in my arms__

_Enough. _The following verses started to describe his feelings too well. Seto switched another song, and the first tunes of _Policy of thruth _rang out, giving him an undoubted relief. That song was more secure, not bringing any unneeded assocations, making him focus on his little brother even more obsessively. Irrationally, he was incapable of imagining himself with such feeling towards anyone, except for his brother – the last person he should have fallen into.

His way back home took him less time than usual. Seto opened the door, not expecting to meet anyone; the maids finished their work earlier by far, and Mokuba hardly ever stayed up till such late hour. Though, when he stepped in, Kaiba heard some unclear noises, recognizing the source of them as a turned on television. _How many times I__ reiterate to__ him to go to sleep at a decent hour..._ Seto rolled his eyes, hanging his coat. He headed towards the living room, having a ready reprimand in his mind, but it flew away, when Seto saw his brother, sleeping peacefully on a couch. Having stopped, he was staring at Mokuba silently, at his raven hair, falling down onto a pillow and the closed eyes, at the slightly parted mouth, and at the chest, raising up and falling down under the breath. Even whilst the teen was illuminated only by the dim light of the televisor, Kaiba was deeply touched by the view.

He crouched beside the couch, and ran his cold fingers through Mokuba's cheek. Seto swept some wisps away, exploring the innocent expression with his sapphire eyes. His thumb went down the teen's lower lip, parting his mouth even more distintcly. Until now, Seto had not been aware that he missed Mokuba's closeness so badly. He hand his head down; the sweet, delicate scent reached his nostriles, stimulating senses. Seto took one more look at his brother's full mouth, reproving himself for the thought that sometimes he would have prefered to not have such strong will power. Though, his lips touched only the edge of Mokuba's jaw, brushing his lips against the soft skin. It was more than he could ever expect. _I did not troubled myself to keep him on a distance to screw it up just because of one moment of weakness_, Seto thought to himself, nonetheless, he was still unable to leave. _You have no idea how much you are provoking me at the moment, jut lying like that. It's time to go to bed. _Kaiba pressed his arms under his sibling's knees and back, picking him up. He had not supposed that Mokuba would be so lightweight. _And you dare to harp on over and over about me eating not enough_, Seto smiled under his breath.

Carrying the sleeping form in his arms, Seto headed towards the stairs, then he went upstairs. He knew the way to his brother's bedroom by heart, so he did not have to switch on the lights, what could unnecessary wake Mokuba up. Noiselessly, Seto pushed the door open, and placed Mokuba on the bed as carefully as possible. Having satnext to him, Kaiba took off Mokuba's sneakers and pants. Thinking about ogling at his half-naked younger sibling was wrong; as wrong as all his non-brotherly love which he used to curse so many times. And he did it once again, covering Mokuba with a quilt and one extra blanket; no matter that June was ending, Seto knew how easily Mokuba froze; even in the summer he could wake up, trembling under the cold.

_Now it should be warm enough for you, shouldn't it? _Seto placed his hand onto the quilt nearly Mokuba's shoulder. _However__... I miss __all those__ times__,__ when you__ used to__ c__o__me to my bedroom just to warm up. You could slag me down for __these__ words since it is only my fault that we got away from each other. But I really love you, you know? Really. And I would do everything __for__ you. Everything except this one thing... I'm sure one day you'll understand it. _Seto would have not been able to say that statement out loud, only in his thoughts. A lot of years passed since he had stopped to express his feelings and emotions by the words, and he did not even want to start to do it again. But firstly, he just could not. Seto prefered to show them by his behaviour, even if sometimes he did it in wrong way. He sighed deeply, yet again staring at his brother's calm visage, forcing himself to not touch him. _Goodnight, Moki__e__._

Unwillingly, he finally stood up. The last thing he wanted to do was getting out of the room; it was getting harder and harder to ignore another pictures served by his mind, making him desiring nothing else, but to lie down beside Mokuba, staying by his side till the morning. _Shut the fuck up, Seto. You are disgusting. _He had to stop. He knew about it, and forced himself to do so. But when he placed his hand on the doorhandle, a soft, throaty whisper reached his ears. The sound made Seto totally frozen, unable to any reaction. Only his heart started to pound as though it was about to jump out of his chest.

"Stay."


	3. Burning inside

**I like you, guys.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

><p><em><em>There's something in his eyes,<em>_

__And I don't think it's fear__

__Why don't you tell me little boy,__

__Why are you so afraid____...____?__

__Come to me boy, I hold you now__

__You can really trust me__

__You will never cry again__

__'Cause you've got your faith__

* * *

><p><em>Stay<em>. That one word made Seto Kaiba totally frozen. Since he had returned home, he had been pretty sure that Mokuba had been asleep. Seto cursed himself and his imprudence; if he had known, he would have never allowed himself to show Mokuba such tenderness. And now, with trembling hands, he was not able to any move, as if his whole free will vanished in just one moment. His all thoughts and desires converged into the silent request. Kaiba had to gather the last of his common sense to not succumb to temptation. Up till now it never seemed to be so hard. "Go back to sleep," he said coldly.

"But Nii-sama..." Seto heard a soft noise behind him, yet he did not dare to turn around, just hoping that Mokuba was not going to draw closer to him. Even the sweetness in his brother's tone was trying his self-control. "I don't wanna sleep. I'd prefer to spent some time with you..." Mokuba had woken up, when Seto had been undressing him. At first he had thought it had been still a dream; the gentleness which his Nii-sama had not been showing for so long, his closeness, his touch had seemed to be too wonderful to be real. The younger Kaiba felt that he could not just resign form something he had been longing for so badly, even if he had to implore Seto to stay with him.

"Don't be ridiculous. It's nearly one in the night, and I'm tired as hell. I'm going to sleep, and you better do the same."

"Nii-sama..." A sorrow rang out in Mokuba's voice what made Seto's chest twinge. "I've been waiting for you all day..." Mokuba sat up, staring at his brother's back sadly. He did not undestand what changed Seto's behaviour all at once; at the same time he became pierced by the awarness it was not the first time, when his Nii-sama reacted that way. Hastily, the teen tried to analyze what he have done wrong, but still could not find out why all of a sudden Seto seemed to be hostile to him, especially when Mokuba had just woken up, and even had not any time to do anything to upset the other. The younger Kaiba got confused, and it was distinct in his voice, when he spoke out again, "Nii-sama..." He repeated quietly.

"I'm not going to reiterate, Mokuba," Seto said with his typical monotonous manner; annoyance played in it, the tone which he would use to anyone, except Mokuba. "It's late, I'm exhausted after work, and I'm not going to stay with you just because of your caprice."

Seto left the room, slamming the door behind himself. He would have not been able to keep the chilly indifference towards Mokuba any longer. He hated himself, he hated Seto Kaiba who was torn by the condraditions, uncapable of doing anything else than just making the situation worse. Standing alone in the empty, dark hallway, Kaiba was reproaching himself for being so asinine. Then a quiet crying reached his ears, and something broke down inside him. Seto wished for going back to Mokuba, to close him in an embrace, whispering over and over that none of his words were true. The most wonderful person he ever knew deserved way better; being treated with love he needed, and expected. Seto was overwhelmed by some doubts yet again; was it the way he should have protected his little brother? However, he reprehended himself, because it sounded like looking for a pretext. And Mokuba would forget. He would see that his Nii-sama was not worth his tears. Nii-sama... Was he still worthy being called that way?

He was not in the mood of sleeping; not in the mood of anything. Not being able of handling the anguish which was brought with Mokuba's sob, Seto headed towards his home office. It was another time, when Kaiba tried to espace from problems by occupying his mind with work. He sat down at his desk, and turn on a lamp. In a dim light, he started to look some documents over, but shuffling was not loud enough to drown out his thoughts. _Calm down_, Seto told himself off, yet with no effect. He throw the sheets of paper onto the floor, then rested his elbows against atop of the desk, and squeezed his hair painfully. The feeling of emptiness, eating him off through so many years, never seemed to be so devastating. Kaiba used to believe he finally would feel better. At that moment he doubt if he deserved it.

A soft noise of opened door pulled him away form his rumination. Seto glanced up, moving his hands onto the armrests of the chair. Despite of the lack of light, he could still notice that Mokuba cheeks were reddened, and, _damn you, Seto_, he had some wet vestiges under the sad eyes. "You've told you're tired..." The teen whispered, stopping his voice from trembling. "...and that you wanna sleep..."

Seto did not response; he did not know how. The rationallity was prompting him to keep the impassive comportment, however, it was way harder since the only thing he wanted was just to soothe Mokuba. He was repeating in his mind again and again that it was only for his brother's good, that it was the only way to kick himself out of Mokuba's desires.

"I had an awful day, y'know? I needed you, it's why I've been looking forward to you for so long... What do you suppose, how I'm feeling, when now you're rejecting me?" Mokuba brushed his palm agaist his eyes. He did not want to cry, but it was harder and harder with every one second of Seto's silence. "I'm not your toy, Nii-sama... You can't... You can't be so loving just to... to make me discard one moment later." When more teardrops rolled down Mokuba's face, he gave up with another attempt to stop them. He would prefered Seto to yell at him, order him to leave, but not stay silence; being ignored was the most painful. "It hurts so badly," Mokuba whispered as, beside the sadness, the frustration started to increase inside him. "Damn, Nii-sama, answer me!" Unexpectedly even for himself, Mokuba raised his voice.

Kaiba froze. He knew Mokuba had a right to be angry with him; also Seto was furious, because it was only his fault that his brother felt so desperately. Nonetheless, it was the first time when Mokuba shouted at his Nii-sama, and it left Seto totally shocked. He had to react, but he only wanted to disappear, he wished the ground would have swallowed him up, anything what would have let him give way from that overwhelming situation. _A thought typical for the weakling_, he ticked himself off. "Go to sleep." Whom did the hoarse voice belong to? Seto found it hard to recognize it as his own.

"So... It's all? All you have to say?" Seto closed his eyes. It sharpened his senses; Mokuba's shivering whisper was more distinct, the same as bitterness which was ringing out in it. When the teen yelled out again, Kaiba discerned familiar powerlessness in his voice, "Do my feelings really mean nothing to you?"

_How could he think so? _Seto questioned in his mind. Then, the awarness it was only his fault pierced him painfully. He could blame only himself, it was what he meant all the time. So... Why it made him suffer? It was enough for him, too many emotions he was not able to cope with. Simultaneously, he knew he could not regret, and destroy all his efforts, just because looking at Mokuba's sadness was tearing his heart. "Do not dare to raise your voice at me anymore," Seto commanded quietly, altought he did not expect Mokuba would obey – if Kaiba had been treated the way his brother was, he would have done contrariwise.

"You are exactly like him!" Mokuba shouted even louder than a moment ago. "You are like Gozaburo... You treat people as if they're your fucking toys, and you don't respect anyone, but yourself!" He said it on purpose. Mokuba meant to hit his brother's the most sensitive spot; he wanted to do anything to rub him the wrong way, and rip from his face the indifference which seemed to cling to it permanently. But when Seto turned to face him, and Mokuba looked into his blue, sad eyes, he regreted his words at once. The younger Kaiba was about to open his mouth, mutter some apologies, ensure his Nii-sama that he had not told what he really thought. However, in a moment Seto made a new wave of anger break into his brother.

"Get out." Seto felt as though he was slapped. "Get out. I don't want to look at you." It was not only forcing himself to keep a distance between them both. At that moment he had to try his best to not * all his frustration. No one ever dared to call him that way, it was obvious that it was the worst insult to Seto, the insult that was burning him from inside.

"Because I've told you the truth? Because I don't wanna be treated by you that way? Don't you really see that recently something is definietly wrong with you, Nii-sama?" The last word Mokuba accentuated without a characteristic respect; for the first time he named his brother ironically, not with a tenderness as he always did. Have losing the entire composure, Mokuba did not think over what he was saying, and did not care about any consequences. He regretted only one thing, his short while of weakness which had overtaken him a moment ago. If Seto hurt him with his every word, even with every one second of silence, Mokuba was not going to be passive towards it any longer.

"You fool," Seto hissed barely audible. He was aware of uselessness of fuel the quarrel, but he had no idea how to give vent to all emotions which acummulated inside him destructively. "You do not understand anything."

"I'm not a fool," Mokuba shouted back yet again, taking a step towards his brother. Some teardrops were falling down his face, but he did not pay any attention to them. "It's you who doesn't understand anything... You don't understand taht I need the old you... That I need the old Nii-sama, my Nii-sama, who cared about me, for whom I was important... I don't wanna this cold stranger, who only..."

"Yes, you are," Seto repeated, interrupting the other severely. He was incapable of listening to another reproaches; even if he was aware how many reasons he had given his brother to make him angry with his Nii-sama, it came to the limit Seto could endure. He was balancing between crying and an outburst of unrestrained wrath; something was breaking down inside him. "You are just a fool, spoiled brat. You can not even appreciate how much I've done for you. For you, I sacrificed my whole life just to keep you safe, to provide you everything you could ever want, or need. And it is how you repay me? How the fuck you dare talk to me like that?" Then he noticed a hard to define expression on Mokuba's face, and his next words just stuck in his throat. Even if the emotions still did not wear off, Seto rallied. It was he who was the older, and should have been also the more responsible and reasonable one. He must have ended it until he said anything what they both would regret. Seto took a deep breath, looking away. "This conversation is over," he said more calmly. "Do not try to follow me," he added, afterwards he passed Mokuba, and left the room hurriedly.

Jittery teen was staring at his brother till Kaiba disappeared from his view. He did not even think about following Seto. Have sinking onto the floor, Mokuba pulled his knees up to his chin. Resting his forehead against them, he did not have the strenght even to cry any longer.

* * *

><p>Shaking under the convulsing weeping, he hated his life more than anytime before. He did not remember the last time, when his anger was so intense, uncontrolled. Seto was angry with himself, becuse at first he had really wanted to cause sorrow to the only one he cared about. He was angry with his past, because it was the reason that had learnt him to hurt everyone who dared to try to give him a pain. He was angry with Mokuba, because his little brother knew better than anyone else what to say to perfectly hit him back. And he was angry with himself, because it was he who had given Mokuba a reason to scream those words.<p>

He did not know what to do with himself. Burying the face into a pillow, Seto was weeping out all emotions he was not able to cope with. _You are __exactly__ like him_. The words was ringing out in his head even louder, when he was alone. Seto could not get rid of the dread that Mokuba had expressed his truly if he was right? If the way he was treated by his Nii-sama reminded him of a cruelty they used to get from their adoptive father? But Mokuba did not know all the truth, he was not aware, he did not know, he did not... Seto squeezed his both hands in his hair sorely, but the pain did not let him stop thinking about some memorioes which broke into his mind. No matter how hard he tried, after many years he was still not able to forget. He almost tasted the blood, when he bit his bottom lip. Kaiba closed his eyes tightly. He was not going to cry. Seto knew that _he _would have wanted it; and the same time he had too many reasons to the next tears. Emotions, which accumulated in him, were inflicting well-nigh physical suffering.

_The door is opened, then slammed. It must be him. I feel that fuckin smell which always makes me sick. I don't look up; because of the fever, I'm not able to do so, even if I wanted to. Though, I hear him coming closer. He doesn't have to say anything, I know too well why he's come. Maybe I should get used to. But I still feel like a vulnerable animal which will be shooted in a moment. It's what I am. It's how I'm treated. _

_"Seto," everytime he says my name it sounds as though it disgusts him. "Damn, look at me, whilst I'm talking to you." _

_"I don't feel well." I don't know, why I told it. It is obvious that he doesn't care. So I'm not surprised, when he grabs my hair, and turns me onto my back. Now I'm forced to face him; a chill runs down my spine as I'm looking at his awful countenance. _

_"You didn't deliver on what you was supposed to do, did you?" _

__"I don't know why are you asking, if you already know the answer." ____From time to time ____I say something what will annoy him____ obviously____, however, I would feel even worse with myself, if I didn't oppose.__

__As I supposed, the effect can be only one. He sat down on the bed, and ____pull at my hair again, giving me even more sore. "Insolent spoiled brat." __

__Sometimes I'm too fed up to care____ about myself____. As now, when ____I'd laugh straight at his face willingly. Doesn he really suppose that while I'm treating like a worthless shit, I could be spoiled anyl longer? I want him to go out, and leave me alone, even if I don't believe myself that it's possible. Seizing an opportunity he's not looking at me, I hide my face into the pillow. __

__"Do not piss me off," he spat back at once, "and answer the question." But I'm just staying silent. Once again, I feel a burning sore atop my scalp, when he pulls me to himself violently. It's not an end; he rests one of his knees on my stomach, making an uncontrolled groan leaves me mouth. "Answer, Seto." His aggresive with his actions, but his voice is still calm. It's so sham. I know him too well to not know that inside he's torn by an anger. Especially because of my silence. "I assue you are aware of the punishment that waits for you, if you won't answer? Come on, Seto. You know it, right? Or maybe you want it?"__

__"If you are going to punish me anyway just because I don't feel well enough to obey your commands, just do it, and eventually leave me alone." I can't just do what he wants me to. If I did, I would be like his damn marionette. The marionette he's been trying to turns me into for years. Besides, we both know he'll punish me no matter what I say. I can read it from the tone of his voice, from the way he stares at me, as he push his knee to my body more and more painfully, squeezing my hair with strength that brings some teardrops to the corners of my eyes. __

_"Be sorry, Seto."_

_I have no idea what tempted me to spit at him. Initally he seems to be shocked. His eyes widened, the face shows all his fury, instead of the deceptive calm he wanted to keep previously. He grabs my hand, and rubs __off the saliva with it. "You fucking tiny bastard," slapping me, he's close to yell. Then, he does it again, and again, and..._

_He reaches for my pants, and unzips them. I try to yell, but he gags me with his hand. He's too strong, I'm incapable of escaping, though, I can't stay passive. I spit again, this time at his hand. He runs the hand across my face, smudging the saliva on it. He turns me onto my stomach, so that I can't see anything, my face is buried into a pillow. But I still feel. And lots, lots more than I woud like. Fuck, how much I would give just to don't feel anything. To don't be here, don't go through this damned hell once again. I've gone through this too many times, I already know all his movements._

_But my fear is always the same._

_I try to think about anything else. Whatever what about, I just don't want to focus my mind on his thrusts, and on the suffering which they bring with. As though I'm burning inside, and my every cell is tearing by the fucking pain. One again, he grasps my hair. I hear some single words, more and more often interrupted by the loud panting above my ear. I know I can't do anything. I can just waint for an end of this horror. Some teardrops roll down my cheeks. I persuade myslef that it's caused by the fever, same as the sweat which douses my whole body. But I do not want to cry. I will not cry. I will show no weakness. I will not lose myself, my pride. Once again, I try to think of anything, but not this piercing sore and the reason of it. It's just another nightmare, another damned nightmare. This fucking bastard doesn't rape me... No, I can't. I can't pretend, when it gives me such pain, bursting me from inside. I scream, but my voice is muffled by the satin fabric. _

_He goes out, leaving me alone, yet I don't feel an expected relie__f__. I __hide__ my face into my hands. I want this agony to end eventually. I want... My wishes __aren't important at all__ for such a long time. Neither __am__ I._


	4. The closest distance

_"I'm tired of being what you want me to be_

_Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface_

_I don't know what you are expecting of me_

_Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes_

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there_

_I've become so tired, so much more aware_

_I'm becoming this, all I want to do _

_Is be more like me and the less like you"_

* * *

><p>"You won't guess, who visited us" the mysterious tone of the voice made him a bit curious.<p>

"Huh?" he muttered surpringsly in response, narrowing his eyes.

It wasn't something Yugi heard often. In general nothing special happened at his grandpa's game shop. Sometimes, as that day, tricolored-haired teen was told to came there at school at once. But it was never any big deal, just new delivery of cards or something smiliar. Now the elder man seemed to be agitated, what intrigued his grandson.

"That little Kaiba boy came to us over hour ago... He told he would wait for you as long as needed" Yugi's grandfather lowered his voice. There wasn't anyone but them, so Yugi realized Mokuba still had to be around.

The teen didn't found anything strange in that situation - maybe Seto was always distant and cool, but the raven-haired teen really liked Yugi and his friends. To be honest, young Mutou was probably his only friend beyond his Nii-sama. They hung out together quite often, in the game shop as well, so Yugi didn't understand, what confused his grandfather. But he was about found it out, when he heard following words.

"There's something... wrong. He didn't let me help him, but... That kid really doesn't look good." Yugi narrowed his eyes. "He's sitting in the back of the shop" he added quickly, pointing the door out.

"Grandpa, will you manage with the shop alone? I would go to him", the younger still didn't understad what was happening, but his grandfather's words worried him. Something was definietly wrong.

Getting a short nod in response, Yugi headed the door. He opened it quietly, then he saw something what really scared him.

The younger Kaiba was sitting on the floor, leading his back against the wall. With knees up to his chin, arms wrapping aroung them, he was staring at the wall in front of him with an empty sight. But it wasn't the worst of this pathetic view. There was a wound crossing his cheek, his T-shirt was cut on a shoulder which was bleeding slightly. Yugi hissed, seeing the mix of blood, sweat and tears on Mokuba's face. It was so strange; the raven-haired, opposite to his brother, usually seemed to be cheerful. Sometimes less, sometimes more, but he never looked so depressed. And now the teen looked just miserable as something really horrible happened to him.

"Mokuba...?", Yugi stepped in, then the teen noticed his presence. A little smiled played along his lips, but few seconds later he hung his head again. The raven-haired started to stroke fabric of his jeans, sniffling. Yugi bit his lower lip. In a moment he knelt beside the younger, slowly wiping wet from the other's cheeks. "Mokuba...", the violet eyes gave him a worrying look. It was hard to not look at cut cloth and bleeding spots on his skin. "What happened...?"

"Ah, you mean this?" Mokuba's stormy eyes stared at his cut T-shirt; he shrugged. "It really doesn't matter, Yugi...", he told quietly, altought he was aware of his miserable appearance. "Your grandpa wanted to help me with taking care of them, but they are unimportant", he sounded so calm; it really didn't match somebody in his condition.

"Mokuba..." Yugi whispered his name once again. "Don't tell me it's not important...", but there was one more thing which bothered the young Mutou. "Why didn't you go with this to your brother? I'm sure he would..."

"I do not want him to help me with anything", Mokuba interrupted him with so cold voice. He turned his head from Yugi, then he closed his eyes.

_His appearance is odd. His behaviour is odd. But now it's the oddest thing I've heard from him ever. _Before Yugi had met Mokuba, he had never thought anyone could so respect and adore someone other as the raven-haired teen had respected and adored his older brother. It was a kind of unconditional love, he had never met before. Whatever had happened, the tricolored-haired couldn't just believe Mokuba's statement was true.

"Why?" he asked simply. Then one thought came to his mind, altought it seemed to be even more impossible. _But if really..._ "Mokuba", he added before the other could say anything. "Don't you want to tell me he..."

"No!" the younger Kaiba stood up suddenly, pushing Yugi accidentally. "How dare you think Nii-sama did it to me?", he said it louder than he wanted to actually, but he felt upset because of his friend's suspicion. Yugi didn't have to end his question, Mokuba already knew what he wanted to ask. _Don't you want to tell me he did it to you? _But when he saw surprised sight in the violet eyes, he realized he had overreacted. "I'm sorry..." Mokuba sighed heavily. "I'm a bit nervous recently", the teen sat down in the previous position, now his voice sounded softer.

_I see... _Yugi thought to himself, but he only shifted to sat by Mokuba's side. He wrapped one of his arms aroud the other and hugged him warmly. _I really would like to get to know what happened... Or just easy his mind. _He considered maybe talking wasn't what the raven-haired needed at that moment; they both just stayed quiet for a longer moment.

"Yugi..." Mokuba broke the silent, still nuzzling his cheek to Mutou's shoulder. Finally he started to confess, really believing he could tell his friend everything. "I had a terrible quarrel with Nii-sama... I needed to take it out on somebody... There are some idiots in my school who teased me, so... Uh, now you can guess, why I'm looking so poorly..." Yugi pulled Mokuba even closer to him. But when the violet-eyes didn't say anything, Kaiba raised his eyes on his friend and bit his bottom lip. "Could I stay for a night...? Please, I don't want to go home."

The tricolored-haired sighed deeply. He wanted to help Mokuba, but he couldn't just let him stay without Seto's agreement. From the other side, Mutou felt he couldn't just do anything. He swallowed, then he stood up. "Wait a moment. We need to take care of your wounds at first", Yugi didn't give the other any chance for response, leaving the room. Mokuba just sighed and closed his eyes, waiting for his friend's return. For a moment he felt better, but when he stayed alone with his thoughts, he cracked a little inside once again. There was too much to think about, too much bothered him. Suddenly the lyrics he had heard few day ago appeared in his mind. _Gotta get bad before it gets good, it gotta het bad, before it gets good. _Mokuba pulled his knees to his chin even closer. He lifted his head only then Yugi came back.

"It will sting a little...", he said, dropping some peroxide on the other's cheek. Mokuba hissed and bit his bottom lip. "Sorry... I wouldn't be a good nurse", Yugi gave the raven-haired an apologizing smile.

"No, it's fine...", Mokuba muttered, but was looking forward until the violet-eyes would be done with cleaning his skin. "Thank you", he said quietly, when it finally happened.

Yugi shrugged, then he sat again beside the younger. "I would prefer to do more to help you."

"I-I just want Nii-sama to stop ignore me..." Mokuba whispered, toying with a fabric of his pants. He looked at Yugi and sniffled. "I do not want him to be so cold to me", he wasn't about to cry, but he felt sadness, because he didn't know what to do. But Yugi always knew, he had a solution to every possible situation, what made Mokuba respect him even as much as Seto and it was the main reason, why the raven-haired came to Mutou with his problem.

Yugi didn't answer for a moment. He was wondering what could happen if Mokuba thought so. Of course the young duelist always found his rival as a cool person, usually impolite and a little surly. But when it came to the younger, Kaiba never behaved that way. Yugi was sure Mokuba was the only person capable of crash Seto's cold personality. "You know your brother", the violet-eyes finally started to speak, wrapping an arm around Mokuba once again. "He's sometimes unbearable, even pesky, but if he loves anyone, it's definietly you."

"So he doesn't love anyone..." Mokuba whispered with a stubborn tune in his voice.

Yugi laughed slightly. "Sometimes you are really like your brother, as stubborn as he is. But you know...? I'm sure he hates your fight as well, so try to talk to him... And avoiding a problem as you want to do by staying here at night isn't any solution."

Mokuba closed his eyes and nuzzled his cheek to the other's shoulder. He was curious if Seto would be jealous seeing his younger brother hugging his rival. It made him smile a little. The raven-haired felt somewhat better; Yugi's words really made sense for him. "Thank you..." he whispered again. "Thank you for everything", he wasn't totally convinced, but not so depressed at least.

"Let me call your brother, Mokuba", Yugi stroked the other's hair and gave him another smile. He tried to not sound worrying, altought that situation confused him.

Mokuba sighed deeply. "I'll mull it over, okay?"

The other nodded shortly. He stand up and offered Mokuba a hand to help him stand up as well. "Sure. Now come on, my grandpa's got a new delivery of cards, we'll take a look at them. Maybe it woud raise your mood, huh?"

* * *

><p>It would have be another usual day in Kaiba Corporation, if not really bad mood of the young president of the company. He was known as a person, who easly get annoyed, ironic and hot-headed. People knew how unbearable he was, when something wasn't as he wished. Despite being obsessed with execute his commands, he was such a great CEO. Even if sometimes he fired his employees just for simple reasons as doing something on their own or forgetting about remind their boss of any meeting. Even if at that moment he was growling at everyone in the reach of his sight.<p>

Seto Kaiba was sitting in his office on the highest level of Kaiba Corporation. Crossing his legs under the desk, arms on his chest, he was just staring at the screen of his laptop. He couldn't focus on anything and he was in the mood of just nothing; for a longer time he didn't feel so wretched. There was a empty document in front of him and from time to time he tried to type something, but it ended by deleting everything.

"Kaiba-sama, that engineer you wanted to talk to..."

Seto rolled his blue eyes. He didn't raise his sight to glance at an elegant woman in the doorway, whose behaviour annoyed him even more. "Iwasaki, what I've told you about stepping in to my office without knocking before?" he asked with a little impatient tone in his voice. It sounded as monotonous as usual when he was talking to his employees, even with a little anger. "Go out and come back later, when you'll understand you can't avoid my commands, if you want to keep your job."

_Such a stupid girl_ he thought to himself. _Why do I have to work with so many idiots?_ At that moment he couldn't understand, why he had hired someone like that woman. She was definietly competent, but it was another time she didn't follow his orders. Maybe appropriate knocking wasn't the most important of her tasks, but his employees' behaviour was as important for Seto as their skills.

When one moment later the blue-eyes heard knocking on the door, he just ignored it. He loved to tease those silly people, when his mood was fucking bad. It didn't help to get his frame of mind better, but the CEO just liked to take it out on somebody. Employees, depended upon him, were just perfect for it.

"Kaiba-sama? Kaiba-sama, it's really important" the voice behind the door sounded a bit impatiently. "Please, let me in."

"Suck me tender", Kaiba muttered, sure the woman didn't hear him. Even if she did, he didn't care. At that moment, he didn't care of anything. Almost.

He closed his laptop with a loud snap. Still hearing annoying sounds coming from the hallway, Seto stood up and went to the window. Once again he crossed his arms on his chest. From the highest level of the buliding, he had an excellent view. He could see beautiful panorama of Domino City which now looked so ordinarily. Lots of rushing people, but also lots of walkers, mothers with their children or playing kids. Nothing more but just simply life.

Sometimes Seto desired such an normal life. He felt just tired up, especially the day after a fucking hard night, when the brunet couldn't sleep all night long. It wouldn't have been anything new for him, he accustomed himself to sleep extremely hardly anything. But not to nearly cry because of mix of anger, sadness and powerlessness. The blue-eyes still felt hurt after a fight with his yonger brother, unluckily it wasn't going to end. He didn't suppose Mokuba was capable of being as stubborn as he was. He was sure the raven-haired would come to him and apologize even last night, but nothing like that happened.

Kaiba opened the window, then he sat down on the windowsill sideways. Closing his eyes, he nuzzled his cheek to the cold glass. A horrible headache bothered him form the early morning, so he found icy touch as a little, pleasant relief.

Seto couldn't stop to think about his brother. Mokuba didn't understand how much pain he had given him, it was obvious for the blue-eyes. But their quarrel was probably his limit. Seto doubted he could stand anything more. That night gave him a lot of painful memories he just wanted to forget. They bothered him for years and when he started to leave them behind... He was going to break down and the only possible one to save him was too far and distant.

All of a suden, he felt vibes in one of the pockets of his leather pants. He reached his cell phone and moaned with discontent. _Oh fuck, what a good timing... He exactly knows when I don't want to talk to anyone. A__nd__ he is at the top of __the list of __people I'm not gonna speak with. _In spite of unwiligness, Seto answered the call. "What do you want, Yugi?", he asked with more harsh voice than he meant.

_"Kaiba-kun?" _Yugi seemed to be a little surprised with that harsh, but he kept being as poite as always. _"Could you come to me?" _

"I don't have any time" the brunet said simply. Seto could say he wanted to get a cookie and effect would be the same. Sound of his voice was antipathetic enough, significance of the sentence was just unnecessary.

_"I guess so. But it's about Mokuba. He came to me and... Kaiba, he doesn't look well and I don't suppose it's something to talk about by the phone. You really need to come and-"_, Seto hung up. Orders? He wasn't going to execute Yugi Mutou's orders, especially about caring about his brother. He knew how to do it and didn't need any advices.

Seto fisted his hands and growled. It was a kind of situation he really hated. The blue-eyes was still very angry with Mokuba, but if something was wrong with him... When it was about the teen, Seto could desert his pride. Protecting his little brother was always the most important thing to him.

* * *

><p>"He really has a flair for this, you know?"<p>

Yugi stepped in from the back of the shop and smiled slightly after the elder Mutou's words. Mokuba was still standing next to the tricolored-haired's grandfather, looking over some cards in his hands. He hadn't seen the ones before, but he noticed they would match to his brother's deck. Two spell cards and a trap one. "Nii-sama has taught me a little...", he said with a little sniffle.

"I think Yugi could teach you as well", the raven-haired sighed deeply after that sentence. He was aware of Yugi's grandpa's unwillingness to his Nii-sama and he didn't found anything strange in that fact. He had really good reason, but the elder probably didn't know the reason, why the older Kaiba had destroyed his Blue-Eyes White Dragon.

"You don't like my Nii-sama...", Mokuba said quietly concluding, not asking. Even now his heart speeded up a little, when he thought about Seto. "But if you don't like him because of ripping up your Blue-Eyes, I should be the blamed one..."

Yugi narrowed his violet eyes. He didn't expect the teen would answer that way, but he kept quiet, seeing Mokuba opening his mouth once again.

"Nii-sama promised me to get the Blue-Eyes... I wanted it from the first time I saw it" it was more meaning than he told, but Mokuba didn't want to talk about the whole story. He was sure his Nii-sama wouldn't like him to do it. "Over time he gained the first one, the second... And he wanted to have all Blue-Eyes White Dragons, because he knew how much I was crazy about that card. He liked to call it as our pride and soul, symbol of our love." _Love. Our love. _When Mokuba said it aloud, it didn't sound as in his head. For anyone else it was just brotherly love, but for the younger Kaiba 'love' didn't equal only 'brotherly' anymore. "I'm sorry...", he added whispering.

The younger Motou knew the story already. He had heard it in the virtual world, maybe not everything, but he knew how important the Blue-Eyes was for the brothers. The tricolored-haired didn't suppose it was the reason, why Seto teared up his grandpa's card, but now it made sense.

"Your brother is such a lucky man thanks to having you", Mokuba couldn't hold back a grin, hearing the elder's words. He murmured quiet thanks, still staring at the cards in his hands.

All of a sudden, the door became opened. A tall figure, dressed in a black leather pants, a shirt in the same colour and a white coat without sleeves which was waving slightly with every gust of wind. Even in summer Seto Kaiba was always full-dressed, never showing even a small part of his skinny body. He didn't bother himself by stepping in, but only one gaze was enough to see Mokuba's miserable condition. He froze, seeing his brother's cut clothes, bruises and trails of blood on his skin. _Who dared... _Seto clenched his teeth, his hands fisted automatically. But he wasn't about being so protective and careful in the doorway of Mutous' game shop. It was just his and Mokuba's issue and he didn't want anyone to integrate.

"Leave it", Seto glanced at a few cards in the younger's hands. "I'm taking you home."

"N-Nii-sama...", Mokuba gave his brother a surprised gaze. He didn't expect the blue-eyes would really come for him, especially after their fight. But when he saw his love, his heartbeat speeded up.

"I'm not going to say it again, Mokuba", the older Kaiba turned and just left. He headed his car where he wanted to wait for his little brother; not for a long time, he hoped.

Maybe it wasn't quite a nice behaviour, but a slight smile played along Yugi's lips. The violet-eyes had noticed a shadow of enrage expression on Seto's face, when he had seen Mokuba and his bad condition. _Kaiba being... __so __Kaib__a. __But h__e won't deny how much he cares for his brother. _

Mokuba swallowed hard. His Nii-sama looked so pissed off and the raven-haired hoped that he wasn't the reason. One fight was definietly enough for him, now he wanted just his old, beloved Nii-sama back.

"I have to go", the younger from brothers muttered quietly; his cheeks blushed a little. "Goodbye and... thank you for everything once again", before Yugi or his grandpa had any opportunity to response, Mokuba ran out from the shop to join his older brother. He was aware waiting for so long could only make Seto more upset.

When the younger reached the black ferrari parked in front of the shop and sat down near to the older, Seto gave him a worrying look. But the brunet didn't forget about their fight and still felt just bad with that. He didn't know exactly what to say, so he just started to drive. Seto hoped Mokuba wouldn't like to talk at that moment, it probably just wasn't a proper time.

Mokuba closed his eyes and leaned his cheek against the window. Soft noises made by the car were peaceful, even sending to sleep. But he couldn't take a rest, when pissed off Nii-sama was still coming to his mind. It bothered the raven-haired too much, so he tried to clean the atmosphere. "Are you angry with me, Nii-sama...?" he asked, meaning to sound innocently.

Seto rolled his eyes. "I'm driving, Mokuba", he answered with a little annoyed voice. _Recently he does everything I don't want him to do. Purposely? _

"You're such a good driver, Nii-sama", the younger wasn't about to give up. "I know you can talk and drive simultaneously."

"I can talk, I can drive, but I can't piss off, so just stay quiet, Mokuba", Seto felt raising anger. He didn't want to get angry at his brother, especially when something was definietly wrong with Mokuba, but it was just stronger than him. Such a stupid question, sush a stupid obstinacy.

The younger sniffled. He never supposed he would prefer to stay with Yugi than with Seto, but at that moment he just wanted to come back to the game shop. Of course he didn't say it aloud - Mokuba knew it would only get the situation even worse. However he wasn't going to be meek and submissive, while the blue-eyes only growled at him.

When Seto parked in front of their house, Mokuba got out of the car at once. _I was so fool to let Yugi call him... We're going to have another fight, I sense it. _Going upstairs, he passed one of their maids who gave him a surprised look. The younger Kaiba knew how pathetically he looked, but he really didn't care, besides asking wasn't their maids' task. When he only reached his bedroom, the raven-haired teen fell down on his bed. With closed eyes, he nuzzled his face to a soft pillow. Mokuba was sure Seto would come to him for a moment and he was right; when just few minutes passed, the characteristic sound of his brother's slow footsteps became audible.

"What do you want?" Mokuba asked, when the older only opened the door. "Yesterday you didn't want to speak with me, one moment ago as well. Now I'm not in the mood of talking with you, even of staying with you in the same room", the younger knew those words were so rude and he didn't really want to say them, but even when he realized it, he wasn't going to apologize.

Seto sighed deeply. Mokuba could swear there was a litte hurt in the sapphire eyes for a short moment. "I'm not interested in your wantings", the older crossed his arms on his chest, anger was back in his sight. "Tell me two things. Who did it to you and why did you go with that to Mutou instead of coming to me?"

But the blue-eyes didn't get any answer. He had no idea, why Mokuba was behaving like that, if Seto was the only one who should've be resentful. Finally Mokuba shook his head and curled up. "If you don't respect me, I'm not going to respect you too", there was a mixture of anger and sadness in his voice. "Leave me alone."

"I respect you, Mokuba" the older said quietly, trying to calm his voice. He knew the next fight would lead them to nowhere and he didn't have any force to go throught the same once again. "I just want to protect you, so tell me..."

"Do not lie!" Mokuba cried out, what made his brother so confused. Seto looked like he got a slap just now, incapable of any response. "I can't stand any longer your fucking protection if it contains nothing more, but ignoring me and growling at me", Mokuba shifted himself and now he was lying on his right side, his back facing the other. With face buried into the pillow, the teen felt single teardrops coming to his eyes. "Do you really want to know, why I'm looking like a piece of shit? Because I was fed up with you and I had to take it out on anybody."

"So you got into a fight at school, didn't you?", Seto tried to not focus on the first sentences and Mokuba's reproach, but it was harder and harder with every painful word. Normally Seto would sold his brother for such an irresponsible action, but at that moment he really wanted just to calm the other. He sighed deeply, not surprised Mokuba didn't response. "You always asked me to let you leave your school... If it has to end up that way, I'll take you from there", sounded like a bribery, but the older Kaiba didn't have any another idea, how to make his brother stop being angry with him.

"I don't."

"Why?", the quite answer surprised Seto. It wasn't something he expected, the blue-eyes was sure Mokuba would love the proposal.

"I want to go to school and have friends", Mokuba started to explain, finnaly turning around to face the older. There was something in his eyes Seto couldn't name. Not rage, not sorrow and definietly not the loving stormy eyes the older knew and missed so much. "I do not want to be like you... With no friedns, so selfish, toying with people... Now you're nice to me, only because I defied you and if you lost me, you wouldn't have anyone else", he told it just to split his older brother. Mokuba wanted to be just one time not the only one who get hurt by the other. He didn't regret his words, even those from the last night, but unexpectedly his reproah was painful for him too. "Leave me alone..."

Seto was just standing there, shocked; he found his body shaking, unable to any movemenet. He had no idea what was worse - his little brother loving or hating him. Both options had to be just destruction.

Mokuba turned over; the raven-haired felt he was going to cry, but he didn't want Seto to see it. He never argued with his brother and with two fighst withing less than twenty four hours, he felt just awfully.

There was only silence between them, breaking from time to time only by the younger's soft sobbing he even didn't try to stop; he was too powerless. When his crying got louder, Seto did something he would never expect, not when he had sworn to himself to not get too close to Mokuba. But this was too much for him and he just needed to be near to the only one he loved. Seto desired his brother's closeness, he knew they both needed it - they both needed to easy their minds and there was only one way to do it.

He knelt near to the bed and reached his hand to the other's hair; the blue-eyes started to stroke them gently. "Shh..." Seto whispered softly, but he was about to cry too. He scrambled up onto the bed and lay down beside Mokuba. The older wrapped his arms around the smaller closely and started to rock him, nuzzling himself to the other's back. Kaiba caressed his little brother as strong as he only could, as their warm embrace was the only thing keeping him alive. Seto moved his hand from the raven hair down to his brother's chest and tightly clenched his fingers on the fabric of Mokuba's T-shirt. The gentle body in his arms was everything he desired. He started to kiss his love's head in such a chaotically way. With face hidden in the raven hair, Seto felt Mokuba's wonderful smell; so sweet and soothing, the same as his owner. But he was still crying, shivering, what Seto just couldn't stand for any longer. "Mokie, please... Don't cry... Your tears are too much for me to endure..." he was giving the younger another kiss after every word. His body was trembling, the same as he was trembling inside and he felt a horrible feeling of burning in his chest.

It was something Mokuba dreamed about for a long time - his beloved Nii-sama kissing him, cuddling, they both so close to each other. But there was still a mix of anger and resentment inside him. Still too many memories about the older ignoring him, even after being so loving a moment ago. The raven-haired couldn't just resist and cling to Seto, wrapping his arms around his brother's neck, returning every kiss. The teen still felt it was just out of his reach. This whole situation was nothing more, nothing meaning, only inflow of tenderness, because after Mokuba's words the older Kaiba felt lost and lonely. Another rejection would be just too much for the teen.

Mokuba forced himself to push Seto away and he sat down on the bed, pulling his knees up to his chin. "I've told you, leave me alone."


	5. A night in D minor

**Originally, this chapter had to be a part of the next one. But I love to write as Seto and focus on his mental, so I just needed to make it this way. Anyway, I hope you'll like it.**

* * *

><p><em>"Incompatible, it don't matter though<em>

_'Cause someone's bound to hear my cry_

_Speak out if you do, you're not easy to find_

_Who doesn't long for someone's to hold_

_Who knows how to love you without being told_

_Somebody tell me, why I'm on my own,_

_If there's a soulmate for everyone"_

* * *

><p>Three Blue-Eyes White Dragons are laying in front of me on the white cover. I'm moving my fingertips down one of them and a slight smile plays along my lips. There're more cards as well, but my beloved Dragons are the ones I always give the most attention. They are one of not many stable things in my life which can ease my mind; in the point I'm at the moment, I need something like them more than usually.<p>

I'm sitting on the bed with my legs crossed and I'm leaning my back agaist the headrest; it's the most comfortable position for me, especially now, when I want to have the best view on my cards. I'm spending tonight playing a little with my deck. I'm looking my cards over, thinking about some new tactics; there is no other activity I could focus on, when my mind is full of bothersome thoughts.

Normally I would do all these things with my younger brother. Mokuba just loves talking with me about Duel Monsters. Sometimes I give him part of my cards and we duel together just for fun. Of course I never play with him my best; it has to please us, anyway he's quite good. Huh, how he couldn't be, when _I am _the one teaching him? Our little duels from time to time give me more joy than professional duels with anyone.

To be honest, Mokuba is the only person I enjoy spending time together. My little brother is the only person whose company I like... probably 'love' is a better word in his case. We don't even have do anything, even staying in silence with Mokuba by my side is just wonderful. I don't like to spend time with other people. Maybe it's a little strange; I spend most of my time in Kaiba Corporation, where, willy-nilly, I have to speak with them very often. I never could find my feet when it went to other people. It's so easy, when they just follow your orders, but when you must engage emotionally in any relationship... Well, I'm not going to do sort of ridiculous things like that. I've never felt any need to even try. I got used to that state of affairs - people give only pain and I'm not going to get more of it anymore, because of stupid letting anyone get too close to me.

There's still some cards that I can see only by the exterior, arranged in the tight pile. I draw one of them and my gaze meets Vorse Raider. Looking at that one, a thought comes to my mind; is there really something like 'heart of the cards'? Or maybe I already subconsciously belive in it? Sometimes I pretend my cards, especially Blue-Eyes, can hear me. I like to talk to him and treat him as my friend I never had. And even if he can't answer, I feel better with him by my side. My soul. My pride. The friend and the servant in one, who never let me down. He is also the symbol of my relationship with Mokuba. When I was exhausted because of learning without even a short break and I couldn't see any sense in that pathetic life, my younger brother drew him for me. Nearly ten years passed, but I still remember that moment very well. It was the time when I swore to get the real Blue-Eyes White Dragon; not one, all of them, because I knew how much Mokuba was crazy about that card.

I hope one day he will understant that all my life is sacrificied for him and everything I do, it is always for his sake.

I hear his footsteps going downstairs. It makes me look at my cell phone to check an hour; nearly ten in the evening. Mokuba is probably going to drink something before his sleep. He always does it, it helps him fall asleep.

I'm thinking about him for a longer moment. The weekend was just agony for me; since Mokuba threw me out from his bedroom, he didn't told me even one word. He's still in his bedroom, he even ate there if I was at home. I can't understand his behaviour, he never was like that. He has to be so angry with me... Or maybe he hates me already.

Longing for him makes me feel so empty inside. I miss him so much; I miss his cute face, his big, stormy eyes which always gave me so loving glance. I miss the sweetest smile, I definietly could kill for it. And I miss his soft voice. When I hear him calling me "Nii-sama", when there is always so much concern and adoration in his tone, I feel like don't need anything more; my little piece of happiness.

I'm so pathetic... It's what I wanted, right? I kept a distance between us to make him stop have feelings towards me. But from the other side... Oh fuck, sometimes I really cant' stand myself.

My body is a little tired in contrast to my mind; so another sleepless night is coming. It scares me a bit, because for me nights are the worst part of days. They paralyze me and always bring memories, emotions I woudn't like to remember, but forget forever. I can't understand that, but nights are so different than daytime. Every fear is more dreadful, dreams seem to be more unreachable and loneliess... Well, loneliess tastes even more bitter than usual. I just hate it. I hate it the same as the reason, why I feel it.

I sigh deeply. Leaving my cards, now I'm sitting on the edge of the bed. I took off my favourite white sleeveless coat, but I didn't put it away. My sight is placed on the metal KC near to the collar. Sometimes I really have no idea, why I'm still wearing it. Kaiba Corporation isn't the same company as years ago, but I still hate that last name. I hate person, who gave me it. Not so comfortable, being called after man who used to abuse me physically and mentally, even if Seto Kaiba is known as a powerful and I-can-do-everything man. And, I know, the surname let me secure Mokuba's future and give him everything he could ever need or want. I hate myself when I have to say I don't regret anything, 'cause my suffer let Mokuba have a good life.

Just from time to time I want those memories get out of my head so badly...

Finally I let the coat fall onto the floor. I take off belts from my arms and my black shirt as well; it's so good to be just in my dark undershirt. Recently days are so hot, but I hate being not fully-dressed. I'm not sure it's another complication after my damned past, nonetheless thought about someone looking at my body just disgusts me.

I hear Mokuba's footsteps once again. He's going back and I know, he will sleep in a moment. My brother always falls asleep so easy. The exact opposite of me. For a short while I want to go to him, but I still have my pride. I was near to lose it three days ago and now it's his turn to make a move. Because I can't imagine that the awful situation between us could go on for a longer time. It's the first time we don't speak to each other. I screwed up, but I wanted to fix it; I'm not going to beg him to forgive me. I promised myself much time ago I won't beg anyone for anything. I bend back and now my back are lying down on the soft cover, my feet are still on the floor. I pick some random cards and start to shuffle them just to have any activity.

_I was lying on my bed with face burying into a pillow. I was trying so hard to not cry, but another teardrops appeared in the corners of my eyes; I had more of them blurried on my cheeks already. Sometimes, when I was feeling as my body was on fire, I was wondering how much pain one man can stand, especially when psychic pain was killing from inside the same as the physic. If I head any limits, they definietly had to expand much time ago._

_He was sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed again. I felt smoke of the cigarette. Huh, he liked to doing it when he ended already. I didn't care. Smell from the cigarette is way too better than his own that alwyas made me sick. My damned step-father liked to do one more thing with a cigarette and I was sure he was about doing it in a moment._

_"Don't!", I cried out, when he finally extinguished the cigarette on my back. I raised my head and unluckily he noticed tears on my face which got red the same as my eyes. _

_"You are so fucking weak, Seto", he said with annoyed tone in his voice, but he was very calm. "Your pathetic behaviour does never let me have some fun", a smirk played along his mouth. _

_I turned my back to him and curled up. "Get out", I said quietly. I knew it wouldn't help, but I just couldn't stay in silence and let him do with me whatever he only wanted to._

_I could bet he smiled. I heard it in his voice, when he spoke to me again. "Typical slut", he pushed me by my hair to face him. "Don't you want to spend some time with your father?"_

_It was unbearable, hearing him calling himself that way. We both know he never was a father for me or Mokuba. But I didn't say it aloud, because it threatened another fight at the moment, when everything I wanted was just be alone with my suffering. "Get out", I repeated trying to sound calm._

_''Please me."_

_'Fuck off' were the first words which came to my mind. I say it aloud before I had thought about it. He hit me with his free hand. More pain? No problem, I got used to. But I started to cry again... Oh fuck, I'm just fucking weak... I found it impossible to pretend even to myself. _

_"The only possible 'fuck' is 'fuck you' once again. So decide, whoreson. Do you want to be fucked or beg me as a nice hooker you are?"_

_"Go out... please", I said, forcing myself to not spit at his loathsome face._

_"Be nicer, Seto", no doubt he just enjoyed that._

_I closed my eyes. I don't want to do that, but I have no choice. Being powerless is something I can't stand. "Please, let me be alone... I'm begging you..."_

_Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Fuck, how much I hate you, how much I scorn you. I want to see you all in pain. I want to be the one giving you fucking suffer. Die. Just, fuck, die. _

_I felt so pathetic, 'cause I was capable of saying it only in my mind. _

_He lowered to kiss me and I know he did it only to tease me. It was something he always called 'goodnight kiss for beloved son'. _

"Fuck off", I find myself saying it aloud. Sometimes I talk to myself aloud, because this way I'm able to run away from my bothersome thoughts. It was one of memories that comes to my mind oftener than I would like. Fuck, I never want them. I want them only to disappear, but recently they remind me about themselves over and over.

They will not disappear. Never. I believed there is one way to forget about them, but now... No matter. It will bother me forever, I reconciled myself to that fact much time ago.

I stood up and crossed the room. My bedroom is the only room in whole house, when maids musn't come. Even if I'm tired, I always clean it myself and everything here is done by me. When someone tries to reach my space, it really drives me crazy. There is a row of bookcases next to the door, full of books and cd albums. Books are arranged by colours of their spines. First are the green ones, with all their shades, then yellow, orange, red, purple, blue. On the other bookcase are layd only white, gray and black books. When I look at it now, I've got so many achromatic books.

When it goes to music, albums are arranged by frequency I listen to them. I've got such a big collection of albums; I like to have them, even if I don't listem to all of them. Kneeling in front of them, I'm looking them over to find something commensurate with my mood. A melancholy one, but not too sad... I don't like to get myself down. U2, Nickelback, Depeche Mode, Foo Fighters... I'm really proud of my music taste. It's excellent, isn't it? But no, Bono, Gahan, you aren't proper at the moment. Even you, Morrison, but you know how much I adore you... Okay, sometimes I talk not only to my Dragons, but favourite vocalist as well.

I love classical music too. It always helps me calm down and it is what I need now. Bach, Beethoven... I used to play lots of Beethoven; he has to be really great, if I still want to listen to him. Finally I reached for Erik Satie, one of my favourite composers. I don't have enough words to describe, how his 'Gnossienne' moves me from inside, especially number 3. I turned it on and soft melodies of piano reach my ears.

I'm lying down on my bed again. With closed eyes, I'm just listening to the music, trying to think about anything. There are a few thunders far away; the storm is coming, but there's nothing strange in that fact, we had consecutive some hot days in Domino.

Since my parents' are gone, I spend every stormy night in only one way. Closing Mokuba in warm embrace, I was kissing his soft raven hair, caressing it the same as his back. He always nuzzled his face to the crook of my neck and trembling a little. I've got no idea, why he's so afraid of storms, but I didn't mind it. Of course I hate it, when my younger brother afraid of anything, but I can't help how much I love his touch, his fragile body in my arms...

The lack of the common came with another load thunder, but I don't care that now I'm in dark room and only noise I hear makes rain hitting my windows. Mokuba is still asleep or he is too proud to come to me, but I'm not gonna check it. But if the first case... I really miss his body by my side. I miss everything about him and, fuck, I'm lying in my bed swearing I'll never make a distance between us, if only things turn out better. Love makes me so weak, but I probably want to be weak if that weakness is because of Mokuba and his closeness.

I sighed, stroking playfully my dark bangs. Finally I rest my hand on my forehead adn I close my eyes. Once again my thoughts go in direction they shouldn't, straight towards my brother, but I have only them; there's no Mokuba in my bed, so I want to have him at least in my head.

In my mind he's once again in my bed. We are cuddling each other, his hands are in my hair and on my chest, when I'm wrapping my arms around his waist closely. His shivering in my arms but I doubt it's because of fear. He's slowly kissing my neck, sometimes I feel his tongue on my skin and it's the best what I've ever felt. I pulled him even closer, slidling my hands under...

Staph. It's becoming dangerous. Go to fucking sleep, Nii-sama.

Have I just called myself 'Nii-sama'...?


	6. Morphine

_"Your cruel device, your blood like ice_

_One look __–__ could kill, my pain __– __your thrill_

_I wanna love you, but I better not touch_

_I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop_

_I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much_

_I wanna taste you, but your lips are like venemous poison_

_You're poison running through my veins, y__ou're poison_

_I don't wanna break these chains"_

* * *

><p>Mokuba woke up with a shout leaving his mouth. He pushed himself to a sitting position with one hand on his chest, his breath got heavier. Under his fingertips, he felt his heart beating unnaturally fast. For a moment he didn't know exactly what was happening, until another thunder reached his ears. He found his body trembling; the storms were something that always made him scared, especially when there was no Nii-sama's arms to bury into them.<p>

"Just some loud noises... No need to be worry about", he was repeating in his mind, when he finally lay down and curled up. The quilt was so warm, the same as his pillow. It should've made him feel safe; Mokuba loved to hug soft stuffs, it was a sort of comfort. And there was no possibility to get another way to ease his mind. The teen was not about going to Seto and nuzzle to his body as he always did, when he was scared about anything. Maybe he loved and adored his Nii-sama, but the younger Kaiba was capable of being as stubborn as his older brother. He didn't feel well with the way their relationship was going on, but he wasn't going to apologize. Mokuba wanted Seto to stop thinking only about himself and treating him like a toy which can be loved in a moment and throwing out in the next one. And, he really believed so, ignoring was the only way to learn Seto he couldn't do behave like that any longer. From the other side, he wouldn't be surprised if Seto waited for Mokuba's sorry as well. He knew the older, he knew how stubborn he was, egocentric, never wanting to admit to any mistake. But now it wasn't going to be so easy for Kaiba, Mokuba had sworn it to himself few days ago and he wasn't about break the promise just because he was afraid of storm.

All of a sudden, the teen heard a soft noise of opened door. He froze; he didn't need to check who was coming, it could be only one person. It was middle of the night and the fact his brother just came to his bedroom was at least strange. Mokuba stayed quiet; he had no idea how to behave, so he decided to wait for the older's explanation. Seto slid into bed and lay down next to Mokuba, turning his back to the teen. The raven-haired really didn't understand much from the situation. Enough time passed since they slept together the latest time and, Mokuba already knew it, his Nii-sama wasn't going to share a bed with him anymore. Especially when they were divided. The younger Kaiba hoped the other woud speak with him and explain what was happening, but Seto didn't look like somebody who was about starting a talk. It annoyed Mokuba; even if Seto had come to him, he was still ignoring the teen. "Afraid of the storm?" Mokuba asked maliciously, meaning to compel the older to talking.

A sigh of annoyance escaped from Kaiba's mouth. "Nice try", he said with his typical monotonous voice, a mix of being bored and angry. "Tell me more and I'll leave you here alone to cry out with a fear again", Seto didn't even bother himself to look at his brother. He had come to Mokuba's bedroom, because he had been worried, hearing the youger's scream. They didn't have to speak with each other, but he was the older and, it went without saying, more reasonable and responsbile brother at first. He had to comfort Mokuba with his best, even if he had to desert his pride. Nonetheless he hoped for a better repay than the biting question. After Kaiba's answer, Mokuba bit his bottom lip. He wasn't nice to the other as first, but he just hated when Seto talked to him with such a cold tone. Otherwise the older was right, his presence was making the teen feel safely and gave him lots of comfort.

The only light in the room was coming from the street lights. Mokuba, lying sideways and looking at his brother's back, noticed that it clearly illuminated Seto's delicate muscles. The lines of shadows on his shoulders, arms, shoulder blades made the younger Kaiba want to touch his brother. He always found his Nii-sama very attractive, but he didn't remember the latest time when he saw Seto not fully-dressed. His heart speeded up as he was observing the older's body very thoroughly. Masculine scent hit his nostrils; it moved Mokuba too much, he didn't want to be divided with the older Kaiba any longer. It was enough to made the younger forget about his plans of ignoring his brother. "Nii-sama...", a quiet moan escaped from his lips involuntarily.

Seto stirred slightly. Mokuba's voice sounded way too calmer than a moment ago, what gave him a little relief. Because of the teen's previous actions, he was sure his brother hated him or was very angry with him; soft 'Nii-sama' didn't match to none of those feelings. "I don't want to fight with you any longer, Mokuba", he admitted quietly with a sigh. If there was a possibility of being reconciled, being still crossed with the other was totally meaningless.

"Neither do I...", Mokuba moved a little closer to his brother, but there was still a clearly distance between them. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Nii-sama..." the raven-haired whispered sadly; he wasn't capable of being angry with his Nii-sama for a longer time and his sight was enough to remind him of all his longing. He could avoid Seto when he didn't see him, but when Kaiba was in the reach of his arms... It got quite difficult and Mokuba wasn't sure whether he wanted to resist the temptation of being so close to the other, no matter if he had to apologize as first.

Seto shook his head. "We both told too much", his deep voice was barely audible. Even if he hated admitting to mistakes, now he had to. There were too much nerves, yearing, and suffer for both brothers to let the situation between them just go on. But he still couldn't forget about one thing Mokuba had told him. That reproach was too painful to forget about it without any clarification, but asking was heavy as well. "I... I just want to know one thing", Seto said slowly, fisting his one hand on the blue sheet.

The younger's eyes widened. The aswer surprised him; it didn't sound like Seto, but he liked it. He was afraid of being the only one saying sorry, what was likely with the older's unwillingness to being apologetic. "What is that, Nii-sama?" he asked with a curiosity.

Kaiba was still lying with his back turned to Mokuba. When it went to emotions, talking was really hard to him and not looking at the younger made it a little bit more tolerable. "I just want to know... You've told I'm like him...", his voice started to shiver slightly. "I just want to be sure, if-"

"No", Mokuba cut the sentence short; he already knew what the question was about. The teen was aware his Nii-sama had difficulty with that sort of subjects, so he wanted to help him. He owed Seto that and even more; Mokuba had no doubts, his words had hurt his brother, but he had to heard that trembling voice to understand, how much pain he gave the other. "I was angry with you... I'm sorry, I never meant to say anything painful, you know it, right...? Nii-sama..." Mokuba couldn't stand the awareness of his Nii-sama's suffering any longer; he placed his hand on Kaiba's waist, what produced another stir. Then, the teen started to stroke his brother's hair by his free hand. It wasn't comfortable for Seto. He desired Mokuba's touch, but not when his thoughts once again went to their step-father and the recent fights.

Closing his eyes, Kaiba sighed and finally turned to face Mokuba. "I know", he said simply. The teen didn't let him say anything more; he reached for his brother's hand and closed it in an embrace with his both hands.

"Nii-sama...", Mokuba whispered, rubbing his cheek against Seto's palm. "He was the worst, the most cruel person I've ever met... And you... you...", the younger had problem with collecting his thoughts. He just kissed his brother's hand again, the palm at first, then every long finger. It made the older a little confused; Mokuba wasn't in habit of doing something like that, but it too pleasant to interrupt.

"Wait...", Kaiba said quietly. He didn't want Mokuba to think he didn't like his action, but lying sideways was more and more uncomfortable. Seto lay on his back, letting the younger hold his hand all the time. The teen didn't change his position; now they were looking in their eyes each other, even if they couldn't see a lot because of lack of the current.

Kaiba wasn't sure whether Mokuba wanted to end the sentence. The teen kissed his brother's hand again with so much respect and love. _You don't even know, how fucking awful he was _Seto thought to himself in response to Mokuba's words. His little brother didn't know everything what their step-father had done to the older, but Kaiba was far away from making Mokuba realize the whole truth. He didn't want to burden him with that pain and worry him. He had to cope with his memories and suffer alone, moreover he didn't want the younger to think his Nii-sama was such a weak, bothered by the past person.

"You are perfect...", Mokuba said finally, giving his brother another kiss. "There is nothing you've got in common with him."

_Him. _Kaiba brothers hardly ever called their step-father in other way, but just 'he'. They never treated Gozaburo as their father, the same as he never called them his sons; he did it sometimes in such a biting way, just to tease Seto. Not saying his name had to be a sign of disrespect brothers had to him, but it helped Seto only a little bit. He was sure, the only way to feel relief would be forget about the man completly, just erease him from his and Mokuba's minds. Kaiba sighed deeply. "Thank you", he whispered; Mokuba's words gave him comfort he needed so much.

Mokuba released his brother's hand and wrapped his arms around Seto's waist. The sudden action unexpected, but Kaiba wasn't going to reject the younger. He clenched his fingers on Mokuba's T-shirt at once his other hand moved through raven hair. His breath got slighlty heavier; finally he had Mokuba in his arms, it was just wonderful - being able of feeling his closeness, feeling his hearbeating on the chest and soft breath on the neck. But Mokuba was still bothered by some issues and he needed to get a little comfort too, even if now raven-haired felt more peaceful than recently. Eventually he had his Nii-sama by his side and felt his warm touch that Mokuba missed it a lot, but he couldn't derive as much pleasure as he wanted. "B-but Nii-sama...", the teen said quietly. Seto raised his gaze at him, but didn't say anything, so Mokuba kept talking; there was shy tone in his voice. He really didn't want to say anything wrong, being afraid of another fight. "There's... There's som-something I-"

Until he ended the sentence, roll of thunder split the air, simultaneously with lightning that illuminated the sky. The noise was even louder than the previous ones, what made Mokuba hiss and clung to Kaiba. At the moment he was ashamed, but he wasn't capable of anything else, the fear was just stronger than him. Seto kissed his head, stroking his hair lazily. "There's no reason to be scared, you know?" he asked with his mouth near to his brother's ear, meaning more than only the thunderstorm.

The big, stormy eyes were staring at Seto. Mokuba clenched his hands on the fabric of black undershirt and shook his head. "There are a lot of things that scare me...", there was a distinct tremble in his voice. The teen felt the ambiguity in his brother's voice and he tried to sound ambigously too; Mokuba hoped the older sensed it.

"You worry too much", Kaiba said simply. He already knew in what direction the conversation was going, but he tried to avoid it, just hating so serious subjects going through his emotions. But even if Mokuba was aware of that fact, he wasn't going to make it easy for his Nii-sama.

"I won't worry, if you stop ignore me and my feelings...", the younger whispered with a little sadness in his tone, not looking at the older. It was hard for him too, he was afraid of Seto's reaction, altought from the other side pretending everything was well again sounded too ridiculous for him. They just had to have that talk to make the situation between them clear.

Kaiba sighed, nuzzling his face to Mokuba's hair. "I do not ignore you", he wasn't sure if the younger even believed him. "I just had to keep the distance between us", he said after short silence.

Mokuba didn't want to do it, but if he spent one more moment in his brother's arms, he wouldn't be able to think rationally. Seto's touch was too comforting, his closeness too soothing. The youger carefuly pushed himself away from the embrace and sat on the bed. "Why?" he asked with a reproach in his voice.

The thunderstorm got calm; now only raindrops were hitting the windows and when both brothers didn't say anything, it was the only audible noise. And at the moment there was a longer moment of silence; Seto was just staring at his little brother, biting his lower lip. Mokuba was fixing his eyes on his Nii-sama too, looking more and more impatiently because of lack of the answer. Eventually he repeated the question, adding quiet 'Nii-sama', what sounded like a soft moan.

"Come to me."

The order surprised Mokuba too much to oppose. He swallowed hard, then lay down again and Seto closed him in an embrace at once. With no words, he was cuddling the younger in the same position as one moment ago.

"Answer me...", Mokuba didn't understand his brother's behaviour. It was just strange, just not like his Nii-sama; Seto was always reserved with showing his emotions or being so tender. Besides even if it was hard, he never avoid answering. The younger Kaiba felt confused, but he wasn't about moving away any longer.

"To protect you... You already know what I'm talking about."

_Doesn't he really understand? Or he want me to say it aloud? It's so awkward, we shouldn't have this talk... I don't want to have it, just_-

"But why?" Mokuba asked an another question what interrupted Kaiba's thought. "I don't understand, Nii-sama... I want to be close to you, I need it as nothing else...", if not late hour and desperation, the raven-haired teen would never say it aloud. He was too afraid of possible response and his brohter's reaction, so he always prefered to stay quiet and not talk about his feeling toward Seto. But now it just bothered him too much to still keep it inside.

Kaiba closed his eyes. That conversation was getting too hard for him; too many emotions, too many feelings and too many attempting to being strong. "Mokuba...", he whispered his brother's name, what made the other lift his head a little to look at his Nii-sama. "Listen to me, right?" Seto started to stroke his brother's raven hair. He toyed with it lazily; always so simple actions helped him collect his thoughts. "Few years more and you will leave me", after Seto's words, Mokuba's eyes widened. He never thought about leaving his beloved Nii-sama, the idea sounded just ridiculous for him, but he didn't say anything, just listening to the older attentively. "You will settle down, you will have your own family and you will not need me anymore."

Silence fell after that sentece. Kaiba was still stroking his brother's body, altought now Mokuba felt nervousness in his movements. It wasn't comfortable situation for both brothers, but in a bit different ways; it was the first time when the older was talking aloud about his fears. From the other side, Mokuba was just shocked; he never wanted to live far away from Seto, but it wasn't everything what confused him. Since their patents' death, when they had beocme abandoned by the rest of their relatives, the Mokuba always felt that he had no family, but Seto. Gozaburo had never been the part of his family as well; he had been nothing more, but the only possible way to get a better life. Nii-sama, Nii-sama was his only family, his only love and he never wanted to change that fact. When he tried to imagine his life without his brother, there was nothing more, but sadness and emptiness in his mind. "Is it what you want...?" Mokuba whispered with audible anxiety in his voice.

Then he felt his brother's arms pulling him even closer. Seto didn't want the youger to look at him when he was near to cry and it was harder and harder to conceal, especially when his body started to tremble. It was the reason, why he didn't answer at once - beaking down and cry seemed for him too pathetic and weak. Mokuba sniffled softly and kissed the older's shoulder few times, as he requested a denial. But no matter how much he desired 'no' in a response, Kaiba's answer surprised him a lot. "It is something I'm afraid the most", Seto carefully clenched his fingers on his brother's T-shirt and hair, trying to make his voice stop shivering.

Mokuba's lips formed in silently 'Nii-sama' - a sign of his relief and pleasant; Seto's confess let him calm down. He stretched out his hand to touch the older's cheek, but Seto grabbed it and placed on his chest. Kaiba had turned his head purposely, when he had felt single teardrops in the corner of his eyes. But the teen didn't give up and lifted a little to look in his brother's blue eyes, the most beautiful eyes he ever seen. "So never let me go, Nii-sama...", Mokuba said quietly, stroking his brother's cheek by his thumb.

Kaiba glanced at the younger with a surprised look in his eyes. It wasn't something expected by him, but needed as hell. Seto sweeped some raven wisps, falling on the stormy eyes; their faces were perfectly one above the other_._ "I will not", Seto whispered, accentuated the last word. Mokuba closed his eyes and sighed, feeling his heart speeding up. He gave a small kiss on Seto's cheek and finally nuzzled his face to his brother's shoulder. "I will never let you go, Mokuba", Kaiba repeated and again closed his brother in an embrace, needing his closeness more and more.

For a longer moment they didn't say any word, just cuddling and caressing their bodies each other. Mokuba smiled to himself, feeling his brother's hands on his waist and in hair. He started to moving his fingers up and down Seto's arm, simultaneously his other arm was wrapped around the older's neck. It was a moment of comfort and peace they both needed and yearned for a long time. The last days gave them too much pain and there wasn't any other way to ease their minds as only in the other's arms.

When Seto felt Mokuba's hand on his own one, he interlaced their fingers together and put them on his chest. Mokuba found Seto's heartbiting a bit faster than usual, his chest was moving up and down heavy. But there wasn't anything strange; with so many emotions, the teen had the same. "My Nii-sama...", soft voice near to Kaiba's ear made Seto shiver little. He shifted his head to look at his brother, then he kissed his forehead.

Another kiss. Then another, and another, and another... The delicate skin, the soothing scent... He missed them so much; he missed Mokuba's touch, closeness, everything about him - he missed it the same as he yearned. He was kissing the cheeks, nose, chin, forehead, inch by inch of the prettiest face as he wanted to memorize every, even the smallest part. Eventually he could be so close to Mokuba, feel his skin, closeness... He needed Mokuba, not only yearned him, but needed. It was the first chance to feel real happiness in his whole life and he wasn't strong enough to resist the temptation any longer. There was too much suffer inside him, waiting to be soothed by the only one person.

"Nii-sama...", Mokuba seemed to be a little surprised by his brother's actions, but he was far away from objecting. It was more than he hoped for; the raven-haired didn't remember the latest time, when his Nii-sama gave him so much tenderness. In a moment he started to return the kisses, placing his free hand in Seto's dark hair and clenched his fingers in it, pulling the older's face closer to him.

Seto sighed deeply, when his mouth finally reached Mokuba's lips. The teen lifted himself to make it easier for his brother, but their hands were still interlaced on Kaiba's chest. For a longer moment they were just caressing their lips each other. It was so slowly, so innocent, they were afraid the fragile moment could break so easy. They need to get sure the kiss was something the other wanted. Eventually Seto licked his brother's lips, asking for an entrace. When Mokuba parted his mouth, their lips crushed together in such a passionate kiss. Not fast, but full of emotions - need, love, desperation. It was such an new experience for both brothers. New, but the best. Mokuba was returning every his Nii-sama's movemenet hungrily. His kisses felt like they touch more than the teen's lips, it touched every part of his body and spirit. It was like thousand words Seto couldn't say. His tounge brushed against Mokuba's and he deepened the kiss even more. Mokuba was growing breathless from way Kaiba kissed him, it was more he ever expected.

Quiet moan of dissatisfaction left the younger's mouth, when his Nii-sama moved away from him. But he closed him in a warm embrace without even the smallest space between them. They were cuddling each other again. Seto closed his eyes and nuzzled his face to his brother's soft hair, giving them some gentle kisses. Mokuba didn't wait for him saying anything. The way his brother kissed him and now was caressing him was enough.

"Stay with me tomorrow...", Mokuba whispered barely audible after long moment of silence. His lips were so close to his brother's neck; when he was speaking, his breath caress the other's skin gently. Kaiba just nodded in response. He would do everything for that little happiness in his arms, not going to Kaiba Corporation wasn't a big deal, especially when he desired more time with his brother. And if it had to look like that moment, he wanted it even more.

After a longer moment, when they were just lying together, relishing the other's closeness, Seto released his strong embrace slightly. He shifted a little to lying on his back in the most comfortable position for him. He had noticed Mokuba's yawn; the hour was already very late, the younger, in the contrast to his brother, wasn't used to stay awake for so long. "You should go to sleep, it's late", Kaiba kissed his brother's forehead, another kiss making Mokuba tremble slightly. The teen lowered and rested his head on his Nii-sama's chest; for him it was better than every pillow, especially when he felt Kaiba's heartbeating so clearly. He had no doubts, it was his favourite sound. Seto moved his hand through the younger's hair, stroking them once again; his other arm was wrapped around Mokuba's body carefully.

"Don't go anywhere until I wake up...", Mokuba whispered sleepily, then another yawn left his mouth. He didn't want to sleep yet, but fighting with need of getting some rest was meaningless; he couldn't even focus on Seto's touch, when had to force himself to not fall asleep. Finally Mokuba closed his eyes and gave his brother gently kiss on the chest through his cloth. "Sleep tight, Nii-sama... I love you so much."


	7. Mess

**At first, special thank-you for Iced Blood, who let me use the idea of Yagami as Kaiba brothers' real last name that I saw in his stories (this idea won't come in this chapter, but I put the information here just to let you know). I fell in love with that idea, because the surname reminds me of Raito/Light from 'Death Note', who, in my opinion, is very like Seto, including both appearance and character (altought it's not the reason, why Iced Blood called Mokuba and Seto that way).**

**Another big thanks for all wonderful reviews, I adore them!**

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><p><em>"Staring at the bottom of your glass<em>

_Hoping one day you'll make a dream last_

_But dreams come slow and they go so fast_

_You see him when you close your eyes_

_Maybe one day you'll understand why_

_Everything you touch surely dies"_

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><p>Seto couldn't fall asleep for a longer time. He had heard Mokuba peacefully going to sleep with his head on his Nii-sama's chest. He had heard the rain getting calm; at that moment only single raindrops from time to time hit the windows. Seto really liked that sound; every time he found the rain remarkably comforting and soothing, prefering it way too more than sunny days. It just went with personality, he always thought so. Now, closing the fragile body in his arms, he was staring over the window, bothered by too many thoughts to be able to sleep.<p>

There was no other noise, but their, especially Mokuba's, breaths. Kaiba noticed Mokuba was breathing very deeply, sometimes mumbling something incomprehensible. Then Seto stroked his younger brother's raven hair as he would've liked to calm him down. The silky hair cascaded down the pretty face, what made the expression on it even more innocent.

The night was Kaiba's the biggest dream, altought he had never hoped he could make it come true. And when he had finally done it, he was incapable of derive satisfation from that fact. Seto was overwhelmed by too many emotions; a mixture of anxiety and remorse became too hard to handle. The pleasure that had come with their kiss was too disturbing. He knew he should've never let it happen, but even then he was still thinking about his brother's touch and taste, soft lips that was kissing him with love and need. It was probably the best moment in his whole life, a moment he wanted to go on forever. But now it was over, and he had nothing more, but anger inside him. He couldn't forgive himself he had shown the weakness again; he couldn't name in any other way the situation, when he had done something so awful to be delighted for just one moment. He regretted, and didn't regret it at the same time.

"Nii-sama...", the soft whisper threw him off contemplation. Seto looked down at Mokuba, and realized that his brother was only murmuring in his sleep. Even if there was no light in the room except the illumination from the street, Kaiba could notice Mokuba's mouth was curving into a smile. He was sleeping so peacefully; Seto was a little jealous of that clamness, 'cause Mokuba seemed to totally not worry about their immoral action. Or maybe the older Kaiba was the one who worried too much... It was an hour, when he was ready to doubt in everything.

The teen started to move his hand through his Nii-sama's body as he was searching for something. Reaching for the younger's lively hand, Seto held it into an embrace, and placed their hands on his chest, near to Mokuba's head. The younger Kaiba repeated silently 'Nii-sama', clinging to his brother even closer. "Shhh..." Kaiba couldn't help, but moved his free hand through the raven, silky hair again, stroking it gently. "Sleep", he added in a moment, altought he knew Mokuba didn't hear him.

Seto sighed. It was one of the moments, when he felt his life really sucked. He couldn't be even satisfied for a longer moment without feeling guilty. But now it was supposed to be even harder to resist than at any time before; when he finally tasted the bliss, he didn't want to lose it. Kaiba knew Mokuba would've nevet told him to stop; Seto had had to be the responsible one, who should've never let them do such a stupid thing. _Stupid, but fucking pleasant _he thought to himself. And he wasn't even sure if he wanted to turn back from the way where their relationship started to lead. Besides, he had no idea how to do it.

Just end it or continue with all damned risk? Both options had pros and cons, both weren't good enough. The first would hurt Mokuba too badly; also Seto, but the older Kaiba was accustomed to feel pain all his life. Then again... Fucking incest. Fucking memories that didn't let him be too close to anyone, even to his brother; Kaiba found it unbelievable that the only possible person he was capable of love in _that _way was his brother. Moreover no matter how much he wanted to, he could never give Mokuba what the teen deserved. They couldn't go anywhere together as a couple; holding their hands, kissing, hugging. They couldn't even tell anyone about their relationship, it would be too risky. And they would never be the real family, with children and all that happy context. It wasn't a life he wished his beloved younger brother. But he didn't want to live without him as well. Kaiba was afraid they had to have a talking about that night later, but it was something what made him scared. He hated that sort of serious talking... even if he was the reason, why not he had to carry on that conversation.

_Never let me go. _Kaiba recalled his brother's... actually what? A request? A pleading? An order? Seto sighed deeply once again; because of Mokuba's extraordinary closeness, his heart was racing unnaturally quickly. He still couldn't believe, he had his whole happiness in his arms in definietly non-brotherly way. Playing lazily with the teen's silky hair, he felt like he was the most selfish and awful man in the world. _I love you so much. _Another Mokuba's statement, the most beautiful words he had ever heard, was making a mess in his mind.

_I will not leave you anymore, Mokuba _Seto swore in his mind. It was way too easier than saying it out loud. He just hated to express his feelings and emotions by words, honestly – express at all, but with words it was even harder. He prefered just pull Mokuba closer to himself and caress his skinny body with so much love in his every motion. _I've got no idea how it is supposed to work, but I need you. I need you as hell... If I started to keep a distance between us again, it would destroy both of us, wouldn't it?_

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><p>Mokuba sat up on the bed; he only just woke up, but he felt the nervousness inside him, and he was totally sure what caused it. There wasn't Seto in the bedroom; Mokuba was afraid not only in the bedroom. "Nii-sama...", he whispered silently. He already had misgivings, nonetheless he decided to check if his brother was in any other room in the home. Mokuba refused to accept the fact that Seto could just go out, and leave him alone. It was just... impossible, not after the night. The teen really believed so.<p>

Mokuba got out of the bed, and headed the wardrobe; at first he needed to get dressed. After the storm it got too cool, and he had cold. Honestly he didn't feel quite well. Headache tormented him and he already coughed few times, but the teen didn't care of his condition; he had something more important on his head. Putting on his jeans, he also swapped his T-shirt for a loose, black sweatshirt. He hoped to look maybe just a little better than he was feeling.

When he was done with dressing, Mokuba went downstairs. In the middle of the way, a noise of a hoover reached his ears. He sighed; it definietly wasn't the person he was searching. "Where is Nii-sama?" he asked the dark-haired woman who was vacuuming in the hallway, but he didn't get the reponse at once. She turned to face him, then switched off the machine.

"Could you repeat?" Kasumi, young woman who they hired about one year ago, asked nicely and gave him a slight smile as she had in a habit.

The teen covered his mouth by one hand, coughing. "I was asking about Nii-sama. Where is he?" Mokuba asked again, forcing his voice to stop shivering. Unnecessary question wasn't something he was in the mood of.

"He went out, when I came. Unexpectedly late, huh? Seto-sama always goes to work so early..." Mokuba nodded with a sigh. He liked the girl; she was definietly his favourite one from their few maids. They often talk, when she come to clean, and Mokuba found her company very likable. Nonetheless at that moment conversation was the last thing he fancied.

"Thanks", the teen forced himself to curve his lips into a smile. "I'm going back to my room, I don't feel quite well", he added, shrugging. The words were half-true; Mokuba just wanted to be alone with his sadness that he felt realizing Seto had left him in fact. He didn't even give the maid a chance to answer, nearly running upstairs.

_I can't believe he just ignored what I had almost begged him for... I was sure now everything would turn on to be alright again... even better than alright. Is he toying with me? Damn, it was too wonderful to be real. Fuck, Nii-sama, why are you doing that... It doesn't sound like you, but– _

_Wait, what is it?_

Mokuba, stepping it into his bedroom, noticed a strange stuff on his desk. A sheet of papers exactly, but even if he wasn't a fan of cleanliness, he would remember, if he used a stationery. The teen came closer; his heartbeating speeded up, when he realized the stationery was filled by characteristic slanting, caligraphic handwritting. With no doubts, Mokuba knew only one person, who wrote in that style. He grabbed the sheet hastily, his eyes running thorugh the text.

_Mokuba,_

_I am sorry, but I must break my promise._

_They called for me from Kaiba Corporation; those idiots cannot do anything on their own._

_When I do what is needed, I will be right back._

_One more thing; a lots happened recently, but I still remember how poorly you looked, when you went back from the school last time._

_I am not going to just leave that problem, we are going to talk about it later._

_Besides, I am not taking my words back; you do not have to go there, if it is not comfortable to you._

_Your welfare and comfort are the most important, remember about it._

His mouth shaped into silently 'Nii-sama'. He read the letter over and over, and in a moment he nearly learnt it by heart. But Mokuba just couldn't stop straying through the text another times. Seto's words were so... soothing. One moment ago he was trembling with a sorrow of being rejected, and now... no matter his Nii-sama wasn't able to stay at home all day long. Seto cared of him, it was so obvious, especially because of the last sentece. Mokuba didn't need anything else. He sat down on his bed, pulling his knees to his chin. He was still holding the letter, though he didn't read it again anymore. Instead of that, Mokuba sniffled and closed his eyes.

Seto's scent was still wafting in the air. It reminded the younger Kaiba of their shared night, and made him feel his brother's lips at his once again. It was the greatest flavor he ever tasted, and he all the time wanted more.

On the other hand... Mokuba sighed, lying down and burying his face into a pillow. It wasn't a proper kind of love, he was aware of it. He should've never fallen in love with his brother. But Mokuba wasn't even sure whether he would like to control it if he was capable of. Seto was perfect to him. Always. He had every feature that the younger Kaiba found valuable. And, what was the most important, his Nii-sama took care of him, and protected him with his best all his life.

Who told the non-brotherly love between brothers couldn't exist? It wasn't anything wrong, if they didn't hurt anyone. And he just wanted to be happy, happy with his brother. Mokuba wanted Seto to be by his side so badly. To kiss him again and dispel his fears and doubts. When his Nii-sama was with him, nothing wrong could happen. Their shared night, the kiss and now the letter made Mokuba adore the older again; he was back with his normal self, for whom Seto was ideal. He was to be near to that ideal, and if his brother couldn't stay at home, the teen, screwing the fact he was feeling really poorly, decided to visit him in the KaibaCorp.

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><p>The door was already closed. Seto had had to go somewhere, but it wasn't a problem for the teen, who, as the one and only, was allowed to have a spare key to the CEO's office. Mokuba opened the door, after which he stepped in. He wasn't in the office for a longer time, probably it was about one month or even more. Because of not clear situation between brothers, Mokuba was avoidig the building of Kaiba Corporation. But, he admitted to himself, he missed it. Seto's office was... just like Seto. Orderly, furnished in the minimalist style, and full of the scent Mokuba loved so much. No wonder since his Nii-sama spent there most part of his every day.<p>

Mokuba headed the desk, and sat in Kaiba's comfortable chair. He always liked to spin in it, nonetheless he found himself not in the mood of that. The headache that bothered him increased, and all Mokuba wanted was only Seto back by his side to bury himself in his body. Nii-sama's closeness, touch... Mokuba closed his eyes, and rested his cheek against the top of the desk. Half-lying in that position, he didn't feel fully-comforted, but it was comfortable enough to stay like that for longer, especially when he had no force to do anything else. His only action limited to opening eyes after some long minutes, when he was only listening for any noise behind the door that would portend Seto's coming back.

Some sheets of paper were laying near to his nose. He reached for them just for passing the time; besides he always willingly helped Seto, and he was quite good with that. Not as good as his Nii-sama, but Kaiba often praised him for his work what for Mokuba meant the most. He was always ready to do everything what was needed to make his beloved older brother feel satisfied.

Not changing his position, the teen started to look the sheets round. There were lots of plans, schematic graphincs, but nothing concrete. It was hardly surprising, 'cause Seto was accustomed to use for working most of all only his computer. But the general notes were enough for the smart teen to realize, what was the subject of his brother's work. It was something he didn't expect; he was always sure that it what had happened about two years ago was too much for Seto to still go on with the idea of virtual world. Honestly it was something he had just assumed, because his brother never had talked about it, so maybe he should've not been so surprised...

He wanted to rebuild that, and change many things to improve that, right? It was everything he concluded from notes. There were also some dates... Not many, but he had had to start over one year ago.

Mokuba had no idea, why Seto hadn't asked him for help. Was it supposed to be a surprise? Or he wanted to do it on his own? No matter what guess was correct, there was no Nii-sama to found out the right answer. And he could do it later... When Nii-sama would be back.

Closing his eyes again, Mokuba put the sheets of paper aside. Suddenly, he felt even more ache in his head, back and legs as well.

_Nii-sama won't be happy, when he will see me..._

The teen coughed; he was too tired to do anything else but lying like that, so maybe taking a nap till Seto would be back wasn't a bad idea... In a moment he fell asleep. His peaceful breath was interrupted from time to time, and Mokuba was coughing in his sleep, but it didn't wake him up. The sound of opening door did it, and Mokuba smiled mentally, 'cause he knew only one person could come.

"Mokuba?" a surprised tone vibrated in Seto's voice as he stepped in into the office. He closed the door behind him, then he headed towards his brother.

The noise made the teen open his eyes. Not fully-awoken, Mokuba blinked a few times; raising his head, he noticed the older who was looking at him with a worry in his sapphire eyes. "Nii-sama...", he mumbled quietly. "I was waiting for you..." he tried to smile, but only jawn, then cough left his lips.

Seto sighed, crossing his arms on his chest. "I see." He sat down on the corner on his desk, still staring at the younger, not sure about his condition. The blue eyes widened, when Mokuba lowered himself again, and nuzzled his cheek to Kaiba's tigh, closing his eyes. Seto found it awkward, and had no idea how to react. On the one hand his fingers desired go through the raven hair and again feel how silky it was, but it definietly wasn't a proper place for that sort of things. Kaiba was just watching his brother, confused by his behaviour.

"I have no idea, why you hadn't told me about it...", Mokuba said quietly, what at first Kaiba found as just pointless patter caused by oversleeping. But in a moment he narrowed his blue eyes, bitting his bottom lip. Seto noticed the sheets of paper his brother was holding in one of his hands and the other ones which were scattered on the desk. A shiver went down his spine. He just hated, when someone touched his stuffs; it didn't have to be a kind of secret or something like that, Kaiba was just obsessed about privacy. Seto forced himself to not be angry at his little brother, especially because something was wrong with him. Afraid of saying too much, he just stayed in silence, motionless.

"Nii-sama", Kaiba clenched his fingers on the edge of the desk, when Mokuba shifted a little to slid himself deeper onto the older's lap. "Why haven't you told me you want to rebulid the virtual world? I could do that... I would do everything to help you... always... with everything." They both knew he didn't mean only work. The teen turned again; that time he rested the back of his head against Seto just to look into his eyes.

Mokuba got no answer. It wasn't something Kaiba could explain out loud; he knew Mokuba would do everything for him and dealing with some technologic issues wasn't a big deal for the teen, who helped him already lots of times. It was a kind of shame for Seto. Admitting that he wasn't strong enough to finally give up with the idea of virtual world, equaled saying that he was still very weak and pathetic, and the world he could create whatever he only wanted to was his only springboard to the paniful reality. The idea had come to his mind after a few months in Gozaburo's home. The unbearable tiredness, being horribly alone with his pain, and, the most awful spot on the list, being abused in probably every possible way took root in his mind that he hadn't matched anywhere. Seto hated people and world around him; escaping to the virtual reality had seemed so inviting, especially because it was something he could create from beggining to end. It was his own idea. Something he invited on his own, but later it become another thing Gozaburo took away from him, after his childhood, self-esteem and any chance to be happy. This one would be too much. Running away from painful memories, escaping to the virtuality seemed like something only for pathetic people who weren't strong enough to face up their lives, no matter how much painful. Mokuba looking at his Nii-sama as at someone weak was the last thing Seto wanted.

Kaiba shrugged, turning his gaze from his brother, and fixed his eyes on a window. "You fell asleep on my desk", Seto said slowly. Changing the subject wasn't the only reason, why he mentioned it; he was just worrying of his little brother, seeing him not quite well. "Are you feeling ill?" Mokuba parted his mouth to answer, but his brother didn't give him any chance to say anything. Kaiba sweeped some raven wisps falling down on the teen's forehead and placed his hand on in. Feeling a warm skin under his fingertips, Seto hissed. "You are", he lowered his voice, replying instead of the other.

The teen shook his head. Coughing, he raised himself, and Seto found a little relief in fact that his brother wasn't pressing his lap any longer, though his Mokuba's condition still worried him. "I'm okay, Nii-sama", the younger forced himself to smile slightly. "Maybe I'm just tired..."

"It's the reason why your forehead is hot as hell, and your eyes are shining?" Kaiba asked rethorically. He stood up and offered his brother a hand to help him stand up as well. It was hard to admit for Mokuba, but he would have problem with that simple action if not his Nii-sama's help. He squeezed Seto's fingers, and slowly pushed himself to a standing position. "I'm taking you home." Even if Seto didn't sound too tender, Mokuba was moved by his concern. Feeling bad had one, very imporant and pleasant merit – it included Seto taking care of him.

"Don't you have to work?" Mokuba asked tentatively, and sighed mentally with a sadness, when Seto released his hand. His touch was very comforting.

"Never doubt what's more important to me", the teen's stormy eyes widened; that sounded really seriously, even though Seto said it not looking at him. Kaiba put on his white coat, then headed the door. He waited until Mokuba followed him to lock the door behind them.

They used the elevator to get to the ground floor. Mokuba leaned his back against the wall, and, once again, coughed. Seto tried to hide it, but he hissed with discontent every time his brother did it. "It's strange...", Mokuba nearly whispered, with one hand still on his mouth. "Yesterday I was totally fine..."

Kaiba crossed his arms. "So now it's more than just tiredeness?" he bitingly asked in a response; little annoyance played inside him since Mokuba had bothered himself with getting to Kaiba Corporation instead just staying in bed, if he wasn't well. He couldn't understand that sort of such an irresponsible actions.

When the elevator reached the destination, Seto got out as first. Mokuba followed him, then turned to head the way out, but Seto's voice forced him to stop, "Wait a moment." The teen wanted to ask why, but before he even opened his mouth, Kaiba left him, and went to one of his employees that was standing across the vast hall, talking to any other person. Mokuba recognized her as his brother's secretary, not working there for a long time yet. He came up a little, watching them from a distant, but he still wasn't able to hear every word, just single ones reached his ears – 'leaving', 'but', 'meeting', 'cancel', 'order'; Mokuba didn't need more, he already knew what the conversation was about, and it gladdened him more than should've. And, the teen didn't care whether it was strange, in his opinion growling at people made his Nii-sama even more masculine and attractive.

"Thank you", Mokuba said with a grin, when Seto came back to him. When they were walking towards their car, the younger Kaiba all the time few steps behind the other, the teen was attentively watching his brother. Unimaginable, how many Seto's features just made Mokuba lose his mind. He couldn't take his eyes off the slowly, majestatic gait; he loved totally everything in his Nii-sama, and after last night that feeling only heightened.

When they finally got into the car, Mokuba based his feet on the seat. Seto rolled his eyes, but didn't comment; even if he was crazy about cleanliness, he always turned a blind eye to more than usual when Mokuba was ill.

"Do you want to listen to something?" Kaiba asked, seeing out of the corner to his eye than Mokuba reached for his cd albums.

The teen shook his head, still looking the albums round. "I'm just checking your recent mood." Seto rolled his eyes again; Mokuba knew him too well. "After listening to any album, you always put in on the left", he explained, altought Kaiba already knew what was the point.

"I know", he said simply. "But I'm not sure if you really want to check my recent mood", he added, before he bit his tongue. They both knew too well what it was about.

Mokuba sniffled, and hung his head. "I'm sorry, I–"

"Don't", Kaiba interrupted him quickly; starting that conversation again was damn pointless. "Turn on whatever you like", he added, when he realized his first statement sounded too cool, and to just change the subject. With no reply said out loud, silence fell between them, and only soft soud of shuffled albums was audible. Finally Mokuba chose one of them, and in a moment _How to save a life _by the Fray rang out in the ferrari. The teen skipped a few songs to the one with the same title as the album. Mokuba burried his head between his legs, coughed from time to time.

When Seto stopped the car at the traffic lights, he reached his hand for Mokuba's forehead to check if the fever changed. "Damn, Mokuba...", Kaiba cursed under his breath; it was still too warm. "You should've not gone anywhere, if you didn't feel well."

"I just wanted to see you...", Mokuba moaned, burrying his head again, but that position became uncomfortable very quickly, so the teen leaned his cheeck against the chilly window.

"Do not be riddiculous. I left you a note that I'll be back as fast as possible." Seto would've never admitted that he also wanted to see Mokuba; it equaled saying that the younger was right, and coming to the Kaiba Corporation in his poor condition was something more than just such a irresponsible behaviour.

Mokuba sighed deeply, "Yup... It was very cute, Nii-sama." Kaiba narrowed his sapphire eyes, and bit his bottom lip. He was cute? He never thought about himself as a cute person, including all his actions. Seto parted his mouth to reply, but his brother kept talking. "Especially because when I woke up, I didn't notice your letter at once... and I was very scared you'd left me."

"I didn't mean to be cute. I just needed to inform you, and it was the best way." Answering, Kaiba ignored the part of Mokuba's utterance that moved him the most. It wasn't pleasant to hear that Mokuba had thought that his brother could just leave him after that night, but he realized the teen had a right to do it after all Seto's keeping-on-distance actions.

Involuntarily Mokuba's lips formed into a smile. "You're so cute, when you try to convince me that you're not", he laughed for a short time, then another cough left his lips.

Normally it would piss Kaiba off, if anyone talked to him like Mokuba was doing now, but there was something in his brother's mocking what made an annoyance in Seto's voice fake. "Don't make yourself being in trouble, when you have to spend the rest of the day with me." Unexpectedly he found their brotherly teasing very enjoyable. It was something they both needed after some hard days, when the atmosphere between them was unbearable.

"Trouble, huh? Are you going to punish me for saying the true about you being cute?"

Mokuba couldn't know what effect his words would produce. Too many memories Seto would've never wanted to remember came to his mind, bothering him awfully. It was only one word, but associations were too hard to endure. Kaiba froze, harder clenching his hands on the steering wheel. "No", he nearly whispered, forcing his voice to not shiver. "Never anything like that." Focusing on driving, he was pretending to not see the stormy eyes that widened, wondering why Nii-sama's behaviour changed so suddenly.


	8. Fragmented with the past

_"How can you see into my eyes like open doors_

_Leading you down into my core_

_Where I've become so numb without a soul_

_My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold_

_Until you find it there and lead it back home_

_Wake me up, wake me up inside_

_Call my name and save me from the dark_

_Bid my blood to run before I come undone_

_Save me from the nothing I've become"_

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><p>Seto was standing beside Mokuba's bed, his arms crossed on his chest. The sapphire eyes were watching the teen carefully, while he was swallowing two pills that his Nii-sama had brought him. It was hard for Seto to hide the worry from his eyes since he had seen how bad his brother had beed feeling. After returning home, the older Kaiba at once had ordered the other to go the bed, and Mokuba had followed it without complaining. He had changed his loose sweatshirt for oversized red T-shirt, and took off his pants. When he finally had lain down in his bed, Seto had wrapped him with a warm quilt and two extra coverlets. Even if the teen's eyes were still shining because of the high fever, he couldn't be too upset; being ill equaled being all the time in Nii-sama's care.<p>

"It's really tasty", Mokuba looked up at Seto from the edge of the big blue mug. He took another mouthful of hot tea with a slice of a lemon and some raspberry jelly, after which he put it aside, and returned his gaze at the older. "I don't remember last time, when you prepared something for me."

"Mhm", quiet mutter left Kaiba's lips. "It's not a big deal." Seto sounded like his normal self; monotonously and emotionlessly, but inside he was glad that there wasn't any reproach in his brother voice. He already rebuked himself enough times for not caring about Mokuba in the proper way recently. Seto bent down to sweep the raven bangs away, then he put his hand on the sweaty forehead, checking if the fever was already even only a little lower.

The teen rasied his eyebrows slightly, "Are you conscious that doing it every five minutes won't make it faster? But, you know, of course I don't mind...", Mokuba added quickly the second sentence; he didn't want Seto to think that he didn't like him being overprotective.

Kaiba didn't answer, but straightened up, and crossed his arms again. "In a moment medicines will work, and you will feel better." Mokuba nodded in a response, and reached for the mug. "I hope you are aware, if you aren't well tomorrow, I'll take you to a doctor." The statement made the teen whimp discontently, but he knew that protest would've been pointless. When it went to his health, Seto was even more relentless than usually. "And now go to sleep, you need rest." Seto turned around to go out, but then relonged 'Nii-sama' brought him to a stop.

Mokuba got an interrogative look from his brother, nonetheless he didn't answet at once. He took a few gulps, holding the mug in his hands; it was warming them up. "What are you going to do?" he asked after a short while of silence. "Leave it, and stay with me..."

"Mokuba...", there was a tune of impatience in Seto's voice. "I still have some work needed to be done diligently." When was the last time, when he didn't work all day long? It was so obvious that he didn't undestand the point of asking what he was going to do. The teen sniffled sadly, previously pulling his knees up to his chin. The expression of obvious dissapointment came to his face; he really wanted to spend more time with his beloved older brother. No matter if he would've been sleeping, he just wanted to have Seto around. Kaiba sighed deeply; in spite of all looking at discontent Mokuba was just unbearable for him, something hard to stand. So when he spoke again, there was no annoyance in his voice any longer. "It is sensless if you want me to stay here to just watch your sleep", _yeah, 'cause it wasn't something I was doing for almost all last night, was it? _"Just come to me, when you wake up, alright?"

Maybe it wasn't what he had expected, but finally Mokuba agreed to the compromise. "Alright, Nii-sama... But then will you have a time for me?"

"I will", Seto didn't like to repeat, but for his younger sibling he always had additional deposit of understanding.

"And will you embrace me?"

That question surprised Seto, what was visible in his blue eyes which widened with an astonishment. Mokuba never asked for that sort of thing; when he wanted to be hugged, he just came to his Nii-sama, wrapping his arms around the thin waist, and clinging to Seto with all his force. _Does he think that anything has changed? _Seto wasn't going to say it out loud, the same as ihe wasn't going to answer. "Go to sleep", involuntary, typical for the older Kaiba note of the irritation played in his voice.

A sigh of dissatisfaction escaped from Mokuba's mouth, and he rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay...", he mumbled,forcing himself to not say anything that could make his brother more testy. With two another mouthfuls, Mokuba finished his tea, and put the empty mug away on the nightstand. He curled up cosily, wrapping himself by thick layer of covers; now Seto could see only the top of the raven head. Kaiba headed the way out, but he stopped in the doorway. He turned around for a moment, just to take a look at the small form in the bed. Mokuba's body was moving up and down slightly under the deep breath. No matter what he had been talking before, he really wanted to join his younger brother, it was next time, when he needed and desired it desperately. But he had to learn how to resist the temptation.

When Seto reached his bedroom, at first he took off his sleeveless white coat, and hung up into a wardrobe amongst the others, not used so often. Recently, when he spent even more time working, he was not only tired, but exhausted. Sometimes he got the impression that years ago his life had turned into a roller coaster; racing with the fastest speed, impossible to stop, because it would've caused a disaster. Sometimes he felt that all his life was leading to just a distaster. Those thoughts were too obnoxious, and Kaiba tried to throw them out of his head every time they started to bother him. Focusing on them was senseless, especially when he couldn't change the state of affairs anyway.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Seto crossed his legs, whereupon he pulled his cell phone out of the pocket of his black pants. Thanks to his extraordinary technological skills, he had been able to create and implement not only a phone, but also an original operating system, compatibile with the systems of Kaiba Corporation which let him have access to them 24/7. Since he had invented it, his cell phone became one of his two main tools. Usually he used it as a remote when his laptop wasn't around, or separately for less complicated work, altought it didn't mean easy ones. Kaiba looked through the things needed to be done, and a sigh full of resignation left his mouth.

* * *

><p>Mokuba had woken up a few times until he finally opened his eyes. Every time he just had shifted a little, lying on his stomach, or sideways, and had fallen into a deep sleep again. He needed it much more than he had supposed. Not only because while he had been sleeping, his fever lowered to a tolerable degrees, and a sore that bothered his almost every muscle disappeared; when he woke up in the evening, a strange, in such a pleasantly way, peace filled him from inside, making him contented. He brushed away some wet wisps from his eyes, and eyed up whole bedroom. Taking a nap during the daytime, always gave him some problems with determine what time was it, and what was going around later. The teen didn't wait for being fully awoken, but drew back the pile of covers, that now warmed him too much, and got out of the bed.<p>

When he was just few meters from his brother's bedroom, an odd melody reached his ears. Melancholic tunes of chime-like keys and mesmerizing bells were beautiful, but disturbing and creepy at the same time. Also creepy was the fact that Seto was listening something like that. Mokuba was accustomed that his Nii-sama always chose songs which fitted to his mood. Being glad, the younger Kaiba doubted whether the other would've listened that sort of music. The teen opened the door quietly, then stepped in. Hearing it, Seto raised his head, to look towards the door. Mokuba realized that he had to sleep as well; his hair was in a little mess, falling down at blue eyes, and he looked quite sleepy. "What's that?" the teen asked, closing the door behind him.

"What's what?" Seto's hand went through his dark hair, combing them by fingers. Mokuba forced himself to not say aloud, how cute his Nii-sama looked at that moment.

"That melody", Mokuba pointed the direction where from the sound was coming.

Kaiba didn't answer at once. With his typical slolwy gait, he went towards Mokuba, and placed his hand on the teen's forehead. "It is the main theme from _The Elephant Man_. Recently I've recorded an album with my favourite soundtracks", he explained emotionlessly, checking the fever. Seto scrutinized his little brother as he was looking for any sign that something was wrong, but luckily Mokuba seemed to feel much better than a few hours ago. "You are feeling better, aren't u?" a relief played in Kaiba's voice.

"Much better." Even if Seto was as cool as usual, the teen was still very glad with his brother's care. "I don't recognize it... Have we watched it?"

"You haven't." When they started to keep two subjects simultaneously, each brother seemed to be more interested in a different one. Seto looked down at Mokuba's wet cloth. "I see... The fever has already fallen. But change your T-shirt, it's all swaety."

Mokuba nodded in a response, but he gave his brother a pleading gaze. "Could you let me one of yours? I don't want to go to my bedroom, then again here...", his lips curved into a smile, when Seto headed the wardrobe without objecting. Normally he would haven't let his little brother be so lazy, but when Mokuba was ill, his Nii-sama was always more understanding for him. "Why?" there was a tune of curious in the younger Kaiba's voice. "I was sure we always watch movies together."

In fact, Seto never had much time for different activites than ones having something in common with dueling, or Kaiba Corporation. But when finally had a day off, or even some hours, he always spent them at home with his beloved brother, and watching films was one of their favourite way of spending time together. Besides, Kaiba also liked to read, though he did it usually when Mokuba was already asleep. For someone as overworked as he was, Seto got the impression that he is exceedingly well-read, especially when he compared himself to the others. "Not when they are not for someone at your age", Seto answered, scrabbling his clothers around for something suitable. T-shirt wasn't an important part of his clothes, and even if they were tight, the older Kaiba was taller than the other, besides a little muscular, in contrast to Mokuba who was just skinny. It made Seto's clothes be not a quite good fit, but definitely too loose.

Raising his eyebrows, Mokuba forced himself to not laugh. "Not someone at my age, huh?" he grabbed a T-shirt Seto tossed him. "Are you aware how ambigouosly it sounds, Nii-sama?" the teen asked with a smirk, simultaneously taking off his sweat item of clothing.

Seto hissed with an annoyance; for him it wasn't funny at all. He didn't like that undertone, nonetheless it was so pleasant to look at his younger brother grinning. As pleasent as it was the view of Mokuba's bare chest. Kaiba didn't remember the last time, when he'd seen it uncovered. Without any doubts even if lately the teen's character didn't change a lot, his body became more masculine what Seto found very inviting. From time to time he felt a repulsion to himself for looking at his brother in that disturbing way, but it wasn't something he could deal with. Kaiba forced himself to turned around, whereupon he headed the huge bed and sat down on the edge of it. He ran away with his sight which he placed behind a window, where the sun already almost all disappeared from the horizon. "I watched it two years ago", he finally decided to answer the question, even if both of them sounded rhetorically. "It is sad as hell, and includes too much heavy content to be proper for you then."

Seto didn't realize, when Mokuba had come so closer, but when the teen spoke again, he was standing in front of his Nii-sama. "So now could we watch it together? I really, really want to spend more time with you, Nii-sama...". Kaiba couldn't focus on his brother's words, when Mokuba was still half-naked. He had no idea whether the teen was doing it on purpose, but watching him like that was as a kind of a torture... torture wonderful in such a destroying way.

"Dress up." Hearing the quit order, Mokuba couldn't help, but followed it without complaining, even if he rolled his eyes with discontent. He put on the black T-shirt, and until Seto could react, slid down onto the bed. Kaiba wasn't about to oppose; he knew it had been supposed to end that way from the beggining. He was glad that even if Mokuba didn't feel quite well, such a happy mood didn't leave him, and it was obvious that the last night was the reason of it. So when he heard quietly, full of confusion 'Nii-sama', surprised Kaiba turned his head to look at Mokuba, and ask what was wrong, but then he found out, what was the reason of that sudden change in his voice.

Mokuba wasn't laying any longer, but pushed himself to a sitting position, pulling his knees a little up. His big stormy eyes got widen, bottom lip was trembling. There was a reason of his quivering in his hands, a photo he had noticed near to a pillow, and now was squeezing in his shivering fingers. The rest of photographies were laying around, but only the empty side of them was visible. Mokuba didn't have to turn them over, he already knew, what they presented. All of them were brothers' family photographies, the only ones the teen had even seen, and the only, if Seto didn't hide anything else, reminders of their parents. After all years while the picture of his mom and dad blurred into Mokuba's mind, he could finally recall their appearance. But he had no idea, why they were just laying on his brother's bed, and why he had never seen them before. He also had no idea, how to feel about it. "Why..." Mokuba tried to stop the uncontrolled tremble in his voice, but it was too hard. "Why have you never shown me them before? Damn, Nii-sama! What's that supposed to mean?" for a moment he was staring at his brother, waiting for an answer, but when he didn't get it, Mokuba looked down at the photo again. A woman who was looking at him from the photography was smiling slightly. She had very long raven hair and big sapphire eyes that Mokuba already knew very well. He sighed, moving his sight to a man sitting next to his mother. His hair had the same colour as Seto's, but their cut was short. He seemed to be a few years older than his wife. A sigh left the teen's mouth, when he looked at the third and the last person in the photo. A baby, not older than just one year, was held by his father. Mokuba couldn't believe that he was seeing his younger version; it stirred up such different emotions in him.

It was always the view that made Seto break up inside. The reproach in his brother's voice, the sorrow on his face... Kaiba could endure really much, probably more than most of the people, but looking at Mokuba like that was just too much. The expression of hurt on his face was something he never wanted to see. That was too hard, especially when even one day didn't pass since they had reconciled after some heavy days. He wanted to fix the situation until it didn't get worse yet, but he was aware that telling the truth would've not helped. "It is... it was supposed to be your birthday gift", he admitted sincerely. Haning his head, his both hands moved through the dark hair.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Mokuba nearly shouted, but when he noticed that Seto froze after his words, he realized it was too much. "I can't understand how you could hide them from me...", Mokuba's voice calmed down a little, but he was still angry at his older sibling. Kaiba never wanted to hear Mokuba speaking with him like that. Not because shouting at him by his brother wounded his pride, but it hurt in unbearable, destroying way. No matter how many awful things Seto already experienced, the pain caused by Mokuba was the worst. With no idea what to say, he decided to keep silence, but then came another scream. "Nii-sama!", the tone of irritation filled the teen's voice, because next time he was feeling as Seto was ignoring him.

"It's not like that... It was not a hiding" soft, quiet voice of his Nii-sama made Mokuba get a little calm; the sound of his words was disturbing in a hard to describe way. "Don't you remember how sad you always were in the orphanage? How much you wanted to be back at home? How you were crying into my shoulder that you wanted to come back to our parents? I still remember it very well, and I never wanted to give you more suffering. Those photographies would bring the feelings, and there is no other feeling than only pain they could cause." Mokuba couldn't be any longer angry at Seto. After his words he realized that his brother was the only important person in his life, the only one he loved, and was loved by. He didn't want to have a fight with him anymore, honeslty his Nii-sama's words made him want just to hug him. Mokuba pulled the photo out of his hands; it fell down onto a cover. The teen made a move towards his brother, and wanted to say something, but then Seto opened his mouth again. "All your life I just wanted to protect you. But now... You aren't a child anymore, are you? So I wanted to give them to you, I believed would a good time to do it."

"You are right, Nii-sama", Mokuba placed his hand on his brother's shoulder as he wanted to say by that action that everything was alright again. Seto stirred from the unexpected touch, but he didn't get his body out of the teen's reach. "I'm not a child anymore. And you've got such an odd definition of protection, you know?" Kaiba turned to face his brother; he saw a slight smile on Mokuba's face, but he couldn't force himself to return is. Instead of it, he nodded in response. They both knew how overprotective he could be, but they also knew what was the reason of that. "Could I get my birthday gift now?" Mokuba asked, now waiting for an answer for his earlier statement. "I would love to watch them together..."

"Of course", Seto could never refuse. He get onto a bed, and settled himself in a half-sitting poisition, leaning his back agasit the headrest. He could expect that the fragile, skinny body in a moment would be by his side. Mokuba sat down between his Nii-sama's legs, resting his back against his chest. Seto's black turtleneck was very warm and comfortable, and Mokuba nuzzled his cheek to a soft fabric. The teen mumbled something which Seto couldn't recognize well, but it sounded similiar to 'the best'. That sort of closeness wasn't quite comfortble for the older Kaiba, though he didn't have heart to reject him, and just pull away. Once again Seto touched Mokuba's forehead to check whether his brother's had a fever; he hissed, feeling that it started to grow. He reached for a white, warm blanket, and wrapped it around the other. Kaiba grabbed the rest of the photographies that were scattered near to the pillow. There weren't many of them, just a few, but they meant really much for him, and every time he viewed them it caused very heavy emotions. "Do you recognize?" the quiet whisper next to Mokuba's ear, the photo which Seto showed him – it made the teen sigh deeply. There was a newborn in the photograph; little baby covered by some white sheets that only small part of face and raven hair were visible. He looked very peaceful, but his face was a little red, probably because of earlier cry. "It's your first photo", Kaiba explained with a tender in his voice he never wanted to be there, but it wasn't something depened upon him. "Dad took it, when they finally could take you from an incubator." When Mokuba was staring at his younger version, Seto started to look for another photo. "Look... There's also it." Kaiba gave him the photograph. The same raven-haired baby was in it, but now he was held by the young woman who Mokuba had seen just one moment ago. She seemed to be tired, shehad cirles under her eyes and sunken cheeks, but there was a glint of happiness in her blue eyes. "I've told you that you were born almost two months ago, do you remember? Then I didn't understand much, but now I know, how hard time it was for them."

Mokuba noddes slowly, couldn't take his eyes off his mother. "I see...", he said barely audible. "But she was still very beautiful." There was a sound of the sadness in his voice; he never wanted to be a reason of worry to anyone. He realized that the melody had changed; now it was the lullaby from _The Pan's Labyrinth. _The music and the film he knew, and adored, but it was another melancholic sound.

"Damn right...", Seto carefully took the photographies from Mokuba's hands, and replaced them with another one. That time it was photo of their parents only. It was seemed to be older, black and white, a little creased; because of that it was hard to see every detail. "You are very similiar to her. The older you are, the better it's visible." Mokuba never had a perfect sight; in the room that was getting dark, with such fuzzy photography, it was hard for him to take a closer look. Seto noticed his brother's narrowed eyes, and forced himself to not smile slightly. "You both have the same delicate beauty, the shape of small nose and mouth. Of eyes as well, just with different colours."

It was much easier to see, when Seto was explaining everything. "So... If I am looking like mom, you look like dad?" It was obvious for him that if he was like one parent, Seto was similar to the other, especially with the same colour of hair.

"No. It means... I don't know." Seto shook his head what surprised Mokuba. Seeing the intrugued look in his brother's eyes, Kaiba answered for unasked question before the younger even parted his lips. "I always thought that I've got bit by bit from both parents. Maybe I can't see lots of resemblance to dad, because of his very short hair and facial hair, but he still has really heavy features..." Seto broke off, and shrugged. There wasn't any sense for him in going on with the subject. He took the photo from his little brother's hands, and put it away onto a pile of photographies they had viewed already.

"Nii-sama?" Mokuba turned his head to look at the other.

"Hm?" Seto murmured, trying to ignore the fact that in that position the younger Kaiba's lips were almost brushing against the older's cheek.

"I would love to take a look at a photo which includes you...", the quiet request formed into a soft whimper. Another moan escaped from Mokuba's mouth, when Seto showed him the photo he had asked for. There was a mixture of delight and tenderness in his voice. Not older than only five years old boy was laying on a huge bed with his cheek nuzzled to his pregnant mother's stomach, the woman from the earlier photographs. Some dark wisps were falling down onto sapphire eyes; the hair, long to the nape, hadn't changed a lot for dozen years. Mokuba sighed deeply, realizing that the same as the child was such like Seto, they both were totally different. The boy was wearing colourful T-shirt and shorts. Those loose clother didn't fit to his Nii-sama who avoided colourful clothes and hardly showed any part of his body except the face and hands. Besides there was a grin on the boy's face, and his happiness was obvious. It was something Mokuba hadn't been seeing since they had become adopted, and seeing the photo made him aware of missing that smile even more than he expected. "I miss your smile so much...", the teen whispered, rubbing his cheek against Seto's collarbone through the fabric of his cloth. "I've never seen more beautiful one."

It wasn't comfortable for Seto. He already knew that his character had changed a lot during last ten years. He doubt if he could be once again the person that was staring at them from the photo, he experienced too many traumatic things that still bothered him and he doubt they would ever stop. But he couldn't blame Mokuba for his words; the teen had no idea, why his Nii-sama wasn't that boy anymore. He wasn't supposed to get to know at any time. Kaiba stayed in silence, he just sighed into raven hair.

"I would like to do something... anything... just to make you happy."

"Mokuba..." a note of impatience played in Seto's voice. "Enough", he added, noticing that Mokuba tried to add something. Mokuba's lips shaped into silently 'Nii-sama', but he was far away from opposing. Even if cared about his older brother, he didn't want to force him to anything. He had no other idea what to do, so he just put the photography aside, and turned around to face Kaiba, whereupon he wrapped his arms around his Nii-sama's body very tightly; maybe it was selfish, but he really believed that his embrace could soothe the other, giving him some comfort. At the beggining Mokuba's action stayed unreturned, but after a longer while the teen felt a hand moving through his hair, then another, gently moving up and down his back. A slight sigh of relief left his lips as he pulled himself even closer to his brother. Kaiba hoped that Mokuba didn't notice how fast his heart was racing, when he was around so close. Sometimes Seto hated himself for derive so much satisfaction from having that fragile body in his arms. He didn't even try to pretend it was clear brotherly feeling, that borderline had become crossed many time ago. Now it was deeper and devastating at the same time. He just loved to inhale Mokuba's delicate scent, burying face in his silky hair, stroking it affectionately. Seto was still bothered by so many remorses, nonetheless that closeness was the only one thing that could bring him an ersatz for happiness.

"Nii-sama?" Kaiba loosened his grip, when Mokuba rised his head to look up into his brother's sapphire eyes. "You miss them, right?"

Seto narrowed his eyes, and irritation came to his voice, "It's such a silly question, Mokuba."

It wasn't a nice response, but the teen ignored it. "I know you do, Nii-sama. But... You were afraid that looking at those photos could hurt me. Then – probably. But after so many years I heavy remember them. I just happy that I can see them again, recall something about them. You are the one who spent more time with out parents, and I think that memories are painful mostly for you..." Kaiba wasn't holding his brother any longer; he fisted his hand on the sheet, and turned his gaze from Mokuba. It was another time, when his brother brought up a subject Seto didn't even want to thing about, not to mention speaking. "I'm aware you just want to spare me suffering", Kaiba didn't expect that his younger brother could be such tencious. Mokuba put his both hands on his Nii-sama's cheeks, so Seto just had to look at the other. With every another word of touch Mokuba's behaviour was more and more unbearable, and Kaiba was surprised that his younger sibling didn't realize yet how much he was vexatious. "I know you want to protect me, but maybe just one time you should let me help you?"

"What's wrong with you today?" Mokuba didn't expect that his caring could make his Nii-sama so furious. There was much more annoyance in Seto's voice than the older Kaiba had meant to put in it. "I do not need any damned help."

Before Mokuba could react, Seto pulled himself away from the teen, and sat down on the edge of the bed; now they were separated by distinct distance. Resting his elbows on his knees, Kaiba bent down a little, and closed his eyes. The younger pulled his knees to his chin, wrapping his arms around them. When he lowered his gaze, it settled on the last photography he had watched. He would've give really much to get back his smiled, cheerful Nii-sama. "Do you want me to go out?" Mokuba sniffled; just one moment ago, when he was in his brother's warm embrace, everything was just perfect. He didn't want to be away of him; even if there weren't more than two meters between them, it was still too much for the teen.

A longer silence fell between them. Seto started to play with the fabric of one of his sleeves. He didn't want to talk, but he knew that in other case Mokuba would leave him, being sure that his Nii-sama didn't want him there. "No", he finally whispered. "Do not even try to go out." He wanted Mokuba to stay so badly. He just desired his closeness; without any question, talking. It was unnecesary. Pointless. Seto wanted to soothe himself with his brother, and he wanted Mokuba to still look at him as his powerful Nii-sama who wasn't weak, who never fear. Who could endure everything, never bothered by anything. Besides talking, opening up was too hard. Ordering was much easier. He was accustomed to giving orders and people following them, so what would've been the sense of asking for anything? Seto definitely prefered first option. It always wokred... and he had no idea how much it was supposed to work that time. One moment he felt a gently touch on his both shoulders, and the soft body slipped onto his knees in such an agile way.

"I'm sorry...", Mokuba whispered softly to his brother's ear, wrapping his arms around Seto's neck. Kaiba's hands clenched on Mokuba's T-shirt and in his hair. It was something he needed the most. What they both needed. Stroking gently the raven wisps, Seto started to rock his little brother carefully.


	9. Like I'm not made of stone

**It was a while since the last update, wasn't it?**** It's caused by my need of making this story as perfect as possible with my writting skills, and put into every chapter all emotions I mean; something what isn't always very easy. I hope it's worth waiting.**

**Besides, I'm flattered with all of you who still read the story. ****Feel free and welcomed to leave me any keepsake of your presence, guys.**

**Enjoy.**

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><p><em>"And with words unspoken<em>

_A silent devotion_

_I know you know what I mean_

_And the end is unknown_

_But I think I'm ready_

_As long as you're with me_

_Being as in love with you as I am_

_Being as in love with you as I am_

_Being as in love, love, love"_

* * *

><p>He bent down to look at a man who was sleeping sideways; his eyes closed, some dark wisps falling on the closed eyes. Mokuba swept them gently, watching his brother carefully. Sitting on the edge of a bed, staring at Seto's face which seemed to be peaceful, there was only one thought in his mind, one that were burning him from inside; how much he desired to taste those slightly parted lips. <em>Nii-sama <em>Mokuba did not dare to say it out loud. Kaiba was always a light sleeper, and the cirles under his eyes were too dark and extensive; he just could not let himself be so selfish, taking a risk of waking Seto up. Though there was no force capable of making him throw all those thoughts off of his head; they were crowding in on him just too much, too chaotically. No matter how loudly and clearly they were screaming, they just could not reach the older Kaiba's ears. _My Nii-sama. You are really exhausted, aren't you...? We collapsed, and in a moment you were already sleeping... You must need this, a longer while of relax. Today you's seemed to be so distressed... __In moments like that__ I want to take care of you as you always do of me. I w__ould like you to never be sad again, make you as happy as I'm thanks to you... But, Nii-sama... Sometimes I'm so afraid you forget how to be happy..._

Mokuba's thoughts run to moments when Seto, had coming back from Kaiba Corporation, instead of taking some rest, would go upstairs through his office to sat at the desk, still wanting to improve, fix, or change something else. He would rest his elbow against the wooden atop, all the time massaging his temple that was throbbing in such a painful way. Every time whilst something would be wrong, Seto would wince; it would mean another one or two hours of labouring in front of the screen; his sapphire eyes would get irritated, but his Nii-sama never complained; certainly not aloud. There would be also evenings, when Kaiba would go to their living room, where he would sit in his favourite black chair, crossing his legs; he would be able to spend a good hour totally motionlessly.

_"What are you doing, Nii-sama?"_

_"Nothing, Mokuba. Finally just nothing."_

Seto fingers had clenched on his long fringe; with his eyes closed, he had hidden his face into his palm. A quit sigh had left his mouth, and Mokuba had hated himself that he had not been able to do anything else, but leave his brother alone with his sorrow; there always had been a melancholy piercing his soul, even if the teen had known that Seto had prefered to stay without any company, including Mokuba's. But from time to time the younger Kaiba had seen as his Nii-sama's hand had got fisted on his knee, creasing the fabric of his pants, and his shoulders had been trembling alarmingly. Then Mokuba just could not go out; he had placed himself on the one of the armrests, nuzzling his cheek against Seto's hair. In the dark, Mokuba had been stroking his brother's hand till the older had released it, and the teen had been able to close it in a warm embrace. After a longer time of silence, Kaiba had stood up without any word, and pulled himself away of Mokuba's touch, whereupon he had disappeared behind the door. It had never made Mokuba hurt; he had got used to that sort of behaviours since Seto had stopped to show his emotions. He had had to learn that his brother's action, even the most simply, had told more than his mouth could ever have. The moments of being together meant the world to him.

Mokuba reached for a white blanket which had been wrapped around him before, and covered Seto with the soft textile; Kaiba stirred uncalmly, but in a moment he inserted the coverlet onto his shoulder. The teen drew the courtains, then switched off the lights. Going back to the bed, Mokuba lay down sideways, same as his brother, facing Seto's back. Familiar cold teased his body; so typical, when he was running a fever. Mokuba took a little part of the blanket from Seto, trying to not violate his brother's personal space. The teen closed his eyes; spending every night like that was one of his the biggest dreams.

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><p><em>I don't know where I am. I'm not strong enough to open my eyes; I feel a terrible pain in every inch of my body as though it is pumping by my heart, and delievering to all cells with my blood. I hear a rhytmical ticking of a clock. Is it my room? I hate that old wall clock from my room. There are too many gold embellishmets on the mahony surface making it looks just like a cheap trash. Moreover its hands always move too slowly, whilst I'm looking forward to the end of a daytime, when I am allowed to close my books. I asked him lots of times to remove it, though for all the time the answer is the same; how dare I condradict him and his decisions?<em>

_I'm shaking under the unbearable cold. I force myself to grab the material I'm lying on, and place it on my body, but my fingers meets a sticky liquid. I touch my face, moving the hand across my cheek; a smell of iron reachs my nostrils. Blood? I am not sure as I am not sure whether I want to get to know._

Help, I have done it again

I have been here many times before

_The words formed in my mind, perfectly collaborating with the soft, quiet melody; I have no idea why this song, why now, but, lying motionlessly, following verses seem to be a kind of mantra for me. _

Hurt myself again today

And the worst part there's no one else to blame

_I try to not focus on the suffering of my flash; to the moment when I hear louder and louder sound of someone's footsteps. It makes me go back to the awful reality, where my muscles are burning, full of pain. At the begginig the gait seems to be very remote, but gets distinct every one second. The door becomes opened, and I hear a creak of the floor towards me. This person... It's not him. I would recognize his pungent odor; there's no other one making me sick so fucking easly. Damn, so who's that..._

_"I've heard you're quite nice courtesan," deep, male voice rings in my ears. He doesn't even try to hide a mockery waving in his voice. I'm certain I never met him before; I'm oddly sure I woud never want to. The mattres underneath me gives way a little under the pressure of his body; I feel his hand in my hair which he starts to play with. The man's touch is almost tender... It disgusts me. I shiver, when his fingers run down my back, exploring every hollows, lines of muscles... His thumb rubbs a scar across my shoulder blade, and a chuckle leaves the man's mouth in way which covers my naked body with some gooseflesh. I want to tell anything. I want to scream, to object, but the words stick in my throat. I need to banish his loathsome touch... But I'm not able to make any movement, or even open my eyes... It's too hard, as if this abomiation paralyzes me. "Your skin is such smooth... You must be very delicate, right?" He whispers into my ear, stroking my hair yet again._

_Leave me alone. No... Take your fucking hand away._

_He fondles another parts of my form, circulating his fingers lower and lower. All of a sudden, his lips meet the bottom of my back; I can't help, but shout involuntarily in a detestation, though my voice is muffled by the satin fabric of a pillow. A few tears appear in the corners of my eyes as he hits painfully the space between my shoulder blades. "Now you are too delicate," the man smacks his lips with discontent. "But don't be afraid, I will use you properly."_

_Really?How to not be afraid? And... How he's going to use me...? What the fuck is going on... There's so many questions in my mind, but I'm incapable of ask any of them out loud; the only one thing I can do is crying. Another pathetic tears fall down my cheeks, but this time he ignores my sobbing. He turns me onto my back, jerking my body. Until now, I had no idea that the inbearable pain could be even more severe... _

Be my friend

Hold me, wrap me up

Unfold me

_I force myself to get rid of thoughts connected with that man. I imagine there's nothing else; only me and a piano playing peaceful chords in my mind. There is nothing else... No blood on the sheet, no pain, no that male. He doesn't run his hands over my whole body, and I don't whimper, when he touches the more sore areas. He doesn't burry his face into a crook of my neck, whispering that he desires to taste me. The man doesn't run his warm tongue along my neck, leaving some wet traces. No bitting, no sucking... No hand between my legs. "Damn, Seto," he doesn't murmur teasingly, "don't pretend it doesn't turn you on." It shouldn't be like that... I should be able to throw out of my head him, and every evidence of his existence. I did familiar things so many times before... Nonetheless, his hands are still on my, and I don't know if my sobbing actually means a fear, an anger, or a devastation inside me. _

I am small

I'm needy

Warm me up

And breathe me

* * *

><p>"No..."<p>

Alarmed by a loud moan, Mokuba jumped up. He took a look around, seeking for a source of noise that had woken him up.

"Do not... Leave me."

"Nii-sama," Mokuba leant over Seto, who was mumblng anxiously in his sleep. The blanket that had covered them before now was laying on the floor, and the teen understood why he was cold yet again, but at that moment the chill was not important at all. Trying to awake his brother, Mokuba shook him, clenching fingers on Kaiba's shoulders; even if he did it for Seto's own good, it was still not comfortable for the younger to violate his Nii-sama in such a sharp way. "Nii-sama, wake up." In a response, Seto whimpered something incomprehensible. On impulse, Kaiba stirred his arm, pushing Mokuba away from himself; whereupon he nuzzled his face into a pillow, sighing deeply.

"Shh," the teen said softly to Seto's ear, caressing his fingers clenched on the quilt. Mokuba placed his hand on his brother's, squeezing it gently. "Nothing wrong happens," he was whispering over and over till he was sure his Nii-sama's breath got normalize. Mokuba covered their bodies with the blanket yet again, then he clung to Seto's back, resting his cheek against Kaiba's shoulder. Stroking him through the warm turtleneck, Mokuba wanted to unbelt his brtoher's arms, legs, undress him, and make him feel cosy. But at that moment, when the older calmed down, the teen prefered to just let Seto sleep, and not bother him with touch. Mokuba closed his eyes, altought he knew he would not fall asleep again; his quiet 'I'm here', and 'everything's alright' were mixing with his Nii-sama's heavy breath.

* * *

><p><em>"So? Usable?" The disturbing touch ceases, when another person steps in. I recognize this voice, the voice which makes my body frozen. <em>

_Finally I force myself to open my eyes, but in a moment I regret, when my eyes meet an obese man sitting near to me. Maybe his clothes are elegant, seeming to be expensive, but his oily, grey hair and bushy facial hair make him look just dirty, damned abominably. "Is he healty?" His voice sounds more serious than at the time when I was the only one he was talking to. He had a look at me; I try to return the action with lots of contempt, but I cannot resist the impression instead of it my eyes glances at him plaintively. _

_"Hey, you aren't suggesting me anything, are you?"_

_The ironical laugh I've heard before rings out, but he get serious very quickly. "I would like to test him a bit more," he says grinning at me; I realize he doesn't have both upper lateral incisors. _

_"Of course. I've told you I don't need him any longer."_

_The man nods with understanding, and draws closer to me. His attention is focusing only on me; paralyzed with a dread, I see as my step-father gets out, smiling at me mockingly, then he closes the door. My scream sounds like a pathetic groan. He disregards me, and his big, rough hands go back onto my body. My heart is racing unnaturally, and I'm not capable of controling my tears. _

_"Don't touch me..." I stammer. He raised his glance at me, an interest in his dark eyes, though there's also a wildness that concerns me. "Please, I don't want... I plead you, stop." I ramble, retirating all silly sentences I always use in this sort of situations. It makes me really humiliated, whilst I'm reiterating another phrases, but I'm ready for everything what could stop him from touching me. I'm aware even if my begging helps, I will fucking hate myself later, but it doesn't matter. I just can't stand him any longer..._

Ouch, I have lost myself again

Lost myself and I'm nowhere to be found

_"Listen," suddenly his face is in front of mine; I could count all his furrows. It's too close... I found it really hard to not cry even louder, but I fail, when he starts to stroke my cheek. "Everything's gonna be alright. You want everything to be alright, right? So be kind to me." _

_I put all forces I still have into a quiet whisper, "Fuck off." A full of desperation moan, commingling with my sobbing; tears slip from my weeping eyes. Until I'm aware what has already happened, I feel a stinging ache on one of my cheeks. At once, he hits me again, and sits on me astride. Because of his weight I'm about loosing my breath, and my head is spinning._

_My torturer clenches fingers in my hair, bending my head back. "Oh, my tiny Seto. Say it again." Not waiting for my reaction, his other hands starts a trek over my body. He released a grasp from my hair, but only to keep my both wrists behind my head, and the signs of my weakness run down my face._

* * *

><p>"Do not touch me," Seto raised his voice, squirming under the blanket.<p>

"Nii-sama," Mokuba nearly screamed to his brother's ear, placing his both hands on the trembling shoulders, "Nii-sama, don't sleep..." The teen was not used to shout at his brother, and he did not feel good with that, but there was no other way to wake Seto up. After another 'Nii-sama' Kaiba blinked a few times, then looked at Mokuba with a bewilderment in his blue eyes.

Seto wiped the sweat from his forehead. "What's–" He mumbled, but the other interrupted him.

"I'm so glad you're already awaken."

Kaiba rubbed his fingers against the closed eyelids. He was confused; a moment had to pass until Seto realized where he was, who was with him, and, what was the most important, that everything what had happened a moment before was nothing more, but a horrid nightmare. And at that moment it came to his mind again; those negative feelings, from an anger to a frustration, everything so real, and disturbing. _It was just a bad dream. Nothing more, but the fucking nightmare. _Seto pushed himself to a sitting position; lazily doing his hair, he swallowed hard. _It never happened. _So why his heart was beating so damned fast? Seto only hoped that Mokuba did not notice his nervousness. "Don't you feel well?" He questioned, not giving his brother any opportunity to ask about anything; Kaiba was not sure if Mokuba had realized he had a nightmare, and he certainly did not want to know.

The older's words were too unexpected; surprised teen did not know what to answer. "What?" Mokuba mumbled quietly; worrying about Seto, he had totally forgotten to take care about himself. And even if the question seemed to be obvious, there was something unnatural. For Mokuba, he should have been the asking one, and make sure that his Nii-sama was alright; how are you feeling?, what were you dreaming about?, is everything alright?, but he did not say a word.

"You've woken me up," Seto explained slowly. "Something's wrong?" Kaiba never wanted Mokuba to feel bad, nonetheless he also did not want any 'you should be asked about that' as a response.

There was a strange tension is Seto's voice; the teen noticed that, and even if originally he had meant to deny, Mokuba bit his tongue, "I don't feel quite well." The younger Kaiba sat down beside his brother. "Aren't you angry with my for awaking you?" Mokuba still had in his mind the gentle grip on his wrist, when he had tried to go back to his bedroom; _sleep with me. _The order had been his own desire, but Mokuba had been too afraid to ask for it aloud. _I want to be around if you feel bad at night. _The reason was not important, when he could sleep with his beloved Nii-sama. Mokuba wondered if there was something else behind the behest, but did not dare to suggest it out loud.

"Such a silly question," Seto rolled his eyes, an annoyance vibrating in his voice. He touched Mokuba's forehead, checking the temperature. "You don't run a fever. Do you have a headache? Or your throat hurts?" Kaiba did not care how overprotectively he sounded; worrying about the younger brother was mixing inside him with a desperate need of focusing his mind on something else than the nightmare.

"It's nothing," Mokuba said quietly, never meaning to worry his Nii-sama. "Let's lie down again, huh...?"

"Mokuba..."

Calling him in such a scolding way was enough to understand that he could have not just avoided a more concrete answer. "A little headache," he mumbled, fixing his eyes on the quilt. "But it's really nothing, Nii-sama."

"Mokuba," Kaiba repeated his brother's name in even more irritated way, "Haven't you found out yet that it's never 'nothing' for me?"

The teen held his breath; was Seto aware how those words affected on him? Mokuba reached his hand to touch the other's hair, sweep some wisps from the sapphire eyes, but Kaiba avoided his touch, and stood up. "I should bring you some medicins, shouldn't I? Stay here, I'll be back in a moment." Seto gave him no chance to response, he got out of the bedroom until Mokuba reacted in any way.

Slowly passing the corridor, he tried to think only about Mokuba. Nothing comforted him as his younger brother, and Seto really needed to calm down; collect his thoughts, normalize his racing heart, get rid of the nightmare that was coming back to him in more and more bothering way. And that song. It was in his head, when Seto had been sleeping, and was playing there even at that moment. Kaiba was thankful for Mokuba that the teen did not ask anything; deducing from the shivering of his body, he just had not had sleep peacefully. Not noticing anything seemed to be even greater relief; it was hard enough to just stand the existence of the damned nightmare, Seto would have not beared talking about that.

_Medicins for Mokuba. Yeah, do think about that. _Kaiba closed the door behind him, and clenched his hands on a sink. Why couldn't he stop bother himself with those thoughts? _Damn, get calm, _he reproved himself. _It was just a nightmare. The fucking nightmare, it doesn't have anything in common with the reality. _Really? The question came to Seto's mind automatically. Had he never felt as humiliated as in the nightmare? Never terrified, never felt any anger because of being damned powerless? The answer was too obvious. Kaiba cursed his subconscious which another time made him fucking weak, miserably covered with the fumes of the past.

_Ouch, I have lost myself again_

_Lost myself and I'm nowhere to be found_

_Yeah, I think that I might break_

_I've lost myself, and I feel unsafe_

"Fuck," Seto whispered under his breath, putting all his emotions into the single word. He wanted to scream, to hit something, someone, do anything what would have helped him felt better, throw the emotions out. He slowly run his fingers up his left side; feeling through the fabric another ribs, he finally placed his hand level with his heart, then he felt its abnormal racing even more clearly. Gently pressed the spot as if the simply action was able to normalize the hearbeating.

_Oh, my tiny Seto._

"No..." Kaiba whispered louder than he meant. "I don't want..." He started to murmur some incomprehensible words, all of them circulating around 'no' and some curses. Seto found it annoying that none of them did not help him at all. Violently, he turned on the tap; a cold stream was hitting a ceramic surface, splashing at Kaiba's clothes. He took some water onto his cupped hands, and chilled his face, rubbing the closed eyelids.

"Nii-sama?" A worrying voice coming through the door made Seto frozen. "Are you alright?"

_No... Mokuba, leave me alone. _Kaiba clenched his fingers on the sink again, more tightly. _Not now. Don't look at me. _It was the first time, when Seto did not want his brother to care about him, when he prefered Mokuba to just ignore his existence. If anything was capable of making him feel worse, it was Mokuba seeing his Nii-sama in such a pathetic condition. Even Seto could not have look at himself; raising his glance at the man in the mirror, he winced with a disgust. Shivering shoulders, the dark strands falling at the reddened eyes. Such a weak idiot who was not able to deal with his past; fucking nightmare was enough to throw him off balance.

"Nii-sama," Mokuba was not going to give up, "I'm really worried..." Seto sighed, realizing that his younger sibling would not just leave him alone.

At first, Seto wanted to shout at the other, but there was no point in that, even ordering seemed to be pointless. The loving tone moved him too much, it was such a disturbing mixture with his depressing emotions and memories. Kaiba knew that if he screamed at Mokuba, he would he not been the only one sad; he would have never let his past hurt also his brother.

"It's alright," Kaiba said barely audible; he was not sure whether the other heard him with the noisy sound of water. "Go back to the bedroom."

"No," Seto would have never expected Mokuba could have been so stubborn, and had no idea, why he liked it so much. He did not want it, same as he did not want the other to stay behind the door, or better – by his side, he did not want Mokuba to comfort him, take care of him. No...

Seto turned off the tap, and silence fell; even his footseps sounded louder than should have. Kaiba sat down on the floor, resting his back agaist the door, and pulled his knees to his chin. He felt like was a frightened, defenseless child again. His own imagination was sending him lots of visions, memories, smells, everything what had been tormenting him for so many years. His fisted had hit the cold flooring, but the times when physical pain muffled the mental one was gone, and it did not help any longer.

"Nii-sama," a soft whisper rang out behind the door, level with Seto's head, "I just want you to know that I'm here." Mokuba meant to add 'for you', but finally he left those words unspoken. Wasn't it obvious? Everything he ever did was always only for his Nii-sama. There would have not been any exaggeration in the statement that Mokuba lived for him. The teen was on the verge of craying, realizating that he was not able to offer Seto anything else, but his presence; and not even in the other's arms, they were still separated by the door. With his T-shirt, which still wore Kaiba's masculine scent, Mokuba wiped some tears away. He wished to know what bothered Seto, but consolig him was more important. Showing any weakness was pointless, when the teen had to stay strong for both of them. "You know, Nii-sama," Mokuba rubbed his cheek against the wooden surface lazily, just like it wasn't a door, but his brother's arm; even it was silly, that simply action gave him an irrational sensation of Seto's closeness, especially when he really needed to hug the other. "You don't have to say anything, if you don't want... You know I understand. But... It's hard to endure for me that something isn't alright, and can't be with you..." He did not expect any answer, so when Seto stayed silent, the teen kept talking. Not being ordered to be quiet made him feel more self-confident. "If you want, we can go to bed, and lay in silence... It would be like now... Just more comfortable..." Mokuba broke off; all of a sudden, all those words seemed to be very infantile. He felt so silly, not knowing how to put it. Out loud, the sentences did not sound as well as in his mind. Or maybe he overstimated himself; maybe he was able to ease Seto's mind, or Kaiba just did not want to be comforted by him, and it was the reason, why the older still did not answer. Another doubts came to his mind, when he felt a pressure against his back what made him jump up.

"Don't say anything," Seto hissed until Mokuba even opened his mouth. "You should have been already in the bed," Kaiba's cold tone did not matter for the teen; he did not remember the last time, when getting a reprimend was also a relief. "Damn, you are ill, and you are sitting on the cold floor? Don't behave so ridiculous, Mokuba. Do you really want to feel even worse?" Not waiting for an answer, Kaiba passed his younger sibling, and, with his characteristic dignified gait, set off towards his bedroom.

"But Nii-sa–"

Seto stopped, but did not look at the other.

"Mokuba," a note of impatience played in his voice, "could you take care of yourself instead of worrying about me unnecessarily?"

The younger Kaiba did not make any movement, just staring at his brother's receding back. The scolding did not stop him from worrying; on the contrary, Mokuba was even more concerned. At the same time he was angry with himself; no matter how much he wanted to help Seto, the only thing he was able to do was making him more annoyed. The awareness of helplessness filled Mokuba. He did not want to stay passive, but irritating the other seemed to be even worse option.

"Wait, Nii-sama," the teen called loudly enough to make Seto stop once again. Kaiba turned to face the other, and give him an disorientated look. But Mokuba was not about explaining anything, he just came to his elder brother, and grasped him tightly with his arms around Seto's body. The older froze; ha had no idea how to react, the touch surprised him, and it definietly was not a good kind of surprise. Inside he was still broken, in thousands pieces, and no one of them matched to any other. How was he supposed to relish Mokuba's embrece if there was still other touch in his mind, and it was as bothering as it was real? He just was incapable of returning the tender gesture. As if that was not bad enough, Mokuba started to caress the dark hair, and pressed his lips against Seto's cheek. He really did not care about being ignored, still hoping that his loving actions would change that coldness.

"Don't," a short, sharp behest; Kaiba had to pull Mokuba away nearly by force, whereupon he moved a few steps back. The big, stormy eyes got hazy; Seto was never able to describe his own feeling properly, so it was even harder when went to any other person, but he could have not resisted the impression that his action made Mokuba not only sad, but hurt as well.

"I thought..." There was an distressing, shivering tone in Mokuba's voice. "I was sure you don't regret..." Kaiba narrowed his eyes, giving the other a questioning stare. Regret what? He had no idea what Mokuba was talking about, though he had sounded really serious. Seto was about to ask, when suddenly he realized, how mistakenly Mokuba had understood his behaviour. Seto took a step towards his brother, but the teen stood back. "You don't have to," Mokuba said quickly, trying to stop his voice from trembling. "I don't want you to force yourself to anything, or–"

Until Mokuba finished the sentence, Seto drew closer to him yet again, and wrapped his arms around the fragile form, cuddling the younger carefully. It was so hard; being touched was the last thing Kaiba wanted at that moment, and he felt bad even if it was Mokuba whose hands were on him. But he was not doing it for himself, he was not the most important one. Seto was full of anger with himself; he was too deeply in his own trauma and suffering, totally forgetting about the other's needs. He was the only one who should have been blamed for making Mokuba stop believing in his Nii-sama and his feelings. Seto pulled his sibling even closer, when the teen clang to him under the pressure of the strong squeeze. Mokuba surrounded the other's neck with his arms, and closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Seto's shoulder. "I do not force myself to anything," Kaiba was slowly moving his hand up and down Mokuba's back. "And I do regret nothing."

* * *

><p>When he opened his eyes, he saw nothing, but darkness. A longer while had to pass until Mokuba's eyes became accustomed to the night; he was able to recognize simple shapes, mostly thanks to the streetlights illuminating through the windows. The teen felt an odd anxiety, and the feeling increased, when he realized that there is nothing more next to him, but an empty spot and a hollow in the sheet. "Nii-sama...?"<p>

At his brother's soft voice, Kaiba turned around from the window, where he had been spending last several dozen minutes. "I'm here," he whispered, heading the bed at once. Why that word always made his heart just racing? Seto sat beside Mokuba, and leant over him; his hand went trought the raven hair, stroking it gently.

Mokuba reached his hand for Seto, "Come to me." When the teen's hand met the warm fabric, the teen sighed; as he supposed, his elder brother had not even tried to fall asleep.

In a response, Mokuba expected a refusal, an excuse, everything, but not that mild tone which appeared in Seto's voice unexpectedly, "Whatever you wish."

_I want you to kiss me. _The teen did not have enough courage to say his the biggest desire aloud. At that moment his body, his soul, all Mokuba yearned for the wonderful taste of his Nii-sama's mouth. He waited until Seto closed him in a warm embrace, slipping in under the quilt. The teen could have swear, that deepened breath was something more than his imagination, Mokuba nuzzled his face to his brother's neck, teasing a slight uncovered fragment with his each exhalation. He wrapped his one arm around Seto's waist, whilst the other one was stroking hidden under the hair nape. The younger Kaiba sighed with a pleasure. The arms around his body, the fingers running over him affectionately, the lips leaving plenty of gentle kisses on his head... Maybe it was not the kind of smooch he had mean just a few seconds ago, but at that moment Mokuba would have not exchanged the warm touch for anything else. He was crazy about the bossy Nii-sama, but his tender part seemed to be even more wonderful.

"I would do everything for you," Seto's voice rang out quietly; his lips were almost brushing against the soft skin behind the ear. Mokuba closed his eyes tightly, holding back the tears which came to the corners of his eyes. He would have not minded, if Seto wanted to say it agin, and again, and... Kaiba, slowly running his nose through his brother's silky hair, inhaled the sweet scent; the fruit conditioner made an idyllic conjunction with Mokuba's natural aroma. Relishing the mixture, he was finally able to dispose of the odor which seemed to settle in in his mind, altogether with every aspects of tormenting experiences. Seto reached for the other's hand in the dark, and interlaced their fingers together.

_Be my friend_

_Hold me, wrap me up_

_Unfold me_

_I'm small, I'm needy_

_Warm me up_

_And breathe me_


	10. What's made from a despair

****THREE EFFIN' MONTHS. And now I'm incredibly both excited and anxious, releasing this chapter.****

****Thank you for all your comments, given here as reviews or anywhere else; support is always appreciated, I need it.****

****Usually I use private m********e********ssages for replies, but when I can't... ********Gen********, you have no idea how much I enjoyed every single word of your review. The fact that someone who doesn't like Tabloidshipping can enjoy this story is a great compliment for me as an author. And sorry that you had to wait, shame on me because of this awful long break.****

****I also want to thank**** ****Guest********. And yeah,********grammar issues... I'm aware of them. And I work really hard to improve my English. I've started to re-write this story, fixing language mistakes (now it's done from the first to the third chapter, if anyone would like to check it out).****

****Do you know what's better than a great Tabloidshipping story? Another great Tabloidshipping story. I'd like to recommend you ******__**Claim **__******by my dear ********Elsza********. It's just a beginning, but really good beginning. Check it out for the love of kittens.****

****I hope that after these bloody three months you**** ****are still with me.****

****Enjoy.****

* * *

><p><em><em>Take me to church<em>_

__I'll worship like a dog__

__At the shrine of your lies__

__I'll tell you my sins__

__And you can sharpen your knife__

__Offer me the deathless death__

* * *

><p>It was Haydn. The quite sounds, coming from the loudspeakers, bringing some solace with themselves. Seto leaned back in a soft chair. Having closed his eyes, his fingers found their way to the throbbing temples.<p>

He liked Haydn, yet he did not value him as much as Mozart or Bach. Yeah; Mozart and Bach had to be really good, if after all those years, when he used to be forced to play their compositions, perfectly imitating each note, he was still able to listen to them, deriving asmusement from the music. Having forgotten that he still could play so many of them, a lot of parts without taking a peek at notes, made that amusement even better.

Seto pressed his fingers against the skin harder in order to get rid of disturbing minds.

A help came from the noise of opening door. Seto glanced up, his hands returned onto the desk mechanically. "Nii-sama," Mokuba closed the door behind himself, "are you busy?"

Taking a gaze at the screen of his laptop, Seto sighed mentally. There was still an incomplete breakdown of the last month's investments of Kaiba Corporation waiting for being done. He should have set about finishing it eventually. He should have, yet why not later? Recently he had been doing it more and more often; since nights had been causing nothing, but troublesome thoughts which he just wanted to forget, but the harder he tried, the more stuck inside of his head they seemed to be. In this situation working was a kind of comfort, especially accommodating his problems with falling asleep.

"No, come in," having closed the laptop, Seto put it aside. Mokuba stepped in; instead of perching on the couch as he usually did, the younger Kaiba headed towards his brother's desk, and sat down on the edge. "As a matter of fact, there is an affair I want to talk over with you." Resting his elbows atop the desk, Seto interwined his fingers together.

"Something's wrong?" The fact that Mokuba started to foddle nervously with a wisp of his hair did not escape Seto's notice.

"No," Seto answered quickly, yet calmly. "At first, tell me how are you feeling?"

"Much better," Mokuba shrugged, trying to hide the concern induced by his Nii-sama's words. "I told you it's nothing serious. Y'know it's the way I work off stress."

Of course he knew. It was impossible to him to forget a large number of times, when Mokuba used to have headaches, stomach aches, or colds caused by getting nervous or feared. The first time had taken place in the orphanage, just a very few days after the death of their parents. Even if Seto never admitted it out loud, he would have taken upon himself all his little brother's worries so as Mokuba did not feel bad anymore. He should have known about it anyways. Therefore, Seto did not understand, why Mokuba approached his own health in such disrespectful way. "Do not combine 'stress' and 'nothing serious' whilst you are talking about yourself ever again," Seto hissed harshly.

"I am sorry," Mokuba said barely audible under his breath, fixing his eyes on the floor, scared away because of his brother's unexpectedly bitter reaction.

There was a long lull before Seto broke it; he sighed, then spoke out, his voice sounding more softly, "It's what I wanted to talk about." Mokuba looked up at his brother, flashing a questioning glance. "We haven't taken up this matter again, but... Mokuba, I still remember how miserably you looked, when you came back from the school last time." A wave of relief fell all over Mokuba's body. Eventually, he could calm himself down, because along with Seto's words the anxiety, which had come all of a sudden, was gone. On the other hand, it still was not a subject he would have touched upon willingly. Thus, the younger Kaiba stayed silent, waiting for his Nii-sama to go on. Seto narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing Mokuba for a short while. "Back then, I told you that I would take you from there," Mokuba nodded. "You refused."

"None of those words were true."

Seto was already aware of it, though, listening to these words again gave him an odd pleasure. "I thought so. Thus, I assumed you will not mind if I deal with it today."

Mokuba's eyes widened in a surprise. "Of course," he said shortly, barely audible, as if he wanted to finish the conversation as quickly as possible in order to prevent from Seto's possible change of mind.

"Nonetheless, I would like you to tell me what happened," low, deep voice of Seto made Mokuba hang his head. He just loved this voice, but would have given a lot in order to hear any other words. He did not want to go back to this subject, for him, there was no reason to do so, especially now, when finally everything was finished, and only calmness was left. "Mokuba," Seto said impatiently, yet Mokuba still did not say a word. Gently, Seto pulled Mokuba's chin up, forcing his brother to look at him. "Mokie, come on. Don't avoid the problem."

Mokuba shook his head. Afterwards, he did something what his Nii-sama had not expected at all. The younger Kaiba stood up, then seated himself on Seto's lap, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Seto had no idea how to respond for such astonishing action. Finally, the care about Mokuba was stronger than his own fears. Running his hand through his sibling's hair, Seto started to stroke it gently with his other hand rested against the armrest of the chair. He took a deep breath, when Mokuba nuzzled his face to his Nii-sama's shoulder. Kaiba knew this behaviour very well; it was something what Mokuba used to do everytime when he felt uneasy, being in need of getting some comfort. Seto still had in his mind the moment, when Mokuba had told for the first time that 'Nii-sama is the safest place'. Altought it had been over ten years ago, Seto could not resist the impression that nothing had been changing. This awarness rejoiced him more than should have.

Seto knew he should not have force Mokuba to answer. At last it was he who understood a blockade from bringing up hard issues better than anyone else. The feeling of words sticking in throat, causing almost physical pain, it was so familiar to him. But he could not just leave this subject, even if he was not sure whether it was a right direction where the care of Mokuba should have led him. "So bad?" He asked quietly. "Did someone hurt you?

"No," Mokuba said softly, louder than he had intended to. He did not want to be misunderstood; same as he did not want to continue this conversation, as he did not want to lament himself, as he had never wanted plenty of things, that at that moment were not important at all; not when he had his Nii-sama so close. "No," Mokuba repeated, this time much more quietly. "I wouldn't call it 'hurt me'".

"So how would you call it?"

Sometimes Mokuba really hated that uncompromising attitude of his brother. Not only when it went to asking another questions, but also the way his Nii-sama demanded answers. Refusing seemed to be hard, especially when Seto was talking to him with his low, huskily voice Mokuba adored so much. "I... I found contacts with other people... a bit hard. Maybe it was the problem," Mokuba shrugged, clinging closer to Seto. "Let's don't talk about it, please," he whispered against his Nii-sama's neck.

Seto clenched his fingers on the armrest. "Mokuba," he muttered, "I was sure you already knew that I would destroy anyone who dared to hurt you."

A shiver ran down the younger Kaiba's spine. It was not an answer he had expected. But it was the answer which filled him with relish; Mokuba had had no idea how much he had desired to hear words like those. Was Seto aware how had they sounded? How had they harmonized with his appealing voice? Mokuba closed his eyes, inhaling his brother's scent, so male, so alluring. "I just didn't want to worry you," with mouth nuzzled to Seto's shoulder, Mokuba's voice was muffled. "Nevertheless... Nevertheless your life was never easy... But you handled that, right?

"Bullshits," Kaiba said harshly. The subject was deviating to matters he was not going to bring up. "You should have told me about everything."

Mokuba looked up at his Nii-sama, his hand cupped on Seto's cheek. "Do __you__ tell me about everything?"

Seto could not respond. Not so as not to lie to his brother along with avoiding another questions. Thus, he did something what seemed to be the easiest, if there could be something easy in that case. "Stand up," he spat out in such a cold tone so that disobeying did not even come to Mokuba's mind. He did as he was commanded, then Seto stood up as well, and headed towards the door. "I'm going out." Kaiba ignored Mokuba who was almost begging him for staying. He shut the door close, then went straight to the stairs.

He was mad at himself, at his past. At the fact, that no matter how hard he tried to run away from it, it still haunted him, hurting not only him, but Mokuba as well.

Seto was near to the front door, when he heard a cheerful, feminine voice behind himself, "Good morning, Kaiba-sama."

He turned around, sending the dark-haired young maid a cool glance. Why did her smile seem to be sincere? She had no reason to do so. Showing, probably faked, cordiality was not the thing she was paid for. "Seto-sama," he corrected her with a slight note of irritation, before he grabbed his coat, and got out of the mansion.

* * *

><p>Being a commonly known person, Seto Kaiba had managed to become accustomed to the fact that wherever he appeared, he usually aroused people's interest. The young chief executive officer of Kaiba Corporation was used to those penetrating stares which he either ignored, or returned in scornful manner. The same situation happened whilst he was walking through the school corridor, with typical of him distinguished gait, followed by pleanty of nosy eyes. Seto weaned himself off the characteristic clamour which, for a short period of time, when he would attend Domino High School, used to give him bothersome headache every school day.<p>

He was not a good person. He was aware of it; actually, he never really cared about it as he did not care about himself for many years. Yet he always cared about being a good brother. Damn him, if he had not been subordinating his whole life to this one role. The very thought of those little shitheads who had dared to disturb Mokuba, Seto felt like blowing that bloody building out. He regretted the moment when he had agreed on Mokuba's insisting on going to the same school as his Nii-sama and Yuugi. Seto put it down to his own forbearance and desire to ensure Mokuba peace which never had been given to him.

Yet again, his temples began to throbb vexatiously.

"Kaiba-kun!"

Seto halted, a quiet growl left his mouth. Meeting Yuugi Mutou this time, this place seemed to be too absurdal to surprise him. Having rolled his eyes, Kaiba turned to face the joyful visage of the other. "Yuugi," Seto greeted him reservedly. "What are you doing here?"

"Altought I finished the school, I still like to come here," Yuugi shrugged, then waved his hand in flippant manner. "By the way, what are __you __doing here, Kaiba-kun?"

"No matter," Kaiba muttered.

"It's about Mokuba, isn't it?" Yuugi noticed that Seto narrowed his eyes. "I understand you. When I saw him the last time, he seemed to be really downcast. Y'know, Mokuba told me about everything what happened back then, and I still regret I couldn't help him... Especially because I know his feelings, I used to be bullied, too. How he's going? Everything's alright? Y'know, we didn't have any occasion–"

Frustation grew inside of Seto along with a kind of a feeling he could not name. Jealous? For sure the fact Yuugi knew about it more than he irritated him. "...bullied?" Seto repeated, not caring about anything the other had told later.

Yuugi nodded. "Even by Jounouchi-kun and Honda-kun. Didn't you know about it? But when I completed–"

"Damn, I'm not talking about you," Seto cut Yuugi short harshly.

Yuugi's eyes widened. "Oh," he muttered under his voice pensively. Why was Kaiba asking? Did not he know about all those things? Yuugi found it strange, and did not even try to hide his amazement. "Didn't you two talk about it?" Kaiba's face was a sufficient answer.

"It is not an answer," Seto hissed.

It was obvious to Yuugi that Seto would demand an answer. Kaiba was not a person who would have just let it drop, especially not when it was about his baby brother. But if Mokuba had not told Kaiba about his troubles, there had had to be a good reason behind it, and Yuugi was afriad of imparing his trust. It made him hesitate, but only for a short moment. So he told Seto everything he knew. About Mokuba's difficulties with adapting himself to the rest of the class, what, as time had been passing, had turned into teasing and taunting. From time to time Yuugi made a short break to compare the younger Kaiba's problems to his own, but then Seto threw him a blasting glance what made Yuugi return to the right subject. When he mentioned the fight Mokuba had got into a couple of days ago, Seto's hands fisted involuntarily; he could not resist an impression that everything was his fault. It was his fault that Mokuba, because of hard to understand to Seto reason, had not come to him with his problems, it was his fault that his brother was as anti-social as his Nii-sama. His own loneliness never disturbed him as long as Mokuba was by his side; now he realized that it had left its mark on Mokuba. If the presence of Yuugi Mutou in his live had ever pleased him, it was at this moment.

"You know who did it to him," Seto drawled without any question in his voice, another time interrputing Yuugi, who gave a nod as a response. "Then come, and be useful at least one time."

__Why did you never tell me about it, Mokie? You see, now your Nii-sama has to get his hands dirty.__

* * *

><p>Seto pressed a doorbell. Then, he did it again, and again, and one more time. When he heard a bunch of curses from the other side of the door, he shoved it once again with premeditaion.<p>

"Kaiba-kun," a nervous whisper of Yuugi rang out behind him, "please, be calm. And, first of all, don't use violence, alright?" Seto snorted under his breath. He was not a child any longer, he did not have to get into a fight in order to protect his youger brother, as he used to do a pleanty of times in the orphanage to get Mokuba out of spot. There were more interesting ways of revenge himself. For example humilitation, one of the most satisfactory.

"If you've insisted on coming here with me, at least do not interfere," growled Kaiba, crossing his arms over his chest.

How easy it was to worm informations out of people. He had not had any difficulties with getting an adress of that tiny scumbag, who just opened the door. Quite boring, bute Seto was not going to bicker with him longer than it would be necessary.

"What the–" The words broke on the teenager's mouth as he noticed the both in front of him, turning his eyes on Seto, then Yuugi, and back on Seto.

"Sayuki Kiyoshi?" Seto asked in a manner as if he was bored.

"What's the matter?"

"As I supposed, you're an idiot."

Kaiba stepped in bluntly. Yuugi followed him tentatively, and stood right behind him. He was not sure, what he should have expect from Seto; in fact, he seemed to be unexpectedly calm. Nonetheless, Yuugi was ready to pacify him in any case. As much as it was possible to pacify Seto Kaiba.

"What's the matter?" Sayuki repeated. Having closed the door, he drew closer to Kaiba. Till now Yuugi did not realize that the teenager was almost as tall as Seto; the stance of Kaiba, his obvious self-confidence making the clear distance between both of them. He smiled under his breath as he thought to himself that it used to be opposite, when Kaiba would stand next to Yami.

Seto raised his eyebrows. "I did not allow you to speak. Now I am talking, and you do listen to me."

"Don't command me in my home," Kaiba curved his lips into a derisive smile at this state.

"You are not too well-mannered, are you? I see that no one has even taught you how to have someone as your guest," Seto was uttering slowly, with the monotony Yuugi was accustomed to. Mutou took a deep breath; he was not sure if it was not wore than an anger he had been afraid of. "You have not offered us a seat. What if I would like to make myself comfortable?" Seto looked round. The flat was as usual as only could be, but to him it did not matter at all. "And, maybe, I would like if I were not filled with disgust at the sight of this place."

Before anyone reacted, a door behind Seto creaked open, and a little girl, not older than six years old, emerged. Yuugi foddled with his sleeve as Kaiba knelt in front of her so that their eyes were on the same level. "Kaiba-kun," Yuugi whispered nervously.

"You are not allowed to speak, too," still staring at the girl, Seto said with a grin, his voice canorous, what made Yuugi frozen; so the whole situation was enterteining Kaiba like it was just a game, why he had not realized it earlier. "What's your name, little princess?" Seto's voice extremely softened as he spoke to the girl, who was playing with the fabric of her white dress.

"Yoshiko, sir," the girl answered briskly. She seemed to be under Seto's charm; tilting his head to the side, a melodious giggle left her mouth. "You came to my brother, right?" Yoshiko pulled a sad face.

"Would you prefer if I came to you?"

Having nodded slowly, Yoshiko reached her arms out towards Seto, "You look very beautiful, sir. Guys who visit my brother are never beautiful."

"So lovely," Seto whispered huskily, ignored the offered arms. "Younger siblings are always so lovely," even if he was still gazing into the girl's sapphire eyes, with no doubts Kaiba was speaking to her brother. "And it's the older siblings' job to take care of them. Because if someone dare to hurt them, older brother always does his duty, and makes sure that the one who dared to harm his beloved sibling will bear the consequences. Very unpleasant consequences. What means suffering. What do you think about suffering, little princess?"

There was something in Seto Kaiba what filled him Sayuki with a hard to explain anxiety; he still did not believe that this man could do much more than threaten, but Kaiba's manner, the timbre of his voice, even the expression on his face at one moment made all the jokes about Kaibas, he used to derive fun with, stopped to be as amusing as before. In fact, he just wanted Seto Kaiba to get out, but he would have never dare to say it out loud. "Listen, Kaiba," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his head, "if you mean–"

"Shut up," Seto commanded barely audbile, cutting him short. "You see, Yuugi? Someone's voice is trembling. Do you know why? Because he is one of those cowardly louts who can show any courage only among the same morons, only when he deals with someone weaker."

Yoshiko seemed like she did not care about what had just happened at all. "Kaiba," she seized on joyfully, "Do you want to watch television with me, mister Kaiba?"

"Oh, with pleasure," an exaggerated enthusiasm rang out in Seto's voice. "But, unfortunately, the filth and poverty of this place make me too sick."

Yuugi's face turned pale. Had he really believed that he would be able to calm Kaiba down? There was only one thing he found himself capable of doing in order to mitigate the situation. "Maybe you'll watch it with me?" He talked up to Yoshiko, who now, for the first time, paid attention to him. She shrugged, not very content with the company, then disappeared into the room. Yuugi, following her, tried to avoid the contemptous gaze of Kaiba.

"Well," Seto said calmly, taking a few steps towards Sayuki as they became alone in the hallway. "Now we can talk about how foolish you and your cute friends had to be, when you believed that you can fall foul of my brother. Did you not realize that along with him, you fell foul of me and my company as well? I'm curious as hell how you could be so naive to think that you would get away with it." Seto crossed his arms again. "Come on, tell me how you enjoyed poking fun at me and my brother."

In the other room, Yuugi heard noises coming from the corridor. It worried him, but he tried to ignore them all. He had know Kaiba long enough to know that he should have not interrupted. Thus, he came down to turn down the televisor, even if Yoshiko behaved like nothing strange happened.

"If I would like, I could turn your live into the hell."

Low, hoarse voice of Kaiba made a shiver ran down Yuugi's spine. He took a nervous glance at the girl, giving her a forced smile. "I like cats," Yuugi uttered loudly and clearly. Yoshiko was staring at him for a short while, before she focused her eyes on the screen again; to Yuugi, her face, serious and expressing boredom, appeared to be completely unmatched to such young girl. Nonetheless, Yuugi made another attempt. "I do really like cats. And you? Do you like kittens?" This time Yoshiko did not even bother herself with paying any attention to Yuugi. But she turned her head to take a look at the door, when they became opened violently.

"We are leaving," Seto threw in harshly, rubbing one of his hands agaist his sleeveless coat. We was about to get out of the room, when one of the boxes on the table caught his attention. Kaiba frowned, then come closer, and picked it up. Smiling mockingly under his breath, seeing his own game in such place. "What a pity that I can't decide who'll get them," he sighed in theatrical manner. Having opened it, he dropped the box onto the floor. "After being in a pigsty, it got totally useless," Kaiba bent the disc, which cracked easily under his touch. Yoshiko's eyes widened, but it was not a fear or amazement which gleamed in them.

"You are fucked up!" Seto heard a yell behind himself, and, before he managed to react, a fist clenched onto his arm.

He removed himself from the grip momentally, but even when he struck Sayuki down either dryness in his mouth, or tension in muscles did not wore off.

* * *

><p>"You could finally you tell me what happened there, Kaiba-kun. Please?"<p>

With his eyes closed, Seto was resting his back against a wall of a block, inhaling the chill air. He missed the embarassment caused by Mokuba's touch. He missed the calmness; Seto took a look at Yuugi, then crossed his arms over his chest.

"You can fucking guess what I did to the jerk who had raised a hand against my brother," he explained in typical monotonous manner, a little note of irritation played in it. "Afterwards, I gave him something extra from myslef."

Yuugi raised his eyebrows as his amethyst eyes widened in confusion. "What do you mean?" He asked, not certain if he really wanted to get to know the answer. Yuugi had already found out how unpredictable Kaiba could be, especially when something happened to his little brother.

"Compose yourself," Seto muttered, having closed his eyes again. "I just ordered him to come to Kaiba Corporation with his bloody chums."

Yuugi frowned, "For what?"

"For working off," Kaiba shrugged.

"I thought that working for Kaiba Corp is a kind of... privilege?"

Seto's lips curved into a bitter smile. "Yeah, Yuugi... Cleaning toilets and floors on knees s a fucking privilege." Kaiba suspected that this answet would cause another questions about things he was not going to talk about anymore, especially when the headache was getting more and more unbearable. He stopped smiling, instead of it his visage became serious, focused. "Leave me alone for a moment," his tone did not let Yuugi even think about disobeying.

As Yuugi wandered off, Seto's hands found their way to the throbbing temples. Seto started to massage them, yet the silence did not last long. "Kaiba-kun!" Yuugi shouted, what annoyed Kaiba even more.

"The hell is your problem, Yuugi?" He growled.

"Kaiba-kun, come here! You must see it!"

Seto rolled his eyes. The last thing he urged to do at that moment was to live up to the whims of Yuugi. Nonetheless, after one more impatient screetch, Kaiba gave up, and approached kneeling Yuugi.

"Isn't he purrfect?" Yuugi whimpered out, turning over his shoulder to face Seto. Kaiba raised his eyebrows, his arms crossed over his chest. Until then he did not realize, what had been exciting Yuugi so much. Now, looking at the cat just a few steps from Mutou, he only frowned.

"Leave it, and let's go eventually."

"Sometimes you're so heartless, Kaiba-kun," Yuugi murmured reproachfully. "Just take a look at him..."

He had no idea what had made him do so, but Kaiba drew closer. He winded, staring at some scratched and furless areas amongst the long white fur. Seto observed as Yuugi called the kitten with some cat-like meows, showing out his arms in ofenseless gesture. Though, the cat did not look as if he was going to come closer; quite opposite, seemed like he was about to run awya. "Get the hell out of him," Kaiba ordered huskily, "don't you see that he is terrified?"

Yuugi nodded silently. Then, he took off his rucksack so that he pulled out from it a can with cat food. Seto's sapphire eyes went widen in a surprise. Maybe he really should not have been amazed. "It's why I came to school," Yuugi explained, afterwards he opened the tin and, having spilled the fodder onto the ground, he stood up. Mutou gave Seto a self-content gaze. "When I would attend the high school, I used to go to those blocks of flats across the street to feed poor, hungry kitties. I couldn't just abandon them after graduate, so I drop in on them from time to time." Sounded like Yuugi. Suddenly, Seto felt a strange sympathy towards the cat, that finally started to eat. "We can't just go, and leave him here," Yuugi sat down on the ground, and dumped the rest of the fodder.

"So you want to steal the cat,"

Yuugi shook his head. Having pulled his knees up to his chin, he reached his hand over. The kitten sniffed it, then sat down. "Look, he doesn't have a collar. I doubt if he belongs to anyone. Even if he does, this person can't take care of such lovely kitten. Maybe someone abandon him? Come to me... You see, Kaiba-kun?!" Yuugi called, filled with excitment, when the cat finally allowed Mutou to pet him. "It's not even an ordinary kitten... It's a beautful british kitten!"

Kaiba snorted in irritation,rolling his eyes. "Listen, I'm in a hurry, so–"

"Lay off!" Yuugi's amethyst eyes widened as he could not believe that he had just raised his voice at Seto Kaiba. "I... It's just..." He started to murmur under his breath. Scared with that sudden outburst, the kitten jumped down from Yuugi's arms. "He needs us," Yuugi said finally, reaching for the cat again, his motion full of care.

"I could just abandon you here," Kaiba growled, but stayed put.

"You could, but you'll stay. Right, Kaiba-kun?" A grin appeared on Yuugi's face involuntarily as the cat rubbed his cheek against Seto's leg, even if Seto seemed to ignore it completely.

"He's not so bad," Yuugi noticed the change in Kaiba's voice, a gentle note which play in it suddenly.

"He likes you."

"He doesn't have to."

"Lay off," this time Yuugi told it softly, almost with affection. He stood up, flicked his pants, and lifted up the cat again. "At first, we let's take him to a vet in order to check if he's alright. Afterwards... Afterwards Gradpa probably won't let me keep him. I'll have to look for someone...

Seto closed his eyes for a moment, inhaling the fresh air yet again. The voice of Yuugi seemed to be more and more distant, more and more unclear. Though, Kaiba was glad it was still ringing out inside of his ears. No matter how irritating Mutou could be, he absorbed too many atention to let Seto think about anything else, even if just for a short while. Kaiba found it quite pleasant.

"You won't." Kaiba passed Yuugi, pretending he did not notice that penetrating, questioning stare.

* * *

><p>He was brooding over what he had done wrong. Sitting on his bed, combing out raven hair, Nii-sama was possessing his every thought. Mokuba sighed out, pulling his hair. No matter how hard he tried, he always told something what exesperate Seto; this impression grew withing his mind, becoming more and more difficult to get rid of. Having analyzed his behaviour once again, minute by minute, every while they had spent toghether in the morning, Mokuba still could not come up with any idea; was that fucking question a thing which had annoyed his Nii-sama so much?<p>

Another stroke was even sharper; a hiss left his mouth as his scalp pulsed in burning way. Nonetheless, another motions were also so violent, yet he did not care as long as it let occupied his mind, setting it free from bothering thoughts.

It was getting dark behind the window. As Mokuba supposed, his Nii-sama was not going to come home too early. And even if he was accustomed to these late returnings home, it did not mean he was also indifferent to it.

A sound of footsteps reached him; the fact it could be only one person made Mokuba both excited and worried. On the one hand he missed his Nii-sama, and needed to make sure that everything was alright between both of them. Simultaneously, he was completely not sure what to expect.

Kaiba walked into the room. Without any greeting, he headed towards Mokuba, then sat down on the bed beside his sibling. To Mokuba's astonishment, Seto took the hairbrush away from him, and started to comb the long wisps. "I'm sorry," he said with gentleness Mokuba would have never accusted his brother of. "In the morning... Just let's don't talk about it anymore." Mokuba nodded silently, his eyes closed. It was probably the best what they could do at that moment. He felt as Seto swept most of his hair over his shoulder, then began to comb the rest of it. "I was at your school." Seto stated after a short while of silence.

Mokuba swallowed hard. He had hoped Seto would not go back to this subject. There was a short moment of silence and his hesitate, before asked, "And?"

"And you will not go there anymore."

"Thank you, Nii-sama," Mokuba smiled under his breath, pressing his back against Seto's chest.

Kaiba took a deep breath, when the sweet scent of Mokuba hit his nostrils.

"Straighten." Seto continued, when Mokuba obeyed relucantly. "I have got to know some... interesting things. Can you guess, what I am talking about?" He got no answet. Mokuba's muscles tensed; he hated how easily he got nervous, but at this moment both his brother's words, and tone of his voice stressed him. "Alright, so I will tell you. I have got to know that my younger brother for the entire school year used to be bullied by the whole bunch of morons. Do you know, what is the funniest?"

"Nii-sama..."

"Do not nii-sama me now," Seto cut his brother short. "Do you know, what is the funniest? That he did not tell me a word for the whole bloody year. Of course, he mentioned a few times that he did not want to go there, but without any specific reason. What do you think? He surely does not trust me, does he?"

"Nii-sama," Mokuba's voice was near to a dismal whimper.

"Instead of me, he trusts Yuugi," Seto interrputed Mokuba yet again. "Oh yeah, he trusts Yuugi so much. He told him about everything, you know?"

Mokuba closed his eyes tightly. He tried his best to focus all his attention on the strokes of hairbrush. They were so soothing, let him calm himself down. Or maybe it was just awarness that it was Seto who was making these affectionate motions. Mokuba was not certain if his Nii-sama would have wished him to suppose so. "I trust you," involunatrily Mokuba's voice cracked. He would have prefered Seto to yell at him, this apathy was too much to him to cope with. "I just didn't want to worry you. I... I should finally start to bear such issues on my own."

"Bullshits." All of a sudden, it got through to Seto that he would not have wanted Mokuba to become indepented, not completely at least. He loved to take care of his little brother, protect him from the whole world. But more than anything he loved to have control over every aspect of his life; it guaranteed him feeling of security, even if only apparent.

"Don't stop." It took Seto a while to realize what his brother had meant. Then, he came back to combing out the raven wisps. He had no idea, why it was the thing which had caught the most Mokuba's attention, yet he noticed that thanks to these monotonous movements of hairbrush his brother's body loosened. "Are you angry with me?" Mokuba asked shyly.

"I'm not angry," Seto answered coldly. "I'm pissed off." It never crossed Mokuba's mind to complain, when the hairbrush fell onto the cover. He froze, when the arm wrapped his waist, pulling him close to the chest Mokuba clung to at once. The sudden gesture was surprising, so unexpected, being in contrast to his Nii-sama's words, but it was what the younger Kaiba needed the most, his heart raced. The light embrace turned into rocking, slow, almost hypnotic. "Why don't you just let me take care of you..." A shiver ran down Mokuba's spine as the hoarse whisper resounded beside his ear. This low, deep voice which did not even have to say such things to drive Mokuba crazy. Taking a deep breath, he clenched his hands on one of Seto's sleeves.

"Nii-sama," he whispered barely audible, nuzzling his face into the elbow flexion of his brother, "Nii-sama." Mokuba brushed his lips against the fabric of Kaiba's soft turtleneck. Reiterating this quiet word, so blissful to Seto, he wrapped his both arms around Seto's one, lips still covering him with another gentle kisses.

The moment broke in a second. There was no strong squeeze of the beloved arms around his body any longer. Instead of the heavenly touch in his hair, there was only emptiness left, piercing right through him along with the hated sound of door shutting close.

* * *

><p>A cold touch shook him awake. Right above his cheek, running up to the forehead. Seto froze as the sweeping away fringe tickled him softly. The subtle gestures, seemingly barely noticable, were like embres burning into his skin.<p>

Terrified by this sudden violation against his own space, he jumped up. The big, gleaming in the darkess eyes were staring at him in amazement. "Nii-sama...?"

It was Mokuba.

It was just Mokuba.

It was not __just__ Mokuba.

Despite of his brother's presence, Seto was not able to control the dizzy rate his heart was pounding with. Having closed his eyes, he took a deep breath. The hand which had been caressing his face just a short while ago now began to slowly run over his back. Seto's muscles tensed. "What are you doing here?"

A snippy note in his Nii-sama's voice baffled Mokuba. But that cool tone was not able to force him to leave; Mokuba was not going to be apart from his Nii-sama, not again. "You left, but I can't finish this day like that," he answered hesitantly. "Let me stay..."

"Daring words for someone who wants to cope with everything on his own."

Mokuba seemed like he was not listening to his brother. He ignored the bitter words, instead of react for them he focused on Seto's arm, his fingers running up and down all the lenght. Seto shivered; taking a deep breath, he clenched his arms on the quilt. "Everything's alright?" Mokuba asked softly, not sure about the reason beyond Seto's irritation. As if the fact Mokuba wanted to be close to him annoyed Seto.

Seto nodded in a response. After all, it would never get more alright; he was reiterating it in his thoughts over and over, forcing himself to believe that he did not lie to his brother. "You are behaving preposterously," he said mostly in order to change the subject, distract Mokuba's attention from his Nii-sama. But Mokuba kept silence, just slid under the covers. "Go back to your room," Seto ordered, but there was only silence and Mokuba's affectionate. "Mokuba, go out," desperately, he nearly raised his voice.

"Nii-sama..."

His strenght of will collapsed in just one moment, with this one word, the word he loved to hear so badly. "Go out," he whispered, altought he already knew Mokuba would not leave the room till the morning. Seto would have never admitted out loud how much the fact that his brother, not caring about his Nii-sama's coldness, stayed with him, filled him with tormenting excitment. The crave of having Mokuba by his side was as huge as the fucking awarness he should not have desired it. But Kaiba, still trembling inside, lie down again, sideways, facing Mokuba. He needed to look at him, for every one second be certain that it was his beloved baby brother who was next to him. He could not have stand if it had not been Mokuba, even for the shortest while.

He was losing himself.

Shyly, Seto reached his hand for Mokuba's hair so that he combed the long wisps gently. So silky, so raven, so sweet fragranting... So his. Same as this pale cheek he started to caress with his fingertips, the closed eyelids from which he could not take his eyes off. To him belonged this shapely lips as well, the lips that Kaiba pretended that did not notice. This autodestruction, which pierced right through Seto's chest, burning him from inside, stifing his breath, could not reach also Mokuba. He had to stay alone, to live alone, because in other case he could have only hurt his Mokuba, and he had to protect the only one he loved, protect from everything, even from himself, he had to...

Too many thoughts, too many doubts, anxiety. These warm lips were lacking them. The lips which crushed together with Seto's, not importunately, but in a blissfully inviting way; they were tempting him as though Mokuba knew that his Nii-sama did not have any will power, nor willingness to oppose anymore. Completely helpless, Seto Kaiba closed his baby brother in a tight embrace. Mokuba replied by clenching his hands in his Nii-sama's hair, and they both were sure they would not be able to drag themselves away from each other.

Mokuba's lips tasted like a calmness Seto had not been experiencing for so long. Like a happiness, alwyas foreign and unreachable. Like a silent promise that everything would be alright, the promise in which he could have truly believe for the first time in his whole life. Seto deepened the kiss what provoked the heavier breath of Mokuba, his heart raced what Seto felt against his chest distinctly. He pressed his lips against Mokuba's harder, hoping for silence the unwanted voices inside of his head, damned common sense, commanding him to stop. He did not want to stop. He could not have broken the kiss, overwhelmed by fear that if he had lost this one moment, he would have lost everything what kept him in one piece. He was afraid. Afraid of everything what this moment was bringing with itself, yet he was afraid of every while whilst Mokuba was not beside him, too, whilst he was not feeling the warmth of Mokuba's body, whilst the most soothing fragrance was not pampering his nostrils. He did not want to be alone any longer; he was not able to cope with his own emotions any longer, he was not able to cope with himself. Seto clenched his fingers on the fabric of his brother's tee shirt. He would have get rid of everything he had just in order to never ever let Mokuba leave his arms.

The voice which rang out inside of his mind was so sudden and clearly, at the same time devastating, it made Seto whimper involuntarily.

__Tastes so good, doesn't it, Seto? You love it. And I love to give it to you.__

Seto turned onto his back, pulling Mokuba as close as possible. "Mokuba," the huskily voice was dangerously close to another moan, "Mokie, talk to me."

"Nii-sama," Mokuba answered at once. Even if the request amazed him, Mokuba did not show it to his brother; he did not show anything, but the delightful submission. Having placed his hand on Seto's cheek, he brushed his fingers against the sensitive skin behind the ear. "My Nii-sama," Mokuba was whispering over and over between another kisses.

Seto was trying his best to concentrate only on it, but it was getting more and more difficult to ignore this voice; this low, fucking voice which even after so many years was still able to make Seto feel so tiny, so worthless, as if only the recollection could humiliate him. He did not even realize, when Mokuba made a way down with his eager lips, covering his Nii-sama's neck with a plenty of smooches, still murmuring in comforting manner. Seto grew breathless. The touch of Mokuba's lips on his neck reminded him of a grip he had felt in the same place years ago. It was so real, his muscles tensed in nearly the same way, once again he was incapable of moving.

__You crave to be touched by me. Admit it, Seto. Admit that it is the only thing you have ever wanted from me.__

The hands did not belong to Mokuba any longer, neither the mouth. Seto realased his squeeze, shivering not because of fear, but powerlessness. His lips were grazing hungrily, a tongue rushed between them; as it started to explore the inside of his mouth, Seto felt a complete loss of control, there was nothing left after the earlier pleasure.

"Mokuba," Seto whispered huskily. Even the face of his brother right above his did not calm him down, even seeing the most wonderful eyes staring at him with adoration. Only an anxiety of bothering Mokuba made him stay. Only on account of Mokuba he was not screaming, nor crying, but kept calm which would have been impossible to force in any other situation. At last, it was not he who was the most important. He had never been. "Mokuba," Seto called his brother again, as desperately as he did not know anything apart from this beloved name. Seto did not dare to tell Mokuba that none of the slight kisses the teen was giving him on his Nii-sama's face did not bring any pleasure with itself. Quite the reverse, it paralyzed him. Having placed his both hands on Mokuba's face, he had to remove them instantly in order not to let Mokuba feel the trembling of long fingers. "Come to me..."

The quiet request for enough for Mokuba to pulled away, just a little, just to nuzzle his face to his older brother's shoulder. As clang to his sibling's body, Seto wanted to tell him about everything what tormented him more than any time before. It was his baby brother, his desired salvation. The only one he loved, trusted, cared for. At the same time the only one Seto would have never wanted to hurt; it was the reason why Seto already knew he would hate himself even more than usual after waking up.

Amongst the dim light coming from the outside, Seto could not stop ogling at Mokuba's face. His little brother was so delicate, fragile, as if he had been born for Seto to take care of him. The closed eyes, some raven wisps falling onto them, the lips curled into the most wonderful smile, all those features made Kaiba breathless every time he intoxicated himself with Mokuba's beauty. Having drawn closer, Mokuba looked up at Seto, his cheek rested against his Nii-sama shoulder. This expression... Seto would have never forgiven himself if it had been he vanishing it from this innocent visage, he did not even want to imagine a situation he would have taken this happiness away from Mokuba.

One day stings of remorse would finish him off along with those fucking memories.


End file.
